Which of you wrote this letter??

[ttt]

www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2015/09/dear_prudence_my_mother_s_support_for_donald_trump_is_jeopardizing_her_job.html


Dear Prudence,
I am in my late 20s and tend to lean to the left politically. My mother, who is in her late 50s, was never very political until Donald Trump spewed his venomous ideas about immigration. Now she refers to him as “my man Donald.” My mother works as a nurse in a clinic that caters to a mostly poor population, many of whom are Hispanic. She now thinks that anyone who speaks Spanish or who is of Latino origin is an illegal immigrant. She constantly posts things on Facebook like “When my man Donald is President, I won't have to deal with anymore illegals and anchor babies at [name of her workplace.]” I keep warning her that she could be fired for that, which would be especially bad because she would lose her pension and is less than five years away from retirement, but she rebukes me. She speaks like this in public, trying to get people to react or agree. It makes me sick. I am a teacher and work with a poor Hispanic population. I love all of my kids and know their day-to-day struggles; I try so hard to be a positive role model in their lives and someone they can trust. My mother speaks her hateful views more each time I talk to or am around her. It’s gotten to the point where I cannot stand to be around my mother anymore. Can you offer any advice on how to deal with her or what to do to avoid her? I can’t imagine living this way until next year’s election.

—Democrat Daughter

Dear Daughter,
Since your mother has such contempt for the people she is supposed to serve, it might be good for everyone if she lost her job. I am baffled at the polling numbers for Donald Trump, raging narcissist, but in your mother’s case, it sounds as if her political awakening could be a possible sign of a medical problem. If a previously apolitical person is mouthing off and posting on social media in a way that disparages her patients and puts her job and financial future in jeopardy, then something is off. You are describing a fairly drastic change in personality, so I think it’s worth persuading your mother to get a complete checkup. Please do let us know if the cause of her crush on the Donald is a brain tumor. (Note to Donald: I’m not menstruating.) But if Mom is fine and she’s just responding to Trump’s fantasies of an America sans Spanish speakers, then you need to have a blunt talk with her. Tell her what she’s been saying makes you sick, and you and your mother need to agree to go back to Donald-free discussions or else you two are on hiatus until Trump is no longer politically relevant. Add that if he’s elected president, you will endure an epic gloating session. Say that you’re cutting off your social media connections to her so you don’t have to read her rants. Explain to her that of course she’s entitled to her own views, but when she expresses them publicly, and especially electronically, she’s potentially creating grounds for dismissal and the loss of her pension. Let her know that if that happens, you will be unable to financially bail her out. Let’s hope “her man” craters soon for her sake, yours, and the country’s.

—Prudie

[2doxies]

I love that support for Trump may be a sign of a brain tumor, according to Prudie. Not that I disagree. I'd love to get my FIL checked out for a Trump tumor.

[secretlyevil]

Such distaste for those she is supposed to be helping, gah that's so gross.

[heyjude]

News flash Prudie. Racist people exist in america. Most of them don't have a tumor.

Sorry LW your mom is racist.

[IIOY]

Sept 12, 2015 17:20:45 GMT -5 secretlyevil said:

Such distaste for those she is supposed to be helping, 

I feel like we've discussed on here before that this actually isn't uncommon. 

[secretlyevil]

Sept 12, 2015 17:23:15 GMT -5 IIOY said:

Sept 12, 2015 17:20:45 GMT -5 secretlyevil said:

Such distaste for those she is supposed to be helping, 

I feel like we've discussed on here before that this actually isn't uncommon. 

we have and I am not surprised. I just don't understand how people with no compassion or empathy chose a career that typically require these emotions to be successful.

[ttt]

Sept 12, 2015 17:22:16 GMT -5 heyjude said:

News flash Prudie. Racist people exist in america. Most of them don't have a tumor.

Sorry LW your mom is racist.

[IIOY]

Sept 12, 2015 17:43:26 GMT -5 Dig Ophelia said:

Sept 12, 2015 17:26:58 GMT -5 secretlyevil said:

we have and I am not surprised. I just don't understand how people with no compassion or empathy chose a career that typically require these emotions to be successful.

