Thanks for the kind words everyone. clseale you may or may not have made me cry. You guys are, as ever, amazing and so supportive. I'm feeling slightly better after sleeping in the morning; I'm on call tonight so I don't go in til 3.
I'm glad you have a safe place to share some of this stuff. It sounds really, really hard to go through the rigors of med school and get to the even crazier life of resident. I will pray for you and your marriage and just everything in general.
Do you have a mentor or anyone a few years ahead of you maybe you could connect with? It sounds like a unique kind of pressure that's hard to understand unless you've been through it. {{Hugs}}
G22 - all of your feelings sound very justified & very normal. It doesn't make it easier though. I will be praying for really smooth & safe travels & a great transition for you and your H. And the pups!
@vtcupcake - it's awful when even family is so insensitive. Obviously I admire the field you are in, but I definitely want to see you healthy and thriving for many, many years to come. The right fit will come, and I wish you happiness & patience until it does.
Because I seriously need to bitch and moan about some stuff.
I have had the worst couple of weeks. I need a reset switch or something. I spent most of last week and the beginning of this one with a really tough attending, who is very good but with whom it's hard to do anything right. I got an email this weekend that apparently I'm not coming across nicely to some of the OR nurses. I got a fucking corneal abrasion from my contact on Tuesday and had to leave at noon yesterday (I was supposed to be late, which usually means staying til sometime in the 7-9 timeframe) because I couldn't even keep my eye open. It was so awful. Everyone was super nice about it but I felt terrible because I NEVER take sick days, ever. And then today I just did something really fucking stupid that reflects very poorly on my work ethic (just went for a coffee at a really bad time, not the worst thing ever, but someone had to cover for me). It was really dumb and really uncharacteristic and I'm not sure why I did it. I feel like I am totally failing in my quest to be the Best Resident Ever and I don't know why, I can't seem to hold it together. Also H and I are having issues again and we haven't talked about it because I don't have the time or energy or mental bandwidth for that conversation but I halfway expect him to come home one day and tell me he's done. And I would probably just say okay. Plus running has been difficult between the schedule and the eye stuff and that's not helping at all.
Sorry. This was a total wall of text. Ugh.
Residency sucks but you will make it through. Go buy a big box of donuts or Panera bagels for the nurses. Smile and kill them with kindness.