Post by DarcyLongfellow on Sept 3, 2015 15:40:33 GMT -5
I'm in the "I love this chart" camp.
But I am clearly the outlier because no one else at DD1's school seems to have a problem with evening activities. I'm all, "oh, you want us there until 6:30? Nope, we're out. That's bedtime."
DD1 is 6 and her bedtime is 7, although that means we start telling her to get pajamas on at 7. I'm usually leaving her alone in her bed between 8 and 8:30. But I have to DRAG her ass out of bed at 7am for school. So I know she's not getting enough sleep. On weekends she'd sleep until 10 if we let her (if only her sister would do the same, DH and I would be in heaven!).
But we're lucky because I'm a SAHM, so I'm home with her from 3:30 until bedtime, so we can get homework and baths and everything (sometimes even dinner) done before DH gets home from work between 6 and 6:30. If I worked until even 5, there's no way we could do that.
Yeah, no. My child doesn't need 11 hours of sleep because no matter what he has never ever in his life slept for 11 hours. So, fuck off, chart.
So much this! I hate these kinds of things that make you feel like you are doing parenting wrong. My kid has never been a sleeper. He doesn't get tired, or cranky, or less focused because of it. He is an individual and his needs are different. I wish he was not like this. I would love a break beginning at 7 or 8 at night, but he just doesn't need it. I was the same way.
Yep. Both my kids are super happy and healthy. My daughter even goes so far as to say she hates sleeping. I believe her. Because she would sleep only from 11-6 if we let her, and be perfectly happy. I'm pretty sure that's basically what she does anyway because I can hear her singing in her room until 10 most nights. Child hates sleep.
Yeah, no. My child doesn't need 11 hours of sleep because no matter what he has never ever in his life slept for 11 hours. So, fuck off, chart.
So much this! I hate these kinds of things that make you feel like you are doing parenting wrong. My kid has never been a sleeper. He doesn't get tired, or cranky, or less focused because of it. He is an individual and his needs are different. I wish he was not like this. I would love a break beginning at 7 or 8 at night, but he just doesn't need it. I was the same way.
I know I'm doing parenting wrong in many, many ways. But IDK that this one of those ways.
Post by bugandbibs on Sept 3, 2015 15:57:39 GMT -5
I love this chart!
My kids need sleep and lots of it. My girls (ages 4 and 12) are in bed by 8. Story time and lights out by 8:30pm. They may get a few snuggles and loves after that, but my goal is to be out of their room by 8:30 (unless something really exciting is happening in Harry Potter and then I keep reading). They get up for school at 7:05 am. DD2 still takes a 2 hour nap most days.
DS is 18 months. He takes a 2-3 hour nap during the day. Goes to bed at 7 pm and gets up around 6:30 am.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
I guess my question is WTF kind of practice for young grade schoolers goes until 8:30? I think the hyper-scheduling of younger kids needs to be addressed, because yeah, sleep is what loses out. I'm all for music lessons and sports for young kids (like 1 of each, not something every day), but surely that can be done before 8pm or on a weekend.
It's not uncommon for practice for elementary school kids to start at 7. I don't know if it's a scheduling issue for the fields or because it's so hot here, but I have a lot of friends in my FB feed who deal with late practices.
I am just always in awe of parents who let their kids stay up late. By 7 pm I am done. I want my alone time. We put them down at 7, but they share rooms, so they are usually awake talking and playing for an hour or so.
I work. I'm walking in the door at 6:15p ... make & eat dinner, get homework done, spend some time w dd ---> 8p !
Post by fortnightlily on Sept 3, 2015 16:03:37 GMT -5
We don't get home from daycare until 6:15pm. By the time DS gets fed, we get fed, and DS is bathed and done reading all his books it's usually 8:30-9 by the time he's actually asleep. He's 2. I often think we should put him to bed earlier but it seems hard to manage logistically.
If they were bed at 7:00 I would never see them. Beyond that, they are so wired until at least 8:30 most nights. I have them in bed by 9:00. It works for us, and at least one of them is always up by 6:00 - sometimes earlier!
