I scheduled my RCS and so I will have 2 kids in a week. I am having all these FEELINGS about DS not being an only child anymore, not having enough time to spend with him, not really connecting with the baby, and of course colic PTSD. DS has been awesome (in a 2 year old way) lately - snuggly and fun and verbal. I feel like I'm ruining his life.
Tell me again that it's awesome and amazing and you love kid 2 just as much. DS is in daycare but I was thinking of pulling him out at least one day next week (I have a light schedule) to do mommy and son bonding but I am an emotional wreck even thinking about it. MY BAAAABEEE.
Ugh, I am normally not like this at all. Hormones.
Since I had a stillbirth first DD was my little girl to the extreme and I never though I could love anymore than her. Then DS came along and nature pretty much worked it out for me.
Sibling love even when they're trying to kill each is pretty amazing. So is the built in entertainment. It's a rough road when they're both little but now that they're older I do manage my time with both of them quite well. And my older doesn't care that much. Sometimes I ask if she wants to do a Mom and Me activity and she says, "Can we bring Buddy too?"
And I look at it this way. I don't resent my mom because I have siblings. You're kids won't either.
Post by mrsGreeko on Sept 24, 2015 10:38:37 GMT -5
Totally normal.
You really can love more than one kid at a time. Your heart just grows to include them.
It will change your DSs life, but it's a wonderful change. He will have a sibling for the rest of his life. Someone with shared life experiences. He's going to love the baby. Maybe not right away, but he will. And when you see them loving each other and playing together and all of that, it just makes you love them even more.
Good luck!
Oh and I kept my older kids out of daycare while I was on maternity leave. They went once a week for continuity, but generally the baby was a lump and I had a lot of one on one time with the older kid(s). I cherished that part of my second and third maternity leaves the most honestly.
When I had C bonding was not instant. I felt like I'd ruined my life for several weeks, at least, and I didn't feel like a mom. Of course I got over that and I grew to love him.
With P, I was already a mom. Even though his birth was a clusterfuck of epic proportions, the minute H put him in my arms it was that weird, all-consuming, fierce love. Immediately.
I didn't believe I could love anyone as much as I loved C, but I was so wrong.
I think most go through that. We would all return our second kids if it didn't totally work out Seriously, two is amazing. I feel like my family is so complete and stinkin perfect.
Since I had a stillbirth first DD was my little girl to the extreme and I never though I could love anymore than her. Then DS came along and nature pretty much worked it out for me.
Sibling love even when they're trying to kill each is pretty amazing. So is the built in entertainment. It's a rough road when they're both little but now that they're older I do manage my time with both of them quite well. And my older doesn't care that much. Sometimes I ask if she wants to do a Mom and Me activity and she says, "Can we bring Buddy too?"
And I look at it this way. I don't resent my mom because I have siblings. You're kids won't either.
This is so sweet.
The other day a friend was teasing that she loved R so much she wanted to bring him home. I asked O if she could take him home, fully expecting him to be thrilled w/ the idea and he immediately got very protective "no! R lives at our house!!".
Then there's days like today where I had a change in DC schedule so DS went but DD is not after PreK. She says, "J can have him! he's whiny today!"
I will say, the second will develop his own personality which is often different than the older one. That's so fun to watch and it's how you love your kid just as much as the first. Reliving all the fun stuff and first stuff through different eyes makes up for all the bad handsdown.
Our kids are almost the same age apart. It was hard at first to have that separation since I was recovering so others took care of him.
I never took him out of daycare although I thought I might.
We do get our special time now that DD is older.
One good thing about newborns (at least mine) is they sleep a lot. So I did make efforts to give DS lots of attention when he was home. DD didn't care if I gave her attention or if someone else did. She didn't know the difference. So you can enjoy your newborn during the day and then bond with your DS when they're home from daycare.
It will be ok, you will love both of them and get special times separately and all together as a family. It's a lot of fun to see them grow and develop a relationship. DD only giggles uncontrollably for her brother, she thinks he walks on water. DS is protective of his sister and loves to tell anyone about her. It's adorable and totally worth the chaos that comes with having two kids.
OP - I feel all the feelings that you posted. Report back in a week (OMG, you're so close!) and let those of us behind you know that we're going to be OK too!
All of these pictures of adorable siblings are making me melt! MOAR PLEASE!
Post by karinothing on Sept 24, 2015 10:51:58 GMT -5
I felt this way too, but since we have brought DS2 home, DS1 has been head over heels in love with him and it has been wonderful. Even now, when DS1 gets upset and cries he says "I want my baby!" and only a hug from his baby brother will make things better. The first thing he does when he gets home or wakes up is ask about the baby and runs to give him a kiss. When the baby cries he sings him songs and the other day was bouncing him in his bouncy chair until he fell asleep. I love it And since everyone else is sharing, here is one of my favorite pictures (although DS2 looks totally different now). I can't wait until he starts to interact more with DS1. (sorry it is so big, for whatever reason it won't let me resize! Super annoying).
Post by gibbinator on Sept 24, 2015 10:52:18 GMT -5
I had all of those same thoughts, I was so sad about ruining poor DS1's life. But it's been fine. The kids really love each other and I think it helped that I kept ds1 in daycare while I was on maternity leave so ds2's arrival didn't disrupt his routine much. In the evenings my time was a bit split but that mostly meant that DH took on baby time while I would spend more time with ds1. I hope your second baby is kind to you!
