Retirement Q: you ever worry that you won't

[txannie]

Be able to enjoy your golden years even though youve planned and saved all your hard earned $$$?

I'm in a place where I'm seeing many family members become ill as they are aging and I wonder if there's a way to balance enjoying our money now and still save for the future. One of my fears is hitting retirement and then losing my health or my spouse passing and we didn't take the time to enjoy those moments (ie bucket list ) because we were too busy saving trying to retire early.

I realize this is not an excuse to live wildly, but what's the point if you can't enjoy it??? Many of my friends haven't lost a parent or close loved one so I'm wondering if I'm realizing it sooner than others or if I'm going crazy. I'm in my early thirties fwiw.

[dr.girlfriend]

I am happy that we refinanced to a 15-year mortgage. Without a mortgage payment in 15 years (and hopefully with DS's college already paid for) we should have income to travel, etc. while we are still in our mid-50's.

[winnied]

Definitely. MIL died months after retiring. She and FIL lived well before retirement, I think they did it "right."

On the other hand, my uncle waited to retire until he was 71 and now my aunt's dementia has rapidly gotten worse and she can't do much. I know they intended to travel the world and now going outside of town is confusing and stressful for her. They also lived well but I worry my uncle is wishing he had retired when my aunt asked him to.

[Deleted]

I'm worried about the same thing you are. We are saving a ton right now for retirement and have 2 family members who passed away within 1-2 years of retiring. I hope I can enjoy it with my H someday!

[savannah11]

Absolutely. My mom was diagnosed with cancer just 6 months after my dad retired. She died after a 2 1/2 year battle never getting to really appreciate his retirement.

The positive spin is that my dad and his new wife have spent the past 6 years traveling the world like he always wanted to.

[chessie]

I do think about, average age is our family is 69/70..so DH feels we will probably die prior to actually being able to retire, but who knows.

[Susie]

Yeah. We met with a financial advisor a couple weeks ago, and he wanted to know when we wanted to retire. Pretty basic question, but as we talked about possible ages, it occurred to me that both of my parents had cancer diagnoses and had been through treatment (with different levels of success) younger than the ages we were talking about. They were both 53. Yikes.

My mom is dealing with a lot of anger and bitterness right now, and my personal diagnosis is that it relates to her always putting off the things she "always wanted to do," and now she's unwell, hasn't retired yet, and realizes a lot of it may never happen. I'm not sure how to achieve the balance you're talking about, but it's definitely a concern. I don't want to be like my mom in this respect. Hence, I guess, 3 international trips in the last 14 months, which might be pushing the hedonism side of things.

[raangoli]

Definitely. I wonder about this all the time. We try to balance it with making savings a priority but we also make sure that we have savings on hand to be able to enjoy things now. We like taking a nicer vacation each year, so it's something that we do rather than waiting for when we're retired.

[Awkward]

I do worry about this. There's a lot of cancer running through my family, and I worry at what age I will get it. It's not an if in my mind, it's a when. You could say I've already had melanoma, so here we are.

On the other hand, the women who get past cancer in my family live long, looooooong lives. Mid nineties. Part of me thinks I should work into my late sixties, early seventies, because there's no way I could afford a thirty year retirement! I'm trying to prepare for the best case and the worst case scenarios simultaneously, and it's a lot to think about.

[minzy]

I've definitely thought about it (my mother died in her forties). We are trying to strike the balance that others have mentioned - our priorities are saving money but also spending time with family and traveling when possible.

[txannie]

Glad I'm not crazy. Hugs to you all with loses.

Anyone know where to buy a crystal ball!?!

[starlily]

Yes. One of my CWs who had been looking forward to retirement for years became sick suddenly the day after he retired. He had planned to retire earlier and could have.comfortably done so, but kept sticking around for the extra % of pension. He was admitted to ICU and never left until he passed two months later.

He was the nicest guy. What happened to him definitely left an impression on me and made me rethink my.plans.

[pumpkin]

I worry about this all the time!
There isn't much I can do at the moment to change what I'm already doing with regard to this, but am trying to pay off debt and get to a point where I can save more, much more hopefully, and someday worry less about this. 😳

[kershnic]

Yes. And I guarantee if I posted my budget for MM I would be told we don't save enough for retirement. But, I have to balance. I want to be able to retire and will save for it, but I'm not going to forego my life now in order to retire in more comfort.

[kadams767]

I definitely worry about it. Balance is key, for sure. DH and I have found that for us, a good plan is doing at least one "bucket list" thing every year. It's usually a trip to someplace we've never been, sometimes it's an experience, but it helps us when we are feeling down to look back and be all "well, remember in July when we went to X? I'm so glad we did that."

I don't want to save, save, save and then get to retirement and have to try and do everything then, either. I'd like a good combination of travel, activity and relaxation when I am older. I'm looking forward to the days when I can wake up and leisurely have coffee and go about my day just as much as I am looking forward to being able to take spur of the moment trips to Europe.

[shaynaatl]

This is why balance is important for us. While we save a decent amount, we are not interested in living on beans & rice so we can have more money in retirement.

[phunluvin82]

I have not really thought much about this...but now I am!

The two sides of my family are polar opposites genetically...one side with a history of heart disease, cancers, and mental illness, and the other with almost extreme health and longevity.

