Would this annoy you and how do I stop it?

[Deleted]

I'd probably say "You ask me that every time you call me. Are you ok?"

But my old man managers have been able to take a joke.

[stretchad]

I would probably call him out on it in a nice way.
The next time he does it I'd say something like "I appreciate that you are concerned for how I'm feeling. However, it's safe to assume I'm doing alright and if not, I'll bring it to your attention. Thanks!"

[VillainV]

"Mr. Jones, I don't think you mean it this way, but I am very insulted by your constant questioning about my mood. It's inappropriate. Please believe that I'm fine, and that if I ever have any work-related concerns, I will bring them to you. Now, about those sales figures...."

If it continues, is there an HR person you can talk to?

[Deleted]

Honestly, it would annoy me, but I doubt you can change it. I don't think this is a "take it to HR" level problem. I really would just turn it back on him, every time. "I'm fine. Are you ok?" It might make it obvious that it's a pretty annoying question.

[Deleted]

I would probably joke about it like "oh wow, do you know you ask me this every time we speak? Yes, I am fine. Maybe I have a weird phone voice? I wonder why I sound that way to you. Moving on..."

[arch01]

I'd be half tempted to launch into a 5 minute long speech about the craziest events I could think of and see if that puts an end to it.

But yeah, it'd annoy me and I'd probably ask him if there was a reason he asked me each time we spoke.

[VillainV]

Does he do this to male colleagues? I doubt it.

[Deleted]

Sept 23, 2015 10:36:41 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Does he do this to male colleagues? I doubt it.

It's true.

But do I want to be the whiner that takes it to HR?

There are consequences to using that as your problem solving technique. And it's not what male colleagues would do. 

[Deleted]

I get you - I'm frequently the only female in a meeting, in my group, in a training session. You have to decide how to react to some things, and it can't be "take it to HR" every time.

[VillainV]

Sept 23, 2015 10:38:35 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Sept 23, 2015 10:36:41 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Does he do this to male colleagues? I doubt it.

It's true.

But do I want to be the whiner that takes it to HR?

There are consequences to using that as your problem solving technique. And it's not what male colleagues would do. 

No, but if you ask him to stop, and he doesn't, then I think it's worth bringing up this (sexist) behavior to someone else. I admit that the HR step would be difficult for me to take though. Is there anyone else you could talk to? A senior female colleague?

[thebreakfastclub]

I get where you are coming from. I had a colleague who was super bubbly, but in a totally authentic way. I am more reserved and low key, and I think it's even harder on the phone vs face to face.

I'd probably just say "I'm fine, thanks for asking" every single time and move on.

HR will just repeat the complaint verbatim to him, he won't understand it, and then it will be worse.

[imojoebunny]

Are you launching straight into getting down to business without any sort of preamble of personal conversation?   A lot of people are more comfortable when they have a moment of chit chat before launching in to work.  Just something simple like, "Hi boss, the weather is beautiful here, how is it up there?"  Boss answers, you move into getting down to business.  It just takes a couple of seconds, but it might put him in a frame of mind to be more relaxed about your standard tone, which he obviously views as tense (even though it is just your regular tone).  

Maybe you are already doing this, and he is still expressing concern?  Then, I would joke with him the next time, that you were gifted with a serious voice, but everything is great.  

I agree that it is likely more a perception because you are female, but I don't think it is going to work to try to change how someone views your tone by going to HR (realize this is not your plan) or offending him by saying your sick of his concern.  I have a "crisp" tone when I am talking about business things, and I have had to learn to soften it a bit, especially on the phone, since people take it the wrong way, and get defensive, which doesn't accomplish my goal of getting stuff done. 

[ssmjlm]

If someone said that I would probably respond with "it depends why you're calling" if they could take a joke.

I have a customer like this. He always asks me how I'm doing so he knows whether to give good news or bad news first. It's just how we've built our rapport. He knows he's one of my more needy ones, so I try and be a bit more personable with him b/c I know that makes him more comfortable.