ETA: Even with the blackout shades, getting them to sleep before the sun goes down is laughable at best.
My kids both go up to bed at 7, and they are 7.5 and 4. The 4 year old is asleep by 745, the 7.5 year old by 815 or so.
But look, I'm not going to lie. This has as much if not more to do with me needing a break for a few hours every night than it does about them needing the sleep. They need the sleep but I NEED the break. I love my kids but we need time to not do legos, homework, coloring, playing games and breaking up fights.
My kids need sleep and lots of it. My girls (ages 4 and 12) are in bed by 8. Story time and lights out by 8:30pm. They may get a few snuggles and loves after that, but my goal is to be out of their room by 8:30 (unless something really exciting is happening in Harry Potter and then I keep reading). They get up for school at 7:05 am. DD2 still takes a 2 hour nap most days.
DS is 18 months. He takes a 2-3 hour nap during the day. Goes to bed at 7 pm and gets up around 6:30 am.
Wow. Your 12 year old is in bed at 8? Doesn't she have homework?Â
my cousin's 11-12 yo dd goes to bed at 7:30p no questions asked !
My kids need sleep and lots of it. My girls (ages 4 and 12) are in bed by 8. Story time and lights out by 8:30pm. They may get a few snuggles and loves after that, but my goal is to be out of their room by 8:30 (unless something really exciting is happening in Harry Potter and then I keep reading). They get up for school at 7:05 am. DD2 still takes a 2 hour nap most days.
DS is 18 months. He takes a 2-3 hour nap during the day. Goes to bed at 7 pm and gets up around 6:30 am.
Wow. Your 12 year old is in bed at 8? Doesn't she have homework?
Yes, she has homework. She typically does it immediately after school from 3-4 pm. Anything not finished then is completed after dinner. She is also on swim team and practices 2 nights a week.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
This is one area of parenting that DH and I take seriously. My kids are 6 and 8 and the goal is to start the bedtime routine at 7:00 and have them sound asleep before 8:00. They get up at 6:30. This works most of the time. Right now DS has flag football practice from 5:30 to 7:30 on Thursdays. I feed him dinner before practice, have him eat a snack on the drive home from practice, and send him straight up for shower and bed time as soon as we are home. Luckily the days are getting shorter and they practice at an unlit park so their days of being able to practice until 7:30 are numbered. When school starts next week I will schedule homework days on days the kids do not have activities so that we don't have multiple obligations on one night.
Yes, she has homework. She typically does it immediately after school from 3-4 pm. Anything not finished then is completed after dinner. She is also on swim team and practices 2 nights a week.
Does she still get to bed at 8 on swim nights?
Yes. It goes homework, eat a light meal in the car on the way to practice, swim for 90 minutes, shower, eat dinner on the way home, bed. She falls right to sleep on swim nights because she is exhausted after swimming for 90 minutes with little break. Occasionally we might be off schedule for 15 minutes or so, but then I just shorten story time so lights out is still 8:30 pm.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
Post by omgzombies on Sept 3, 2015 17:52:44 GMT -5
Another lover of the chart chiming in!
Although I honestly don't care what time you put your own children to bed. It's a priority in our family, but if it doesn't work for your family, and your kids are happy and healthy, then that's good enough for me. But I am always a little surprised with the number of folks out there who put their little ones to bed at 9 or 10pm. I usually just give myself a moment to feel marginally superior at a parenting thing (it's so rare, just let me enjoy the moment in my head), and then shrug and quickly toss it into the everyone has different priorities category .
Some people are sticklers about organic foods, no sugar, and made their own baby food, that's not me. I realize it would probably be better for my kids to have the non-processed no sugar added peanut butter, but it's not something that we've managed to make work for our family so i don't stress about it. For me sleep is a huge priority, and if it means that activities or evening bonding time lose out, then so be it. We make it a point to have special time with the kids in the morning, before H goes to work, and he tries his best to leave work a little early one night a week to be home for family dinners, we eat meals together as a family on the weekends. Sleep is a priority for us, but that doesn't mean it has to be a priority for every family.
