Guide to Black cookouts...

[Black Lavender]

I'm coming down off the dental anesthesia and my friend sends me this:
michaelharriot.wordpress.com/2015/09/08/the-caucasians-guide-to-black-barbecues/

Sent from my XT1096 using proboards

[sfy]

I actually went to a BBQ this summer and there were no dominoes. I was like, "Bro, wtf? Who raised you?" It was cool, though, because H had a set in the trunk. Domino, mother****!

[vadasultenfuss]

So help me understand: black people don't do potluck so, but when I show up, I have to bring food. Isn't that a potluck?

I ask because I *nearly* found myself at such an event this weekend (but it was cancelled) and I then *almost* hosted such an event this weekend at my so-white-I'm-clear home (because I still wanted to hang out with the originally-planned host family), but everything fell thru. I feel like I should have been better prepared for the nuances of potluck vs. BYO food. This seems critical.

Also, I wouldn't dare pretend to know how to play spades. How 'bout poker? Is poker safe? I'm a damn good Texas Hold 'em player, but I don't like people to talk shit about my mom, so....??

[skwcm80]

Sept 9, 2015 18:49:58 GMT -5 sfy said:

I actually went to a BBQ this summer and there were no dominoes. I was like, "Bro, wtf? Who raised you?" It was cool, though, because H had a set in the trunk. Domino, mother****!

I don't know how to play spades or dominos, and none of my friends will teach me. This is where I play the second generation immigrant card.

[sfy]

Sept 9, 2015 18:58:03 GMT -5 vadasultenfuss said:

So help me understand: black people don't do potluck so, but when I show up, I have to bring food. Isn't that a potluck?

I ask because I *nearly* found myself at such an event this weekend (but it was cancelled) and I then *almost* hosted such an event this weekend at my so-white-I'm-clear home (because I still wanted to hang out with the originally-planned host family), but everything fell thru. I feel like I should have been better prepared for the nuances of potluck vs. BYO food. This seems critical.

Also, I wouldn't dare pretend to know how to play spades. How 'bout poker? Is poker safe? I'm a damn good Texas Hold 'em player, but I don't like people to talk shit about my mom, so....??

@ the bolded! Black people do potlucks, but only when we've seen the kitchen of people bringing the food, know how they cook and approve on both counts.  Coworkers - no, sorry.  Aunt Barbara - yes, please and thank you.

There will be no poker, sorry...and I don't even know what Texas Hold 'Em is, although I think I've walked by those tables at the casino. You would need to just watch lol.  My husband almost shed real tears when we realized we were sending DS off to school without knowing how to play spades.  We immediately set up a spades tutoring session.  I still wouldn't want him on my team, but he can get by lol. 

Sept 9, 2015 19:04:05 GMT -5 skwcm80 said:

Sept 9, 2015 18:49:58 GMT -5 sfy said:

I actually went to a BBQ this summer and there were no dominoes. I was like, "Bro, wtf? Who raised you?" It was cool, though, because H had a set in the trunk. Domino, mother****!

I don't know how to play spades or dominos, and none of my friends will teach me.

Have mercy.  Maybe we can Facetime.  I don't feel right about you being out in the world like this.  Also, those people are not your friends.

[skwcm80]

sfy at the most recent cookout they said everyone said something about not wanting me on their team so I wouldn't mess up their game/hand. See? I don't even know correct terms.

[vadasultenfuss]

Sept 9, 2015 19:06:20 GMT -5 sfy said:

Sept 9, 2015 18:58:03 GMT -5 vadasultenfuss said:

So help me understand: black people don't do potluck so, but when I show up, I have to bring food. Isn't that a potluck?

I ask because I *nearly* found myself at such an event this weekend (but it was cancelled) and I then *almost* hosted such an event this weekend at my so-white-I'm-clear home (because I still wanted to hang out with the originally-planned host family), but everything fell thru. I feel like I should have been better prepared for the nuances of potluck vs. BYO food. This seems critical.

Also, I wouldn't dare pretend to know how to play spades. How 'bout poker? Is poker safe? I'm a damn good Texas Hold 'em player, but I don't like people to talk shit about my mom, so....??

Black people do potlucks, but only when we've seen the kitchen of people bringing the food, know how they cook and approve on both counts.  Coworkers - no, sorry.  Aunt Barbara - yes, please and thank you.

There will be no poker, sorry...and I don't even know what Texas Hold 'Em is, although I think I've walked by those tables at the casino. You would need to just watch lol.  My husband almost shed real tears when we realized we were sending DS off to school without knowing how to play spades.  We immediately set up a spades tutoring session.  I still wouldn't want him on my team, but he can get by lol. 

Sept 9, 2015 19:04:05 GMT -5 skwcm80 said:

I don't know how to play spades or dominos, and none of my friends will teach me.

Have mercy.  Maybe we can Facetime.  I don't feel right about you being out in the world like this.  Also, those people are not your friends.

But really....am I bringing food for myself and my family to eat, when I show up at a cookout? Like they'll provide the meat, and I bring everything else I plan to consume?

