I'm super pissed at my BIL

[sugarbear]

... Step-sister's husband.

For this year's birthdays and Christmas, Step-Mom tells her two daughters, me, and my brother's wife that she's taking us to this awesome spa in Tuscon for three days.

I'm psyched. I haven't been away from DS for more than one night since he was born. We can't afford to go on vacation and I haven't been on a freaking airplane in over two years. I haven't slept in a hotel bed in forever, and I canNOT fathom how amazing three days at a spa would be.

Step-sis and BIL have to kids who will be 4 and 2 when we'd go. He doesn't want to be alone with them for three days, so now we can't go.

The trip has been changed to a day spa here, a night in a hotel downtown, and shopping the next day, and it will be a blast, but still. I wanted a damn vacation.

Shouldn't he suck it up for the other FIVE people involved?

For the record, DH was all excited to call BIL over with the kids, set up a tent in the living room, and eat BBQ all weekend.

[Deleted]

I've never understood people who can't be alone with their own kids. For 3 days he should f'ng suck it up.
I'd be mad too.

[vanillacourage]

The one you should be upset with is your step-sister.

[downtoearth]

Your step-sister and BIL are douches if they can't figure out how to let her leave for a couple of days. I'm officially putting them in lame-o-camp.

[sugarbear]

Aug 22, 2012 13:16:56 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

The one you should be upset with is your step-sister.

Oh, trust me, I am. I kind of wonder if she's the one who doesn't want him to be alone.
Not sure. They are a little more high-maintenance as far as parenting goes, compared to DH and me.

[SJ]

That would infuriate me. I'm so sorry.

[dexteroni]

Aug 22, 2012 13:16:56 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

The one you should be upset with is your step-sister.

Correct. But really, both of them are being huge azzholes about this. I would be livid.

Why doesn't your DH still make the offer? If your SS and BIL know he won't be alone, they might be more receptive to the first plan.

But if that doesn't work, you need to set up a girls' spa vacation for you and friend or two. It sounds like you could really use it, and these morons aren't your only chance to have that.

[explorer2001]

None of this means the rest of you can't go. Step sister "can't" go. That shouldn't cancel everyone else's good time. FWIW this ticks me off to a similar degree as my coirker who insists on saying that he can't XYZ, because he's stuck babysitting. They are his own kids. When they are your own kids it is called parenting not babysitting. Parenting is not solely the mother's job.

Eta if you really want to get away I happen to live in Phoenix and I'd be up for a spa weekend. I even have spa and hotel vouchers that I have to use. Just saying

[Deleted]

explorer, I'll be right there if sugar doesn't want to use the vouchers.

in all seriousness, this would annoy me as well. it may not be pleasant to have solo parenting duty, but that's life. suck it up.

[momof2boys]

Can't the rest of you go without her?!

[livinitup]

Why can't you book the hotel for multiple nights and do 2-3 day spa days? And then let SIL come and go as she pleases while the rest of you have an in-town vacation?

[Deleted]

Aug 22, 2012 13:12:38 GMT -5 flygirl said:

I've never understood people who can't be alone with their own kids. For 3 days he should f'ng suck it up.
I'd be mad too.

Seriously! WTF?

[livinitup]

And in my experience, it's not all dad's fault in these situations. Mom is a BIG part of the the problem - I've seen them reinforce the fear and revel in the feeling that only "they" can do the parenting. I feel bad when its legit anxiety, but sometimes its just liking being the "only" one who can do anything with HER kids.

[hannamaren]

My H tried to pull this. I am going away for 3 days in Sept and he said, " so, I will take the baby to my Moms?" (he would go with her) and I said "well, you can, but you could also stay here like I do everyday"

[frauschmindy]

Oh, I would be PISSED. I'm pissed for you.

[minzy]

I'm wondering if it's the JW Marriott Starr Pass in Tucson .... I got to stay there for work once and absolutely loved it. I particularly liked the little outdoor lap pool I had to myself at twilight in January, and the big vats of Arnold Palmer iced tea lemonade in the lobby.

Hopefully it works out for you!

[sugarbear]

Aug 22, 2012 19:05:13 GMT -5 livinitup said:

And in my experience, it's not all dad's fault in these situations. Mom is a BIG part of the the problem - I've seen them reinforce the fear and revel in the feeling that only "they" can do the parenting. I feel bad when its legit anxiety, but sometimes its just liking being the "only" one who can do anything with HER kids.

I really think this is part of it. Honestly, I think he's a pretty great dad. He is home with them every Monday and seems to love it.

I like all these suggestions, and certainly plan to suggest that we carry on.

[sugarbear]

Aug 22, 2012 19:25:31 GMT -5 minzy said:

I'm wondering if it's the JW Marriott Starr Pass in Tucson .... I got to stay there for work once and absolutely loved it. I particularly liked the little outdoor lap pool I had to myself at twilight in January, and the big vats of Arnold Palmer iced tea lemonade in the lobby.

Hopefully it works out for you!

It's Mirival.
I really, really hope we still go.

[mollybrown]

I think you all should still go. Maybe that would teach her about being a mommy martyr next time a fun trip gets planned.

[takeonyou]

Wait -- who cancelled the trip because step sister doesn't WANT to go?

[sugarbear]

Aug 22, 2012 21:44:34 GMT -5 takeonyou said:

Wait -- who cancelled the trip because step sister doesn't WANT to go?

Stepmother, whom I adore.
But I'm annoyed that she'd cancel for this reason (and she would... I'm sure we won't go if step-sis doesn't go).

[aspentosh]

Yeah, I'd be pissed.