Help me deal with my neighbor

[fashionx]

Please help me nicely deal with my neighbor.

Our neighbors are nice, we don't talk much but when we bought our house 5 years ago they came over with flowers, and we wave and say hello, small talk once in awhile. But we are not friends and haven't hung out or anything.

DH and I are young 30s, first baby. They are 40s, kids range from 9-18ish.

So when we just had our baby the mom and 9 year old daughter came over with a card and $50 Target gift card, which was super sweet but unexpected. I thanked them and talked for awhile and "introduced" them to DD. All fine and good.

About a week after (maybe 2 weeks ago from now), the little girl came over and rang the doorbell and knocked really loud. I was in the middle of nursing and couldn't get to the door right away, and only got up because the loud knocking sent DD into hysterics and needed to calm down before continuing anyway. By the time I got there the girl had gone, but saw me and came back. I didn't know it was her til she came back. She asked how the baby was doing, what her name was again, and asked if she could come over to play. I said, well I'm feeding her now so it's not really a good time, maybe another time. She asked about coming back tomorrow and I said we have guests coming over (true), and right now isn't really a good time for us.

She's come over again at least twice, o answered one time and we had just put down DD for a nap, which she was then woken up by the knocks... So I told her the baby is sleeping now. She needs to sleep a lot and that's mainly what she does.

I'm nursing DD now and pretty sure it was her ringing and knocking again just now. I'm guessing her mom knows when she's coming over, and hasn't explained that it's not a good idea to "go play" with an 8 week old baby, who doesn't really play, and that if we keep sending her away or not coming to the door that we're busy with the baby.

I don't want to be mean. I would be fine with the girl visiting with DD at some point maybe in a month or so when she's up more and not wanting to nurse 24/7, and she can tolerate activities longer than 15 minutes. But right now I can't have her disturbing DD's sleep and nursing time with loud knocks.

Help please.

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[badtzmaru22]

Oh yeah, this will be awesome soon, when she can start "helping" with the baby. I get that it's frustrating for you right now though. Does the mom have your number? I would definitely exchange those if you haven't already, and then every once in a while, text and invite her over if you know they're home. I was soooo into babies around that age, and could totally be trained into being a mother's helper. An eight year old can watch a baby for a few minutes while you go to the bathroom in peace, for sure!!

[cinco]

If you don't want her to come over don't say maybe another time. I'd want someone to be direct to my 9 year old. She is old enough to get it. Explain the situation to the mom too, especially if the child still keeps coming over. A do not disturb sign is also a good idea.

[ECB]

I'm a combo of 2 responses:

I'd start putting up a sign. "Shhhh! Baby is asleep. Please don't disturb!"

And then also, if you see the girl again soon, talk to her. Tell her that you do want to have her over at some point, but right now w/ as young as the baby is and as screwy as a "schedule" as she has, you need to ask her to wait until you invite her over, hopefully in a few weeks. And try to be light about it and express that you're looking forward to having her get to know your baby.

[ny96]

I'd tell the little girl that the baby is not ready to meet new people yet because all she does is eat and sleep, but when she's ready I'll call your mom and we can plan a special visit.

[cricketwife]

I would talk to the mom and just be honest. I would say that she had done an amazing job with her kids and has so much experience and you can tell that her DD is really interested in the baby and you are looking forward to her being a mothers helper when DD is a little oldr, but that right now you are simply trying to figure out feeding, you are sleep deprived and just prefer not to have her DD drop by. I think she will get it. I also think it's a great idea to ask for her cell so that you can text sometime (now or in the future) when it's a good time to visit.

[vanillacourage]

Sept 10, 2015 18:10:51 GMT -5 ny96 said:

I'd tell the little girl that the baby is not ready to meet new people yet because all she does is eat and sleep, but when she's ready I'll call your mom and we can plan a special visit.

Agreed, I don't think I'd hang a sign on the door. 

If you don't have it already, I'd ask the mom for her number so "when things calm down" you can text to see if the little girl can come over for a visit. 

In a couple years this girl is a primo babysitting candidate. Don't F this up!  

[fashionx]

Thanks for the advice!

I am assuming the mom knows that her daughter is coming over, but of course she could be unaware.

I'll go over to their house this weekend and hopefully catch both mom and daughter, but at least the mom, and explain we're just not ready yet for visitors, but would love to have her over in the future. I don't have their phone number yet so that's a great idea to get it and help keep the visits on my time and not whenever she feels like coming over.

I would love if she becomes a future mother's helper or eventual baby sitter, how convenient that would be!

I may still do a sign on the door, but I'll talk to them first so it doesn't look like it's just for them and comes off passive aggressive.

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[imojoebunny]

We have a 12 year old in our neighborhood who comes over often to play with my 6 year old. I thought it very weird, but he is a nice child, and with some minimal supervision, does fine. I would be straight up. Your baby is too young to play, but in 6-8 months, will be big enough to enjoy having an older child play with them. In our previous neighborhood, I really enjoyed the three girls who where 6-9 years older than DD who would come over and "hang out" while I made dinner, did dishes, or what have you. Little girls who love babies can be a treasure. My 9 year old frequently has my neighbors 4 and 2 year old over to play. (Notice, they come here, not the other way around). She enjoys the care taking, and their mom's enjoy having a break.

I would get their number and call to ask her over when you have a few minutes to let her hold the baby in a couple of months. Now is just too early, but babies grow fast.

[monsterz]

I would not assume mom knows she is coming over and doing this. Junior is constantly walking up to strangers in the park and asking them to play, he often does this without my knowledge as he knows i will say no. In our previous neighborhood he would occasionally knock on the neighbor's door and ask the parents to come out and play. When we caught him doing this we explained he needed to ask our permission first.