And furthermore, when second planned cookout fell through and I was in the middle of making peach cobbler, I put half in a disposable pan to take to send home with my prospective guests' oldest son who was still to have dropped by. He didn't make it over, and the cobbler went to work with my husband. Is this all for the best since it wouldn't have been eaten anyway, seeing as how my kitchen had not been previously cleared? It makes me sad to think cobbler would have gone uneaten. So sad...

[rootbeerfloat]

I played Spades with geeky white kids, and it's basically the same game I know as Trumps except spades are always trumps. Do black people play the same game?

sfy, my HS friends love to play Trumps. One friend has an 18 year-old and a 19 year-old that had somehow never learned to play, so we taught them at a party recently. They were both so afraid to partner with their competitive dad, lol, but all the aunties had their back.

[secretlyevil]

I guess I am living up my paleness, I couldn't handle the time thing, nearly two hours late? Have mercy. If you bring a bottle of wine are you a basic white girl or participating correctly in a black cook out?

BUT!! I have TWO sets of dominos. I used to know how to play spades but it's been ions so we'll just say I don't.

[secretlyevil]

Andplusalso! I want to go to the party she described so much more fun sounding.

[vadasultenfuss]

@tooshort thanks for the clarification. I will bring the paper products and the PSLs. JK. I'm a good cook. I'll have to bring some food too and get a blessing, provided they ever invite me back.

[iammalcolmx]

My H and his family know all of this stuff.

[pixy0stix]

I haven't played spades since high school.

I own my whiteness. I need someone to adopt me.

[redwino]

I got good at spades at my hbcu. It was like the training camp for black entertaining. Even in campus housing with no stoves everybody was required to bring something and we had the good liquor in somebody's room. That's when I became the designated drinks or plates person.

My grandma taught us how to play dominoes when we were kids then would talk shit on us for sucking at it. She was very reserved but if you brought out some bones, get ready to get your ass handed to you and your feelings hurt.

[orangeblossom]

This is where I may or may not lose my black card.

I cannot removed the last time I played spades, and though, I'm sure it's like riding a bikeC no one would want me on their team right now. Even DH would reject me, and have No qualms doing so.

I do not know how to play dominoes. We even have some in the house. I don't know if they've ever been used, since we've been married. They were DHs pre-marriage.

[sfy]

Sept 9, 2015 20:00:12 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

This may beware I lose my black card. I can play spades, but not very well. I can play dominoes, but not very well.

On another note this reminded me of something.. I don't go to potlucks. So I don't have standby dish ideas for potlucks for the one or two times every five years I am imvited to a potluck. Plus what about my dish/pan/plate? Hiw does all that work at random folks houses? No I will just keeping taking wine/prosecco or napkins and cups. I am good.

This is why I love those Hefty EZ Ovenware pans. They look decent enough to take and you don't have to worry about getting it back. I only take actual dishes to really good friends or family.

chloesilverado, yes, that totally sounds like spades. Come by next summer lol.



*gasp* Et tu, orangeblossom? No. I can't let you live like this. It's just not right.

[orangeblossom]

Sept 9, 2015 20:09:01 GMT -5 1234FIF! said:

OH! And my mama used to have spades and bid whist parties so I have no excuse NONE for playing spades so poorly. It just requires me to care and pay attention and I don't.

Is Pokeno a Black thing? My mother beloved to a Poleno Club and they rotated houses every month. Oh the weeks leading up to it when I was at or house. Lots of menu planning.

Also, what about pinochle? My godmother belonged to a pinochle group?

[sfy]

Oh no, @stilljustash and pennypenny. How many of you people are there and what the hell have you guys been doing all these years?

orangeblossom, I feel like pinochle is a lost art! All the old people in my family played but I don't know how to play and I doubt my cousins do either. I know my sister doesn't.

I remember hearing them talk about Pokeno, but I don't even really know what it is.

[sfy]

Sept 9, 2015 20:19:08 GMT -5 @stilljustash said:

Sept 9, 2015 20:16:23 GMT -5 sfy said:

Oh no, @stilljustash and pennypenny. How many of you people are there and what the hell have you guys been doing all these years?

running the spades table? 

lol i don't know. to be honest, there isn't much domino playing at the cookouts i've been to. 

pleasedontkickmeout.

Well, I guess since you and your GAIL never have to get up from the spades table, y'all never noticed Uncle Jimmy and them playing dominos in the back.

pennypenny, there are two ways, because West Indians play one way and AAs play another way, so keep track of who you watch lol!

[Michelle]

The food prep issue is SO ACCURATE for my experience, lol!

I had a new employee (white) bring some dessert to the office. She brought it from her car to the building with the covering on it, showed it to the guard at the front, but then carried it all through the office and stuff uncovered. She could not understand why our colleagues of color looked at her like she was a fool. Then she proceeded to talk about how her dog was under her legs all the time while she was cooking. My favorite colleague Angela shook her head, said uhn uh and walked off.

