Post by vanillacourage on Aug 22, 2012 13:20:49 GMT -5
under an adult's arm, and the kid is kicking and screaming "put me down! NOOOOOOOO!" - would you think that child was being abducted?
I realized the other day that I may someday have the cops called on me because whenever DS1 crosses the Oh No You Didn't line in public I just swoop him up and carry him out of there.
Good question. I don't know. As racist as this sounds, I'd probably be more alarmed if the child didn't look like the person holding them. Also if it was a women, I probably wouldn't care. I guess in my mind stereotypically women are not abductors.
It might cross my mind. But having a 2yr old, I'm very aware of how much fun shopping can become these days. It would be highly irritating, but I hope my phone would be handy to show the photo history in confirming I have a long-standing relationship with the child if C isn't rational enough to confirm I'm mommy (or daddy or kitty, depending on his mood).
Post by mrssavy42112 on Aug 22, 2012 13:27:20 GMT -5
No, I wouldn’t automatically think that. While I’ve never witnessed it, I’d imagine that the things the child would be saying might give it away. That, or the demeanor of the adult. You can kind of tell when it’s a fed up parent. While the child & adult not looking alike might make me think twice, I’d probably assume it’s a nanny or friend.
Not automatically. Usually that kind of situation, the parent looks exasperated and is saying something like "you are never, ever allowed to do that!" or "I warned you, if you did that again we were going home." If the demeanor of the parents seemed shady or uncomfortable and/or if the child was screaming "mommmmyyyyy!!!" then it might look suspicious.
I had my nephew in the food store one day. He was probably 5. Wanted a bag of cookies, I said no. He began throwing a tantrum. When I tried to get him to leave he began screaming "You can't make me, you're not my Mommy."
Had a fun time explaining that one to the store manager.
Good question. I don't know. As racist as this sounds, I'd probably be more alarmed if the child didn't look like the person holding them. Also if it was a women, I probably wouldn't care. I guess in my mind stereotypically women are not abductors.
I hope you never see my white husband carrying my mixed-race (AA-looking) child out of a public place mid-tantrum. DS will pull out the "You're not my dad/mom!" when he's pissed too.
Post by orchideous on Aug 22, 2012 14:09:37 GMT -5
This reminds me of a story that my mother always tells about me.
I was 4-ish and my parents (and possibly pre-school) had been talking to me about strangers and what to do if you were abducted. I had a super cool necklace that I wore that had a whistle on it. I was supposed to blow the whistle if I was in danger.
So I was at the grocery store with my mom and riding in the cart. We get up to the checkout lane to pay. Once we finish paying things somehow get turned around and my mom is at the foot of the cart and I am still riding in the front facing the other way.
The bag boy is helping my mom push the cart out to the car. I totally freak out and start yelling because he is all that I can see "THIS MAN IS NOT MY FATHER! THIS IS A STRANGER" and blowing my whistle as loud as I could. Once my mom realized it was me yelling she said that the poor bay boy was totally white in the face.
This reminds me of a story that my mother always tells about me.
I was 4-ish and my parents (and possibly pre-school) had been talking to me about strangers and what to do if you were abducted. I had a super cool necklace that I wore that had a whistle on it. I was supposed to blow the whistle if I was in danger.
So I was at the grocery store with my mom and riding in the cart. We get up to the checkout lane to pay. Once we finish paying things somehow get turned around and my mom is at the foot of the cart and I am still riding in the front facing the other way.
The bag boy is helping my mom push the cart out to the car. I totally freak out and start yelling because he is all that I can see "THIS MAN IS NOT MY FATHER! THIS IS A STRANGER" and blowing my whistle as loud as I could. Once my mom realized it was me yelling she said that the poor bay boy was totally white in the face.
I had my son at the play area of the mall about 6 months ago (he had just turned two). It was time to leave and he wouldn't put his shoes on and started throwing a tantrum. As my mom says "you can't negotiate with terrorists" so I put him under my arm and headed for the car. The security guard stopped and asked him if I was his mommy. I looked at him and said "does this look like a child that a non-parent would willingly take?". I think he could see how exasperated I was and sent me on my way.