So, this post definitely has me thinking! I feel that we don't save enough for retirement, and it stresses me out sometimes to the point that I won't fully enjoy the trips and fun stuff that we DO do b/c I feel that maybe we shouldn't be spending the money.

I guess it's all about balance...but next time I am stressing during an otherwise awesome trip/vacation/whatever, I'm going to think of this post and remember that nothing is assured in life and that sometimes maybe you just need to chill out and enjoy the present.

[Deleted]

Aug 22, 2012 13:06:39 GMT -5 Susie said:

My mom is dealing with a lot of anger and bitterness right now, and my personal diagnosis is that it relates to her always putting off the things she "always wanted to do," and now she's unwell, hasn't retired yet, and realizes a lot of it may never happen. I'm not sure how to achieve the balance you're talking about, but it's definitely a concern. I don't want to be like my mom in this respect.

This is how my parents are also so H and I vow that we will not be like this. We are enjoying life now AND saving for later.

[anna7602]

Aug 22, 2012 13:12:48 GMT -5 raangoli said:

Definitely. I wonder about this all the time. We try to balance it with making savings a priority but we also make sure that we have savings on hand to be able to enjoy things now. We like taking a nicer vacation each year, so it's something that we do rather than waiting for when we're retired.

This. The big thing we do is prioritize between spending on things and spending on experiences. I probably won't give a crap in my retirement about a $300 pair of shoes I bought 30 years prior (so I try to limit that kind of spending), but I will hopefully be happy about some of the places I went while still younger and able to enjoy them with DH and DD.

Seeing my 74-year-old father still work part-time in his "retirement," however, is a good motivator to save as much as I can for retirement.

[explorer2001]

I'm not overly worried about not enjoying it. I'm worried about not saving enough. My grandparents are all still alive. Dad's parents still travel heavily. Mom's parents travelled some but are too sick now. Mom's dad has had Parkinsons for over 30 years and his care is crazy expensive. He's had a great life still has as good a life as could be hoped medically, but I is $$$$$$.

[Deleted]

Yes, my FIL got laid off after 30yrs with an accounting firm, promptly got cancer & died within the year in his late 50s. My ILs worked hard, almost never vacationed & had millions for retirement. Now MIL is alone & is spending her retirement babying her 30+yr old sons and her 5 dogs. I am sure it's not like they planned & FIL would not be ok with his boys refusing to grow up & be financially independent into their 30s. I am not living my life for "retirement" at all. I feel like your 30s, 40s, 50s are not to be worked & sacrificed away.

[mollybrown]

Interesting question. My family isn't known for it's longevity, so I'm embarrassed that I haven't thought about this before.

DH and I could definitely be saving more for retirement. We max out DH's 401k and he has a pension, but we don't have a plan in place for me now that I'm home with the kids. We have made a point to take great trips with and without the kids, but we have so much more we want to see. I think we've been saving okay for retirement while living a great life by default. I think I will enjoy the travel and experiences more now while I'm young, but I don't want to eat cat food when I'm old either.

I think this warrants a specific conversation with H.

[Deleted]

I don't really have this worry because I think I live life to the fullest right now.

[Deleted]

Definitely, which is on the list of reasons why I'm not stressing about not maxing retirement. I do want to save more than we are now, but I'm not willing to sacrifice the present in order to save for a future that may never come. We don't live like wild spenders right now anyway, so to cut the luxuries we have to contribute what we "should" to retirement doesn't seem like a priority.

Also, we do save for retirement, just not as much as MM would recommend and probably less than we should if we want to retire early.

[adlove]

I agree it's a balance. My husband used to be more on the "save every extra penny for later" side of things and I'd rather enjoy some of our money now while we're in good health and childless.

His sister died recently at a very young age and I think that's changed his point of view a bit. We've been traveling more while still saving, and I think it's a great way to live for us now.

[sillygoosegirl]

I read somewhere that half of women in the US are widowed by age 55. That was when I started bugging DH to travel NOW rather than waiting until we retire. When we decided to quit our jobs to travel, I expected to get crap about it from a lot of people. And we did, postly from other young people. What I didn't expect was the number of older women who said, "I wish we'd done something like that before my husband died."

I think it is really important to strike a balance between now and the future. While I am worried that we might not get the opportunity to live as we would like in retirement, it doesn't turn me off from wanting to retire early. Yes, we could get sick or die before 55, but the fact remains that we are far more likely to be healthy enough to enjoy retirement in our late 50s than in our late 60s. I think it's most important to prioritize how you spend your money (and time) each day. I don't think I am ever going to look back and regret making coffee at home, packing leftovers for lunch, playing cards with friends on a Saturday night instead of something more expensive, waiting for whatever movie or TV show to come out on DVD, or baking my own bread. In a week, most of those won't matter, and in a couple months, the rest won't. But I do regret not taking an extra 3 days in Egypt to see Karnak, not attending my childhood best friend's wedding, and other big things of that nature that I will either not get another shot at, or anyway, not for a long time. Maybe you really are saving too much, but it's also possible that you just aren't allocating the money for today as well as you could.

[Deleted]

Aug 23, 2012 0:02:53 GMT -5 sillygoosegirl said:

I read somewhere that half of women in the US are widowed by age 55.

omg. :-( my heart hurts.