we're not old enough..do any of you have moms....

[jennlin]

That can't stand their SILs? I really got dumped on when it comes to SILs.

H's sister doesn't like me because she thinks h and I were too young to get married and have babies, and she thinks I took his innocence (he was 25 at wedding, 27 for baby). She also doesn't like how seamlessly I blend in with her parents, aunts/uncles, cousinsan and how much time I spend with them. I speak chinese, so in general, they like me (it's rare in our generation to speak). She definitely feels "replaced" by me. She was 18 when h and I started dating.

I don't like my brother's wife because she's young and undereducated. She is disrespectful, short tempered, immature, materialistic, and racist. In short, she's exactly like my brother! She met and started dating my brother when she was barely 18 (he was 30), and got pregnant, married, and had a baby by the time she was 19.

I've talked about it with my mom, about how having 2 SIL's who I don't get along with is extremely difficult, and she says it'll get better with age. She never had any issues with her SILs (she has 3), so I feel like she doesn't *really* know....

So, what is your mom's experience?

[amandasw]

I would say my mom's experience isn't as bad as yours, but I'm also looking at it 30 years later and I think things did improve over time. My mom isn't one to gossip and go on and on about how bad it was, but I have picked up pieces here and there and can say that it was definitely worse when they got married.

I have plenty of friends who don't get along with their SILs, but on average it's only been a couple years. I know it sucks right now, but I guess you can only hope everyone matures over time! (and your brother's wife has LOTS of time to get older )

[Deleted]

My mom gets along with my dad's sisters really well. They're. All super close. Well, with the exception of my gay hating aunt, my mom has distanced herself from that aunt since finding out everything, but is still cordial.

I'm not bff with h's sisters, but I do like them and I think they like me. I think a big part of it has to do with them not living locally so we don't see them a lot and they're both mormo. They're super nice people, but we just don't have a lot in common.

[llh0211]

I will preface this with the fact that my mom is the most accepting person I have ever met. She welcomes everyone with open arms, and I can't think of anyone that she doesn't get along with, or like. My mom has 3 brothers. Two of which are not married (one is in a relationship, and she gets along well with his gf) The one that is married, they live in South Dakota, so they don't see each other often. But they get along. They don't really have a relationship outside of being my uncle's wife, but they get along well when they do get together.

My dad has one brother. He's married, and my mom gets along okay with his wife. She's kind of different. Well, honestly, they're both kind of different. But they're nice people. Again, my mom doesn't have a relationship outside of the family connection with her.

I have one sister-in-law. Her & I used to be really close, we did stuff together all the time. She's changed a lot... and I find it difficult to spend a lot of time with her. She's very sweet, but I often feel like she's not entirely authentic, and is very much a martyr since having 2 kids. But... I do love her, and we get along, it's just not quite the same as how it used to be. Which I do miss... I loved how we used to be so close.

H is an only child, so no SIL's there.

[Deleted]

My mom technically never had a SIL. My dad only had brothers and my step dad was an only child. Her late boyfriend had a sister that was 10 years younger than her brother and my mother thought that she was an idiot. They got along but she didn't agree with the choices that she made.

[karebear219]

My mom has never really had SIL because she has all sisters and my dad's brother has revolving GF/wives but she has BIL she doesn't get along with and it hasn't gotten better with age. Not worse either, just the same.

Hugs as well from a fellow person who has an evil SIL.

[bettylou79]

My mom and I were just talking about this yesterday. She loves her SIL. She feels closer to her SIL than she does her own sister. Her brother has been married several times and has had A LOT of issues over the past 40 years. My mom says that she is the best thing that happened to our family and the best thing that happened to my uncle. They got married about 10 years ago. My grandma told my uncle that she would disown him if he did anything to hurt his wife! Ha ha!
My aunt and uncle have some tough stuff going on right now. She just found out she has cancer. He has not been making some good choices recently.

[madDawg228]

I think my mom has had issues with two of her SILs. One was married to one of my dad's brothers. From what I know of her, she has a lot in common with your brother's W, except she was 17 when she got KU'd and married my uncle. The problem fixed itself and they were divorced after 5-ish years, so no one in the family had to deal with her after that.