I thought about that, as well. How can you tell the difference between a child being abducted and one that crossed the line in public?
Don't get me wrong, it's a judgment call and trust your gut about "look of frustration/stress/exhaustion" on the parent's face and I'd rather someone err on the side of preventing an abduction than look the other way due to social norms or feeling uncomfortable.
Being the parent of a child who doesn't look like me, and a child who likes to push it in public, these conversations make me nervous.
Post by pacificrules on Aug 22, 2012 14:54:10 GMT -5
I've thought this too, recently. Now that my daughter is 2.5, there's a lot of screaming when I try to carry her or put her in the car. I worry that it sounds/looks like I'm abducting her.
I had my son at the play area of the mall about 6 months ago (he had just turned two). It was time to leave and he wouldn't put his shoes on and started throwing a tantrum. As my mom says "you can't negotiate with terrorists" so I put him under my arm and headed for the car. The security guard stopped and asked him if I was his mommy. I looked at him and said "does this look like a child that a non-parent would willingly take?". I think he could see how exasperated I was and sent me on my way.
I had this same thought the other day as I dragged my 6 year old to the car by her wrist. Why, you ask? Because to prove she doesn't need to listen to me, she ran out into the street. Twice. At 6 years old. All because I made them leave the park after two countdown warnings (ten minutes and five minutes) in preparation, after an hour of playing. You know, like the asshole mother I am.
So, I've got my hand on her arm purely to keep her safe (from herself) and she starts screaming "STOP HURTING ME" and cars driving past are slowing down and it was mortifying. I tried to loudly explain calmly that I was not hurting her but that she chose to run out into the street and until we were at the car, I was going to have to hold onto her to keep her safe and if she'd just walking calmly instead of flailing about, she'd be just fine but the batshittery continued until we got to the car.
In contrast, her 3 year old brother calmly held my hand and walked nicely and politely.
The other day when I picked up DD1 from the gym daycare she looked at me and pointedly said "that's not my mommy" to the lady. Luckily the lady recognized me and they have a system with ids and such, but really I could have killed her. I guess it's good she likes the childcare there!
No, because I wouldn't assume that the abductor would be so brazen about it. As in, I'd assume the parent of the child would be looking for him/her, and the child screaming their head off would probably indicate which way the parent should go. Also, the parent would probably alert mall security, who would also be looking for a screaming child.
My first clue is looking at the adult. If she/he looks miffed, frustrated, put out, etc., I assume he's the parent. If the adult look nervous or suspicious, I would be more cautious.
I've done this before and I always just look put out. It's obvious that I have on my I've-had-enough-of-this-business face.
One of DH's friends had this happen. He and his wife took their 3 year old to a movie. 3 year old got bored and had to go to the bathroom. Friend took him out leaving his wife in the theater. Little boy goes running and friend gets stopped by security. He had no way of proving his DS was his. Tries calling wife who is still in the movie, so the sound is off on her phone. He ended up cuffed in the back of a police car until the wife came out looking for them. I think the little boy wouldn't talk to the police, either. The whole situation horrifies me.
I think for me it would depend on the demeanor of the adult doing the carrying. Did they look frustrated parent or "shut up kid so I can get you out of here before someone asks what's up" creepy.
Post by ILikeSloths on Aug 22, 2012 17:40:38 GMT -5
No. I actually just saw this happen at few days ago at the grocery store and this didn't even cross my mind. The man was clearly embarrassed by his reaction, though.
I used to work with children who had psychiatric disorders and behavioral problems so this was me many times on group outings. I had to escort a child to the unmarked company van when it happened and I always wondered what it looked like to other people and if kidnapping crossed their minds. It was so embarrassing, especially with one little boy because he intentionally misused "stranger danger!" often when he was mad at us.