Any SAHMs of twins?

[trafficgirl]

We are debating the possibility of me SAH. With how often the boys have been sick (or just unable to attend daycare), my paid leave is next to nil and my work has been shit - and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

How has being a SAHM of twins been for you? Pros and cons? Things to consider?

I think UnderProtest is a SAHM, but I'm not sure about anyone else?

[ginkgoleaf]

I'll be following this. I'm a SAHM now to my DS, I quit when he was 3. I'll be a SAHM to the twins too. I'm sure it will be crazier than ever, but it wouldn't make financial sense for me to be working, and it's so much easier to do errands and chores during the week since DH works long hours. It means we have more family time on the weekends.

[UnderProtest]

I am a SAHM and I admit it is really tough some days. Part of it is the twin thing, but a lot of it is the lack of family/friend support. But I really couldn't imagine it any other way. I don't know how working moms get themselves and two little beings out the door at a decent hour every morning. My husband and I always planned for me to be a SAHM and getting pregnant with twins only solidified that decision. Luckily he has an excellent career (I always considered myself to have a job while he had the career) which affords us the opportunity for me to stay home and not put our future at risk. The kids are now in preschool and do get sick, but I don't feel the pressure to send them to school during those times. We veg at home and try not to infect the rest of the world. I do struggle with the lack of goals and achievements (a good day is sometimes getting the kids fed and in bed without strangling one of them). Sometimes it is a little isolating because of the city I live in, but I'm also an introvert at heart.

Not sure if this answers any of your questions, I feel like I am rambling......another casualty to staying at home, the ability to form a coherent sentence. Please let me know if you have any specific questions.

[fryjack2]

I don't SAH, but it feel like I do a lot because of the way my work schedule (part time) works out. I am home with the boys 10 days in a row sometimes, work for 2 and then home again for a week, etc.

I never thought I would be a stay at home mom but I was worried about the stress of preemie twins and 2 busy careers. Its been great schedule wise--its easier to vacation, cover child care when H travels, I can get things done during the day sometimes especially now that the boys are in preschool 5 afternoons a week.

Cons- I feel like for ME, this list is longer. I am not a good SAHM. Maybe its the twin 3.5 year old boys in a condo in a place with shit winters, I don't know, but its hard. They boys are exhausting. Some days I dread the day before it even starts and it makes me feel like an awful mom. I lose my patience by the afternoon which is one reason afternoon preschool is great. I've given up a lot career wise which bums me out. My life has changed a lot more than H's. Its hard to see him succeeding and thriving in his career while mine is stagnant. I'm not a SAHM nor am I working mom so its hard to fit into either group here. I live in a big city and most of the mothers in my demographic are SAHMS with very successful husbands or very successful in their own careers.

Part time for me has been good. I get to have a long day off from the boys, I feel like I'm succeeding at something I am good at at work, and I can balance home and work life pretty well.

Somethings to consider are what you are going to do with the day. I have the boys in a lot of activities to get out of the house and break up the day. Its not cheap, so factor in the cost of entertaining them if they need it

Good luck!

[josieposy]

I don't remember how old your kids are, but I know so many people who SAH until the kids went to school. I have never done it, but I get why people do, especially in the daycare years. They really rely on the mom groups for activities and other ways to get out of the house.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

[fryjack2]

trafficgirl I'm laughing because I posted before reading your thread on ML where everyone basically said the same thing---sign up for activities for your sanity

[demandypants]

I am! My twins are 8.5 months old now, so my experience is limited but I will share what I can. We have a 7 yo daughter and I returned to work after 12 weeks maternity leave. It was great, I was happy, she thrived in school and we wallowed through the year of germs and came through the other side. Then we find out we are having two, and I honestly didn't make the decision to not go back until after they were born. We had no idea what life would be like with two more, but we prepared for both situations. I was most concerned with the logistics of getting two to daycare, and DD off to school solo when DH traveled for work. He has a moderate amount of travel and that complicated the situation. In practice staying home keeps our lives more sane in the evenings. It isn't to say I get tons done on the regular. Cause that would be a big old lie. But we keep our heads above water and aren't spending our weekends playing catch-up.

DH also works out of the house, so I do have some adult company through the day even if I stay home. I have a lot of friends around though I am a bit of a home body and would rather get out on my own without kids when I do leave. It is important to me that DH can understand that.

I really thought it would be more difficult than it is, but I was basing it off of DD's personality and these two are so much more easy going and independent so far. If you have any more specific questions I am happy to answer you. Like you my work was in a very meh zone for me and so I don't miss the work. I do miss lunches out, and work friendships. Being with the kids is challenging at times but overall I am loving it!

Good luck with your decision!

[kershnic]

I stayed at home for the past year or so, and my girls just started daycare again at 18 months. In two weeks of daycare we've already had a sick day and violated the 24 hour fever rule. I know that's flame worthy but losing our jobs is not an option. I wish so much I could SAH another winter. But, I also see how much they're thriving on the activities and stimulation of daycare. Some days at home could get pretty stir crazy, even though we did go out everyday.

[origami]

I was/am a SAHM as well. I quit because daycare costs would have eaten most of my salary and I did not love my job. I freelanced during my SAH time. The biggest pro is flexibility. Sick kid? Stay home. Good weather day? Head to the zoo or wherever. Need to start cooking dinner at 4pm because it's fancy? Done. The biggest con is getting no break. There's no time you turn off "mommying" and it's SO draining. When my kids were little I had a hard time leaving the house. I hated feeding them in public and didn't know any other twin moms who understood why I didn't want to take toddlers to a pool by myself, for example. But once I got brave and found play places we could go to it got better. Having something to do each day made it much better. Now my kids are in school FT and I work PT. It's great. I do wish I could have a great career and still have the flexibility we have now but that isn't in the cards for us at this point. I don't think what we're doing right now will be what we're doing in 5-10y but it works. 

[macchiatto]

I originally planned to SAH until my boys were 6-9m old and then do part-time private practice. My boys are now 6 YEARS and 9 months old and I am still a SAHM. (I have done various freelance work/projects since they were 1 and am currently working on re-entering the work force. Re-thinking some things before I really start the job search.)

Overall it was challenging for me but doable. We certainly saved on daycare costs. My boys were sick a LOT from age 1-3ish and I would have had to miss a lot of work anyway. Then one of them started Early Intervention at 2.5 and I ended up SAH longer b/c it made it easier to keep up with the many evals specialist appts and therapy appts. By age 4 they were getting sick a lot less and in K between the two of them, they had one sick day all year. The appts are also down to 1-2/week now instead of 5-8/wk, so that also helps.

Things that helped save my sanity (especially the first 10 months when DH and I shared a car and he worked a ton so I was stuck at home alone w/the babies all day), especially in the early days:
* friends who were willing to come to me to hang out/visit
* play dates
* Y membership with childcare included! Didn't start this til they turned 2 but it would have been really good for me earlier.
* simple things like being able to go grocery shopping alone once DH got home from work
* having a women's group at church with childcare that I started attending one morning a week when they were 1.5
* Preschool! They started right when they turned 3, two mornings a week, and that first morning I was able to drop them both off at preschool and then go sit in a coffee shop with a good book was the first time I thought, "OK, there really ARE benefits to having two kids the same age!"