Also, I need adult time. I need time when my kid isn't in my face and requiring my attention, and I need to be making sure they aren't actively putting themselves in danger. And an hour between 9 and 10pm each night is not going to cut it. I love having a chunk of our evening that is time for H and I to connect again just as adults. I think this will become less of an issue as the kids get older and stop requiring so much attention, and are less of a danger to themselves, but for right now, it really works for us.
There is a book Nurture Shock that has a whole chapter on sleep. It talks about how sleep is needed for brain development, and goes over a bunch of studies showing just how much of an effect even an hour less of sleep can have on a kid. If you are interested in getting more information on the effect of sleep, grab a copy from your library. The whole book is great and I highly recommend, it's very similar in style to Freakonomics. Each chapter talks about a different subject, what happens when you avoid talking about race vs. actually talking about race, why putting kids in gifted programs in kindergarten is not the best idea, why kids lie, can self-control be taught, etc. All with studies and experiments that have been done to back up the talking points.
In the end I think if this is a priority for you, you'll find a way to make it work, and if it's not then I wouldn't let it stress you out. I'll be the first to admit that there are a number of things of parenting things out there that are simply not a priority for us, and we don't do. If I really wanted to of course I could make only organic non-processed foods work for us, and my kids would probably be better off for it, with less risk of diabetes and obesity in their future. I see parents that engage with their kids a lot more than I do, and yeah, their kids probably benefit from that in some way that mine don't. I just tell mine to go play and find something to do. It works for us.
Yeah, this works for us and I don't really care if it doesn't work for anyone else. As much as I hate mommy shaming, I also hate that we've gone over the edge where you can't share any data or worthwhile advice for fear of someone feeling bad about themselves.
Sleep, routines, and adult time are priorities for us. We're probably failing in other ways. Shrug.
Yeah, this works for us and I don't really care if it doesn't work for anyone else. As much as I hate mommy shaming, I also hate that we've gone over the edge where you can't share any data or worthwhile advice for fear of someone feeling bad about themselves.
Sleep, routines, and adult time are priorities for us. We're probably failing in other ways. Shrug.
Only a handful of poo-poo-ers of this chart were of the guilty variety. Most were like, "eh, this doesn't work for us--don't feel bad about it". So, I don't think we're way over the edge here.
I've seen so many facebook posts along the lines of "this is crazy! Do they not understand what its like to be a working parent?!?!?! I'm tired of working parent shaming!"
Post by twohearted on Sept 3, 2015 20:19:39 GMT -5
I didn't read all the comments, but in other sources I had seen there was a range for how much sleep children need. This chart doesn't really account for that. My son who is 2.5 gets about 12 hours per day including his nap. My friend's daughter is the same age and sleeps 15 hours. Both fall within the normal range. I thought it was more about how they wake up- are they well rested and refreshed? My son wakes up on his own and doesn't really show signs of being overtired as long as we stick to his normal schedule so I'm not worried about it. There isn't a cookie cutter answer for everyone.
Jackson actually gets more sleep than is recommended most nights, but he's always been a good sleeper. He has to be up by 6:45 and is usually asleep right at 8. I think the chart says 8:30 for his age. Scarlett's bedtime is also 8. Some mornings she sleeps later, and some mornings she has to get up at 6:45, too, but she still naps every day.
I guess my question is WTF kind of practice for young grade schoolers goes until 8:30? I think the hyper-scheduling of younger kids needs to be addressed, because yeah, sleep is what loses out. I'm all for music lessons and sports for young kids (like 1 of each, not something every day), but surely that can be done before 8pm or on a weekend.
Jackson is only playing one sport now, and practice is 2 nights per week from 6-8. It sucks because it's like prime dinner time, it's hard to eat before, plus I don't want him to eat too much before being out in the heat and running around, but if we eat after, it's SO late by the time he gets a shower. Okay, like 9. But that's late to me. We've also had two games at 8pm on Monday nights, but thankfully those are done for us now and all of our games are at 6 or 7 now. 7 will still put us home after 8, but he should be able to eat before and hopefully be in bed by 9 at the latest.