Post by scribellesam on Sept 24, 2015 11:04:34 GMT -5
Everyone in my family is obsessed with DS2, my older son included. I have so many photos of them grinning and laughing at each other like fools. Sure they have their sibling rivalry moments, and it was tough to juggle them when DS2 was a newborn but that's such a brief blip of time. I'm so happy they have each other.
I've never seen my daughter happier than when she's with her new brother. It has only been a week for us, but I have gotten to spend quality time with both of them. She does look huge to me though!
Last night as I laid E in her crib (had already laid K down and was about to go finish bedtime with J) I thought to myself, it's true, your heart really does grow and you love all of your children so much and equally yet in almost differect ways. Its hard to explain. But each child is my one and only J, or K or E . Before you have another you can't imagine it, but then, it happens.
And watching my children together has to be one of the most joyous things in my life. I love it. I love the way J helps the girls take off their shoes when we get home, or the way he says "do you want xyz baby? Let me show you/help you" I love the the way he offers them a cracker first before he gets his own. I love the way K pats E on the back when she is upset, and I love the way the girls cry and say J's name when J leaves for school (not because they are upset obviously but because they love their brother and miss him).
It will be hard. It's an adjustment, and adjustments are hard. But it will be so worth it!
Post by fallriverjenn on Sept 24, 2015 11:11:12 GMT -5
I have three kids. 6, 4, and 8 months. I feel there are two different love stages with kids. First I loved them because they were my kids and I needed to protect them. The second part of loving them is the love you have for the person they are. It took time for the second love for me. Like months. I love my first two fiercely and more every day but I feel that it was only recently that I started loving all three the same.
Please do not be disappointed if there is not instant love. It will definitely come, just be patient and set realistic expectations of how much you can really love someone you just met.
The best "gift" I ever gave my girls was each other. There is no doubt about that. Hang in there. It'll be great.
I'm a 2x colic survivor & it's easier the 2nd time....also I hear it skips every other child so you are probably in the clear this time. My 2nd & 4th were my colicky kids.
I had just decided I was ready to start thinking about being OAD. Now I am ready to go home and tell H we should start trying now. These pictures, man!
Post by longtimenopost on Sept 24, 2015 11:45:08 GMT -5
Love this! We are just starting our life with 2 at home and I had all the same feelings, especially the first week. I was so weepy! Luckily baby sleeps a lot during the day so I have time for DD!
Definitely make sure you get half an hour of quality time with #1 every day. It doesn't sound like a lot but can be tough! We've managed to keep DDs bedtime routine with me the same and I think it's pretty important to both of us.
The day before my induction MH took the day off, as did I, and we pulled DS1 from daycare and went to the aquarium. It was amazing, a day I'll never forget. We were pumped to meet the baby but I am so glad we had one final nice day as a family of 3. We took a lot of pictures and I still treasure the one of just me and DS1. Highly recommend.
Post by turtlegirl on Sept 24, 2015 11:49:38 GMT -5
The beginning is hard, but that just might be me not being a newborn person at all.
Like others have said, in the beginning if you have a sleepy newborn you can get a decent amount of one on one time with your older child. And if not and they just need to watch tv or play on the iPad all day, that's okay too. Once the baby is on a decent schedule and awake more (around 4 to 6 months) things get way easier and the sibling interaction is the best thing ever.
Post by brady2012 on Sept 24, 2015 12:00:08 GMT -5
I am not an emotional person by nature but the night before my RCS, I sat on my daughter's bed holding her and crying for all the reasons you are describing. My kids are 22 months apart and I felt like I was taking something away from her having a baby so soon.
Fast forward 2 days and DD came to visit us in the hospital, she literally blew by me and ran over to the bassinet so H could pick her up to see "her" brother. It makes me teary thinking about it. She didn't miss us one bit, she was there to see her baby brother. She had no interest in the Ernie doll we got her or anything else. I understood at that point that we were not taking anything away from her.
It is completely normal to feel the way you do, but pretty soon it will be a distant memory. The first day you see them actually play together will bring tears to your eyes for an entirely different reason.
It's going to be fine! It will be tough at first as you learn to juggle two and your older child adapts, but watching my kids develop a relationship has been awesome so far.
Your feelings are totally normal. I felt the exact same way. I thought that I already gave my first child 110% of my love and attention....how would I be able to give the second baby anything? Youjustwill, your heart just grows bigger when the second child arrives.
Post by jessnpaul on Sept 24, 2015 12:47:44 GMT -5
Okay I'm not a crier and my eyes are welling up over here! Stupid pregnancy hormones!
I just can't wait for this! I'm so excited for B to be a big brother!!!
I'm sure all those feelings will come too. I am a little bit sad that he won't be the "only" one anymore. But I think he's going to love his future brother/sister! Or at least that's what I hope for ;-)
I didn't have these feelings while PG but man the few days following dd2s birth I was distraught! I thought I was ruining dd1s life, etc. They love each other so much and after the first few weeks I didn't have those feelings anymore. GL, it is such an emotional rush.