It seems like Democratic Daughter's mother has found someone who publicly supports her subconscious ideologies and who is popular enough that she no longer feels afraid to voice them, herself.

This was my reaction as well.  I am willing to wager she hasn't changed; she simply feels empowered to show her true colors now.

[secretlyevil]

People suck

[LadySusan]

Sept 12, 2015 17:20:45 GMT -5 secretlyevil said:

Such distaste for those she is supposed to be helping, gah that's so gross.

I know!

And the difference between the mom and the daughter, who it sounds like both work with poor minorities in the EXACT same community, is incredible.  What makes some people respond with help and some people respond with hate?

[katfco]

Sept 12, 2015 17:43:26 GMT -5 Dig Ophelia said:

Sept 12, 2015 17:26:58 GMT -5 secretlyevil said:

we have and I am not surprised. I just don't understand how people with no compassion or empathy chose a career that typically require these emotions to be successful.

Some people choose positions which give them authority/power over those who have some kind of need (as law enforcement, public officers, teachers, nurses, doctors, etc) because it makes them feel in turn more powerful, more privileged, more intelligent, more useful and necessary to society, etc.  

It's less about helping people and possessing qualities like empathy and compassion and having an understanding of their privilege, than it is about indulging their need to be the one who gets to decide who is helped, who is 'good enough' in their eyes, who is more 'deserving', etc.  Narcissistic supply is pretty easy to find when you surround yourself with people in need who are looking to you (because it's your job) to help them.  

It seems like Democratic Daughter's mother has found someone who publicly supports her subconscious ideologies and who is popular enough that she no longer feels afraid to voice them, herself.

In addition to this, sometimes people have a warped/rosy view of the people they will be helping, a bit of a savior complex, and when reality hits, they blame the people they're helping for not being what they expected. I've seen this recently in a couple of the teachers at my school. One commented once during lunch last week that "days like this make [her] believe in forced sterilization." 

[Michelle]

Sept 12, 2015 17:58:36 GMT -5 LadySusan said:

Sept 12, 2015 17:20:45 GMT -5 secretlyevil said:

Such distaste for those she is supposed to be helping, gah that's so gross.

I know!

And the difference between the mom and the daughter, who it sounds like both work with poor minorities in the EXACT same community, is incredible.  What makes some people respond with help and some people respond with hate?

I think some of it is about the optimistic/pessimistic spectrum and internal/external locus of control.

and some people just get burned out.

For example, when I aproach a process improvement at work I look to see what will make the end user's life easier. Then I weigh it against risk. And make a recommendation. I am open to a little risk to make things run smoothly. A colleague of mine is risk averse and wants zero risk so he looks for all the most negative ways a person could manipulate the system even if the scenario is far fetched and it means ridiculous bureaucracy for the end user. He is older and has been burned more. He ain't got time for no bullshit basically. I am more willing to give a system a chance and set up monitors to detect the bullshit from his far fetched scenarios if it means 90 percent of the process is easier.

He believes people try to work the system and will if you give them a chance. I believe some of those people exist but they aren't the majority so why make everyone else suffer?

In the case of democrat daughter, it would mean I am the one believing most of the people they serve are trying to live an honest life and do the right thing and just also happen to be poor. He would believe that most of the people are poor because they are illegals milking the government tit and if they had green cards they could get better jobs and wouldn't need the services.

He burned out his tolerance level and compassion a decade ago. And I piss him off with all my optimism. Because it is harder for HR. But the company doesn't exist to make HR's life easier. We exist to support the company operations.

Operations loves me. Internal audit loves him.

Sorry that was so long.

[Michelle]

As far as the brain tumor goes- sometime people are racist but consciously try not to be, and try to moderate their biases. But a brain tumor in the right spot could curb their filter or even desire to filter and that ugly side could come out. My husband's relative went through a drastic personality change like that for a while and once they removed the tumor he was back to normal.

[sunny]

epic reply

[sfy]

I'm almost crying laughing at "my man Donald."