From what I can tell, the later time is not that uncommon. Apparently, it's also common for dance and karate. For basketball last year, his games were Saturdays, and practices were Thursdays from 6-7, I think, which definitely fit in our schedule better.
Anyway, both my kids have always gone to bed at 7:30-8. When they were younger and we didn't have school, they slept 8-8/9 pretty regularly. As I like to tell them, "civilized people don't get up before 8am."
I've seen so many facebook posts along the lines of "this is crazy! Do they not understand what its like to be a working parent?!?!?! I'm tired of working parent shaming!"
I'm talking about this thread in particular. I haven't seen this popping up on my FB.
I didn't read the comment you responded to as calling out people in this thread. I took it as a universal "we."
Post by earlgreyhot on Sept 3, 2015 20:24:12 GMT -5
I feel like we are right in the middle. Of everything (sugar, salt, screens, sleep). Sleep is important and I strive to make sure my kids gets enough of it. But I also refuse to be a slave to their sleep or nap routines because living life requires a certain flexibility and resiliency. We're probably 30-45 min off the charge depending on the day. And, of course, the only reason we are getting that much sleep is because of game of musical beds that happens throughout the night.
There is a huge difference between a house of general routines (which I assume most households on this board keep) and the families where kids are left to their own devices; fed total junk and allowed to unlimited screen time until they pass out then are up early the next day for a long day of daycare/school.
My older son is right on track but my younger son goes to bed at the same time as him so he's off according to the chart. I don't think he needs more sleep though, there is a range that this chart doesn't account for. He never sleeps in, ever, ever, ever.
I agree that sleep is very important and I"m extremely lucky to work from home and get off at 4:00. My husband walks in the door by 4:45 so early bed time is doable for us. That said, family bonding time is also extremely important and if we got home later bed time might also be later.
Ok my first reaction to this is annoyance and guilt because I really do try to get them to bed earlier and I know I should and I feel bad that I don't. Also it feels like every day there's another article reminding me of my shortcomings as a parent.
But I step back and yes, it's a good thing that the information is out there because sleep is very important and a lot of parents genuinely don't know that it's bad to let your 5 year old stay up until 11 pm every night.
Ok my first reaction to this is annoyance and guilt because I really do try to get them to bed earlier and I know I should and I feel bad that I don't. Also it feels like every day there's another article reminding me of my shortcomings as a parent.
But I step back and yes, it's a good thing that the information is out there because sleep is very important and a lot of parents genuinely don't know that it's bad to let your 5 year old stay up until 11 pm every night.
The more prevalent issue, IME, is that parents don't realize how much sleep preteens need. So many 11-13 year olds go to bed at 10 or 11 on school nights.
I'm talking about this thread in particular. I haven't seen this popping up on my FB.
I didn't read the comment you responded to as calling out people in this thread. I took it as a universal "we."
Exactly, universal we and also not limited to this particular issue. Every time there's a parenting article now it gets the "stop mommy* shaming!" treatment from someone. I totally get it, there's a lot to stress out about and parenting blogs have jumped the shark. But take a step back for a minute. It's not all about you and your particular insecurities. We're a sleep deprived nation. I'm sure someone can make use of this info.
*I'm purposefully using "mommy" rather than "parent" to play up my annoyance
Post by georgeharrison on Sept 3, 2015 21:07:08 GMT -5
We are pretty spot on most of the time with my 10 year old. But my h and I are usually home early before 4. If you work a regular 9-5, I don't see how this could work with any regularity.
Impossible for us to follow this chart. I don't even get home until 7-7:30 a few times a week and then we still need to eat.
Both kids (3 & 14) go to bed around 8:30. I have been trying to get the 3 year old to fall asleep since around 7 this evening and that's because I want to go to sleep myself (sometimes I'm sleeping before 8). DH and I are in bed at 8:30 - 9 so these kids need to be in bed too. It's just after 8 and I think she's knocking out.
I tried to be lenient and let the teenager go to sleep later but she turns into the biggest ass when I try to wake her up in the morning so her bedtime stays at 8:30-9.