The next time the same woman brought in a salad to the potluck. Angela raised her eyebrows at it but didn't say anything and just looked at T. T (another African American) held back her snicker (barely) and asked the white girl how she prepares her greens. She said, "Greens? Like collard greens? I don't know how to cook those." T said, "no silly - the salad." The (white) woman said she "rinses" the lettuce in a strainer, chops it and the other veggies, tosses it and there you go. No one of color touched it. Another person brought a store-prepared, sealed tight salad to the potluck and everyone dug into it.

I had to pull the hurt feelings employee aside and explain that I have learned that my colleagues of color have health inspector-level quality of cleanliness in their kitchens or the kitchens from which they will accept food. Between not understanding that she needs to explain a multi-wash process for all green leafy veggies that includes sterilized bowls/pots (don't even try it with your sink unless you are cooking the greens and maybe not even then because your sink could be nasty), and the fact that she described a pet running amok in her kitchen, she should just bring some store bought stuff from then on and not take it personally because most of our colleagues of color were not going to eat from her kitchen without seeing it for themselves.

[sfy]

Sept 9, 2015 20:29:28 GMT -5 mryrcn said:

Jesus Christ we need to play Spades & Dominos at the next gtg. I'll make a pig pickin' cake.

I got rid of all of our board games & kept 2 decks of cards & a set of dominos for our move.

Also, ask who brought what food ALWAYS! See random thread where @ajl discusses novo virus.

Finally, when attending any southern baptist wedding there is always bourbon hidden behind truck seats. Trust.

You are also needed in the taco thread where I was told white people collards consists of frozen spinach, canned soup and salsa. Please get your cousin.

[orangeblossom]

Sept 9, 2015 20:16:23 GMT -5 sfy said:

Oh no, @stilljustash and pennypenny. How many of you people are there and what the hell have you guys been doing all these years?

orangeblossom, I feel like pinochle is a lost art! All the old people in my family played but I don't know how to play and I doubt my cousins do either. I know my sister doesn't.

I remember hearing them talk about Pokeno, but I don't even really know what it is.

It's like Bingo, but you play with a deck of cards. You can play for money. They mostly played with coins. If my mother was looking for her coin jar, you knew what was happening that Friday night.

[EnchantedSoul]

I'm Sitting at the table with skwcm80. I don't know how to play spades or dominos. I mean, I can get down with some Go Fish.

[redwino]

I'm willing to eat at potlucks unless I know you're nasty. I regularly eat random stuff that the PTA brings in.

I'm not very good at dominoes because I can't drink and math. At my my family cookouts, the biggest drinkers are the main ones playing dominoes. I can't hang with the speed of the game nor the speed of consumption. Plus I don't want to cuss out my older cousins because somebody is definitely being called a bitch.

[orangeblossom]

Sept 9, 2015 20:33:16 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

Sept 9, 2015 20:31:59 GMT -5 sfy said:

You are also needed in the taco thread where I was told white people collards consists of frozen spinach, canned soup and salsa. Please get your cousin.

WHAAAT. That sounds gross. Off to read. How can collards be spinach? They are 2 different things.

I mean, spinach is all watery and stuff, and IMO, better raw.   Collards are hearty and have an earthy taste.  Like, why would you ever try to pass them off as greens.  Yes, they are a green vegetable, but that's about it.

Speaking of collards, the natural foods type store here, had a guy selling vegetarian greens in a glass jar that were actually really good.  I almost bought a jar, if not for the price.

[sfy]

Sept 9, 2015 20:43:02 GMT -5 EnchantedSoul said:

I'm Sitting at the table with skwcm80. I don't know how to play spades or dominos. I mean, I can get down with some Go Fish.

I need my Rihanna rolling up the window gif. Go Fish? Bye, girl lol.

[sushi]

H's grandmother is a huge pinochle fan, and she's white as all get out. She'll teach you to play, but only as she's going along and scores big on some move she "forgot" to tell you about.

[EnchantedSoul]

Sept 9, 2015 21:05:15 GMT -5 sfy said:

Sept 9, 2015 20:43:02 GMT -5 EnchantedSoul said:

I'm Sitting at the table with skwcm80. I don't know how to play spades or dominos. I mean, I can get down with some Go Fish.

I need my Rihanna rolling up the window gif. Go Fish? Bye, girl lol.

I can do the Cupid Shuffle and The Wobble! That's gotta earn me some kind of points :-P

[gpw]

Sept 9, 2015 20:20:50 GMT -5 pennypenny said:

sfy I don't know if I know the real rules to dominoes. I have played and watched people play, but I don't know what I am doing.

orangeblossom my family used to play pinochle and Pokeno all the time. I was just talking about Pokeno the other day, but now I think I may have been combining both games. I haven't played either in so long.

OHMYGOD Pokeno.  I have not heard that name is SOOOOO long.  We played that game in my family.  

Isn't dominoes just matching the numbers on the ends?  I mean, I'm sure there is strategy, but is there more to it than that?  Do I have to hand in my honorary black card?  

[2curlydogs]

I am howling at "DO NOT PLAY SPADES" and then "run a Boston on you".

Have I told y'all about the time me and my white-ass husband ran the table at bid whist? When we were the only white people there?