[ECB]

Sept 23, 2015 11:06:22 GMT -5 imojoebunny said:

Are you launching straight into getting down to business without any sort of preamble of personal conversation?   A lot of people are more comfortable when they have a moment of chit chat before launching in to work.  Just something simple like, "Hi boss, the weather is beautiful here, how is it up there?"  Boss answers, you move into getting down to business.  It just takes a couple of seconds, but it might put him in a frame of mind to be more relaxed about your standard tone, which he obviously views as tense (even though it is just your regular tone).  

 

This is actually a good point too!  I tend to be a "O.k., let's get right to business" person and the person on the other end will even just ask "So, hey, how are you?  Did you watch the game last night" (or what have you) and it stops me for a second and then I'm like "Oh yeah, ECB, let's be friendly for a minute and chat w/ the person!". 

[ECB]

Sept 23, 2015 11:29:25 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Normally conversations go like this:

 

:^)

Ugh. Then yeah, ditto stretchad. I'd try that response for now and see if maybe he'll back off.

[Deleted]

I think you have a naturally happy sounding voice. Even when you are pissed/annoyed I feel like you sound nice. I just think this guy is needy. I would try to ask more BS questions instead of jumping right in. Even though its annoying. Does the conversation have a natural flow after this horrible comment? Maybe you BS, then take charge of the conversation and move it to the next topic. i think he truly just needs more BS and less on topic.

Do you think he gets you? I only ask because him being male and you being female sometimes makes conversation awkward. Some guys just suck at conversation and then throw a girl in the mix and they just sound silly. Maybe he needs to start connecting with you more.

ALso I say all this but also want to say that its a job and you are doing great at your job so none of this feelings stuff should even matter but it does.

[Deleted]

Sept 23, 2015 10:38:35 GMT -5 @tokenhoser said:

Sept 23, 2015 10:36:41 GMT -5 VillainV said:

Does he do this to male colleagues? I doubt it.

It's true.

But do I want to be the whiner that takes it to HR?

There are consequences to using that as your problem solving technique. And it's not what male colleagues would do. 

Bingo.

I like the turnaround and ask him if he's okay solution. Maybe the modeling will allow him to see it as inappropriate. 

But yes, this is not a take it to HR problem yet.

[AmyRI]

If this was the worst of the sexist behavior I have faced in the work place, I'd be doing a happy dance. This isn't even the worst of the sexist behavior I've dealt with since lunch.

Going to HR or senior management about a guy asking if you're ok? I wouldn't. It's just going to make you look bad for complaining about something so small. Yes, it's annoying. No, it's not right. Yes, you should try to change it by addressing it with him every single time. But I'd keep it between the two of you. Vent to other female peers if you have any (and I do totally get why you're asking this here). I just disagree with the recommendation to bring this to any level of authority to handle.

[AmyRI]

Sept 23, 2015 13:43:26 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Sept 23, 2015 13:37:40 GMT -5 AmyRI said:

If this was the worst of the sexist behavior I have faced in the work place, I'd be doing a happy dance. This isn't even the worst of the sexist behavior I've dealt with since lunch.

Going to HR or senior management about a guy asking if you're ok? I wouldn't. It's just going to make you look bad for complaining about something so small. Yes, it's annoying. No, it's not right. Yes, you should try to change it by addressing it with him every single time. But I'd keep it between the two of you. Vent to other female peers if you have any (and I do totally get why you're asking this here). I just disagree with the recommendation to bring this to any level of authority to handle.

 This isn't the worst and I never said it was. I said it's annoying. 

I know. My reply was more to the people saying this is HR worthy. Sorry I'm cranky today!

[fashionx]

Maybe beat him to the punch and ask him if he's ok/sounds upset before he asks you.

"Living the dream, haha how are you?"
"Haha, yeah. Are you sure, you sound a little down today."

Sent from my Moto X using Proboards.