The other SIL is married to my mom's only brother. She's overtly competitive with my mom, my aunts, and all the female nieces (me and my cousins). She would always try to talk "up" her family (parents, siblings, nieces/nephews, etc), and it was just awkward being around her for everyone on our side of the family. After my cousins and I graduated from High School, she stopped coming to family functions, and only my uncle would attend stuff. I think she got embarrassed by how the lives of her two daughters (from a previous marriage) evolved, both became pretty WT, have multiple "baby daddies," and live on welfare.

So, the relationships didn't change with the two "bad" SILs, and things only got better once they started distancing themselves from the rest of the family.

[larzhope]

It definitely got better with age for my mom as well. My dad's two sisters are pretty much both trainwrecks, and my mom has put up with them, but recently with the one sister it's gotten better after my dad laid down a "take it or leave it" type of relationship ultimatum.

With my mom's brother's wife, things really sucked for the first 30 years of marriage. My aunt is just not the most warm and fuzzy person, and she's really shy, so it was really hard for any of us to connect to her. In the last year and a half she got breast cancer, had a double mastectomy and I think it was a little bit of a wake up call for her. Her and my mom are getting really close now, and I think my mom is enjoying finally getting to know her after all of these years.

My brother isn't married, but I have a feeling I will hate whoever he marries (he doesn't have good taste in women at all, unfortunately. hoping he outgrows that). My SIL on H's side actually just accepted a job at my company, and will be moving out here (from the Midwest) and living with us for several weeks until her and her H find a house. I think we will get along really really well, so I'm looking forward to having her out here.

[mkate710]

My mom hasn't generally liked any of her SILs. Two of them, things have gotten worse over time. The other one, things have gotten better. Somehow my mom decided to be accepting of one of them. The other two, not so much.

[hallows]

I, thankfully, have no SILs. Sorry you're having such a rough time with them.

ETA: Sorry, I misread the part where you asked about our mom's experience. My mom's SIL is almost 10 years younger, so that was a big gap when they both had kids around the same time. There was a lot of judging on my mom's part. But now they're practically best friends and talk every morning on their way to work. So I guess there's hope it could get better.

[livinitup]

I never thought of comparing my SIL relationship to my mother's. I guess a 30 year difference and such wildly different personalities never made me pause to consider how much she could relate to me. My mother had one SIL, a wife of my father's brother and was a very bride/mother. But all those stories were from the 60's, in Queens and tied-into a very, very different time. I got married in my 30's and moved to another state. My SIL was also in her thirties and a very difficult personality. My mom got along well with her SIL but they were never close. I wonder why. For a while they lived within a few blocks and had children the same age. They've always been nice to each other, but never close or chummy. I guess its not so different than me - I am nice to my SIL but we are not close. She's awful and I just make a point of not getting sucked into any drama she creates.

[FrozenSunshine]

DH's sisters rock. They're awesome. Couldn't ask for better SIL's. My little brother's wife is a bit odd, but I love her. She was a friend of mine in high school. I hated my older brother's wife, but he got smart and divorced the crazy bitch, so I don't have to claim her anymore.

I can't compare my relationships to my moms. My mom has limited contact with her brothers and SIL's. And she's cordial with my dad's 5 sisters, but she doesn't interact with them, they're in NY. She hasn't been out there in 3 years.

[picksthemusic]

My mom had one SIL with my uncle's marriage, and they got along okay. My uncle and his wife have since divorced, though, and after that, all this "she was crazy anyway" talk came out... news to me. She was always my favorite aunt.

Then, when my aunt got married, my uncle has like 3 sisters, and neither my aunt or my mom got along with any of them - they're all stuck up beeyotches with brats for children. They put up with them for occasional family things, but other than that, they really don't communicate.

ETA: My mom also couldn't stand any of my dad's sisters. His oldest sister was disowned by my grandmother, and the other one was a bible-thumping weirdo (still is). And my other aunt (my dad's brother's first wife - he's on his third wife now, and I love her) was crazy and my mom always said as much.