This is a million kinds of wrong

[gozf]

I just learned that my parents recently grilled my ex husband about Thor. My jaw is on the ground.

I don't care that my parents maintained a relationship with my ex. I have one. We're friends, and we share a lot, which is how I learned this. I like that they like one another. But this is awkward and line-crossing.

The gist is that he "seems" nice, but they're worried about his lifestyle.

I'm stumped. Because there's no lifestyle. He works at a bar, which means he rarely wants to socialize in one. When he gets home after his shift, he maybe has a beer or two to unwind. Yeah, he smokes, but so did my father -- for decades and decades.

ExH assured him that Thor is a great guy, which was lovely and gracious of him. But really not his job!!! And uncomfortable! The fact that my father, WHO IS A PSYCHOLOGIST, cannot see this is alarming.

I'm laughing, because it's absurd, but I'm also livid!!!

[Deleted]

Jebus.

[wrathofkuus]

Does Thor's "lifestyle" entail looking edgy and tattooey and whatnot?

[gozf]

Aug 22, 2012 15:09:27 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Does Thor's "lifestyle" entail looking edgy and tattooey and whatnot?

This is a good question. I guess he looks "edgy." He only has one tattoo, though.

Seriously, guys. My eyes are like saucers and I'm having trouble making sounds.

[LLL]

not cool. what are you going to say?

[Jalapeñomel]

Wait, are you really Brenda from 6 Feet Under?

[gozf]

Aug 22, 2012 15:09:50 GMT -5 @booby said:

are you going to talk to them about it?

Yes. But probably not until after the weekend. I have enough to worry about with the move and the show and my cat's leaky eye socket.

This reminds me of how, when I was in college, they got one of my RA's to spy on me and report back on every move I made.

[wrathofkuus]

I guess your parents don't want you dating a guy who looks cool. More dorks for you!

[gozf]

Aug 22, 2012 15:11:17 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Wait, are you really Brenda from 6 Feet Under?

Sometimes I feel like it!!!!!!!!

[psychmom]

Geez. That's strange of your parents. Really cool of your xh though

[iamgrace]

What's your relationship with your parents?

[wrathofkuus]

Aug 22, 2012 15:12:18 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I don't know, I guess I can understand. It's not really Thor they're objecting to or confused by, so much as it is the lifestyle changes you've undergone recently. They probably think Thor had something to do with or was the impetus for a lot of your decisions lately.

For example. When I was in the eighth grade, I discovered Ministry. And Minor Threat. And a whole lot of music my parents were afraid of. And I started wearing new clothes, and being a general pain in the ass. And my parents' response? "We think that boy Tom is a bad influence on you."

They ALWAYS blame the boyfriend.

This is a VERY good point. My parents at one point thought that Mr. Kuus was a bad influence because since I'd started dating him, I confided in them (and by that I mean let them micromanage me) less and even moved out. It had nothing to do with getting out of my teens and into my twenties or graduating college, mind you. It was the boyfriend.

[gozf]

Aug 22, 2012 15:12:18 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I don't know, I guess I can understand. It's not really Thor they're objecting to or confused by, so much as it is the lifestyle changes you've undergone recently. They probably think Thor had something to do with or was the impetus for a lot of your decisions lately.

For example. When I was in the eighth grade, I discovered Ministry. And Minor Threat. And a whole lot of music my parents were afraid of. And I started wearing new clothes, and being a general pain in the ass. And my parents' response? "We think that boy Tom is a bad influence on you."

They ALWAYS blame the boyfriend.

This is true. But other than a few new piercings (most of which they're blissfully unaware), I'm the same since we started dating.

Simply put, they don't like that he didn't go to college. They don't like that he's a bartender. They don't like that I'm moving to a row home.

[gozf]

Aug 22, 2012 15:16:16 GMT -5 toledo said:

Dammit, I keep typing and deleting what I want to say.

Say it!!!

[wrathofkuus]

Ooooooohhhhhh. You're dropping from upper-middle to just plain middle class. It's like the reverse of the Parent's Dream.

[gozf]

Aug 22, 2012 15:13:53 GMT -5 iamgrace said:

What's your relationship with your parents?

Back and forth. We get along, and they've backed off considerably, but they have trouble seeing me an an adult. I'm the only child, and they're pretty traditional.

[wrathofkuus]

Aug 22, 2012 15:17:56 GMT -5 toledo said:

Aug 22, 2012 15:16:59 GMT -5 gozf said:

Say it!!!

Maybe you should tell your parents that Thor has never fucked any of your friends. Heavy emphasis on "Thor."

Too far? Too vindictive? lol.

Aw, no, not fair.

[Muddled]

Your parents had your RA give them updates on you? REally? How did you find out?

[gozf]

Aug 22, 2012 15:19:14 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Aug 22, 2012 15:17:56 GMT -5 toledo said:

Maybe you should tell your parents that Thor has never fucked any of your friends. Heavy emphasis on "Thor."

Too far? Too vindictive? lol.

Aw, no, not fair.

LOL

I mean. It's true.

[gozf]

Aug 22, 2012 15:19:34 GMT -5 Muddled said:

Your parents had your RA give them updates on you? REally? How did you find out?

I knew they were getting information from someone, because all these weird, inflated, rumor-type versions of events would get back to them. I had my suspicions about this one RA who was from my hometown. We didn't go to school together, but we'd done a few shows, and my folks knew her.

When she went abroad for a semester, my behavior didn't improve, but they somehow missed all the updates.

[Muddled]

I would be absolutely livid. It would take me a looooong long time to get over that.

[sprky79]

I think its time to hand your parent's ass to them. That is absolutely crossing the line and if they want information about your life, the ONLY acceptable place for it to come from is YOU.

I'm livid for you. Holy crap.

[scotty]

That's some boundary-crossing sh*t. I'd be pissed.

[Deleted]

LOL that your parents have trouble seeing you as an adult all the while getting info from you ex-husband!

Ha. They need to loosen up a little.

I am sorry this happened. I'd be weirded out and bummed too.

Maybe it is time to have a talk with them...

[Deleted]

Also. Why do parents always blame it on the boyfriend? Don't they know it only makes us want the boyfriend that much more?

[gozf]

Yeah, I'm pretty fucking unhappy. I just don't have the time or energy to deal with it right now, so I'm putting it in a little box until I do.

You should have seen them, looking at the new house. Holy crap. THERE'S ONLY ONE BATHROOM! The stairs are too steep. There's no off-street parking!

My mom, who does have a heart condition but really likes to pretend she's disabled (and she is not) made a big production of huffing and puffing up the stairs. I got her a chair so she could rest. She still refused to even attempt to go to the third floor. She'd done enough stairs, thank you very much. And she made a snide comment about how she's always have to remember to use the bathroom before coming over. so she'd never have to navigate those stairs again.

[Tacocat]

Aug 22, 2012 15:25:09 GMT -5 scotty said:

That's some boundary-crossing sh*t. I'd be pissed.

Yep. I'd tell them that you're an adult and they don't need to ask others info on you. They should only be asking you.

[wrathofkuus]

Your parents = my ILs

[gozf]

Aug 22, 2012 15:36:24 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Your parents = my ILs

Ugh. It sucks! When they're not being intrusive, snooty pains in the ass, they're really warm, lovely people. And they're polite to a fault, so they never say a word to me about it.

Maddening.