Many years ago we offered our bed to our parents. One situation was when we lived in a crappy apartment w/ a futon as the "guest" bed and each set of parents visited us (at different times). Then another time the ILs stayed w/ us in our row home and our guest bedroom (still a futon but nicer) was in the basement and the only bathrooms were on the 2nd floor. AND our stairs were quite steep too.
Where we live now- I see a LOT less reason to offer up our bed. It's only FIL now and he actually did spend the night not too long ago- he was in the guest room.
Unless your MIL really CAN'T do stairs, I'd give them the guest room. But there is a difference between "can't" and "would rather not". For a short period of time at someone else's house, she can do the stairs. especially as that's where your kids will be anyhow.
Post by noodleskooze on Sept 30, 2015 7:49:26 GMT -5
When my (local) dad and stepmom watch L for four nights next month, my dad is planning on sleeping over at our house so L can be in his crib. We only offered that because they were resistant to baby-proofing their guest room, and no way was I risking that. I'd rather have them sleep over while we're gone than risk Leo getting hurt at their house.
Post by sunshineandpinot on Sept 30, 2015 7:50:09 GMT -5
Thanks for your thoughts. I should add that I really don't like the idea of them using our room; especially when we have a perfectly good guest room that, to be honest, we bought with the intention of them having nice accommodations when they stay with us. They live 12 hours away and visit 2-3 times each year and the guest "quarters" were a huge buying factor in purchasing our home. This was before MIL got really heavy. I should also add that MIL really really hates stairs and walking in general. FIL drops her off at the entrance to restaurants so she doesn't have to walk across the parking lot.
With all that said and your input, I think the right thing to do is offer them our room and make it as comfortable as I can. If they take me up on it, fine. If they don't, then at least I offered.
If I was a betting gal, I would bet that FIL sleeps upstairs in the guest room and uses that bathroom and MIL sleeps in our room and uses our bathroom. I'd put money on it. I'll update when I find out! Thanks again for the input
Post by Velar Fricative on Sept 30, 2015 7:52:51 GMT -5
This is going to come off as saucy but...isn't the whole point of having a guest room to have guests stay there? I wouldn't offer my room if I had a guest room. I'm not big on underutilized rooms anyway so if we did have a guest room, I'd use it whenever the opportunity itself.
I would give them a choice. They are doing a favor & we wouldn't be there. My mom can't do stairs really & doesn't walk much. She's had a bad back & knees for years (has had spine surgery & 2 knee replacements fairly recently) which in part is why she's so heavy. And of course the weight doesn't help her joints. She's been in vey bad pain for years, I'm understanding. My one brother & sister aren't as much but I don't think they have any clue what it's like to be in chronic pain.
Post by Ashley&Scott on Sept 30, 2015 8:29:24 GMT -5
She's going to be doing the stairs either way so I don't really see that as an argument... she's going to need to help the kids get up in the morning & get ready for bed at night. But if you want to be nice offer them the choice.
Hide anything you don't want to be snooped either way though.
I am not particularly possessive of my bedroom. Even when we still had a guest bedroom, I let people sleep in our room because it was more comfortable.
And stairs? Neither my ILs (late 60s) or my parents (mid-70s) would choose a bedroom upstairs if they had the option to avoid stairs altogether.
I would ask her. Our guest area is downstairs and my Mom prefers to sleep with DD in her room in case she wakes up/worries about her running away (DS is downstairs, but contained so NBD).
If I'm gone more than a night she claims our bed. It's just easier.
I am also not possessive of our bedroom. We are not hang out in our room people. There's nothing more than my clothes and makeup in it. Nothing to hide. Nothing valuable/worrisome. So I don't care.
When my grandparents were still able to travel, they couldn't do stairs so they got our room and it was great because of the attached bathroom. H and I went to the guestroom. It was just easier.
My MIL watches the kids early early in the morning sometimes and I tell her she can fall back asleep on our bed (the baby monitor is in our room..she hates detaching it...don't ask...she worries she won't hear it). She takes me up on it about 95% of the time. I'm pretty whatever about it.
I also don't see how she is going to avoid the stairs if she is helping with the kids.
I don't live on two levels, but I would think the kids can spend most of their waking time on the first floor and only go to their rooms to sleep. Whereas when the room you are staying in is upstairs, you might be going up and down stairs to change your clothes, to get your glasses or other personal items you might suddenly realize you need when you're in the living room, wanting to go get a glass of water in the kitchen MOTN, etc.
Even on one-level living, I don't spend a whole lot of time going in my kids' rooms, but I do spend a fair amount of time going in and out of my own room.
Post by moopoint17 on Sept 30, 2015 9:27:33 GMT -5
FWIW, my step-FIL complained so much about our pull out couch in the living room and the noise coming from the street the last time him and MIL were visiting. I have a feeling that I'll be giving up the master bedroom the next time they visit. We don't have a guest bedroom.
I can't complain because they give up their master whenever we visit since their guest bedroom is a little small for all 4 of us to fit in.
I'm torn between following your DH's lead and letting them choose. Our guest room has a futon and random stuff in there. It's great for out friends but we wouldn't ask our parents to sleep in there so we offer our bedroom. In your case, you have a perfectly good guest room so it makes sense to expect them to sleep there. But if your MIL has difficulty getting to it, I don't see the big deal of letting them use your room. She's going to snoop no matter what so I wouldn't factor that into the decision.
Post by autumnfire on Sept 30, 2015 10:27:01 GMT -5
If I have a perfectly functioning guest room? No I wouldn't offer my room up to them. If I didn't have one then yes. MIL has stayed with us to watch DD when we're in a pinch. She's perfectly happy in the guest bedroom and can walk to one of our upstairs bathrooms (she's already upstairs). When Baby #2 comes the basement will become a playroom/guestroom. So that's where she/ Others would stay next. We have options and accommodations for a 'guest' so I would see little point in not using my guestroom for such purposes.
Post by jeaniebueller on Sept 30, 2015 10:43:06 GMT -5
The other thing too, I know that 64 isn't considered elderly, but it IS a ton of work for grandparents to keep up all day with two active kids. My mom is "only" 66 and relatively healthy and she doesn't like going up and down the stairs in her house and has my kids sleep on the first level (cot and PNP setup in the library) when she keeps them overnight. Anyway, the only point I am making is that I would cut your MIL some slack on the stairs issue, especially since she is watching your kids for such an extended period of time and let her decide which room to use.
We don't have a guest room, so I guess it doesn't really matter but I wouldn't have an issue with offering our room in this scenario if it legitimately made MIL more comfortable stair-wise.
Post by aspentosh on Sept 30, 2015 12:40:37 GMT -5
I'm not protective of our bedroom, so I can and do offer it up to anyone that stays at our house.
That being said, we have two big dogs and the guest room is not large so fitting luggage plus dogs in the room (we lock them in with us) would be hard.
It sounds like the only reason that the master would even be preferable would be the stairs. But if she doesn't do great with stairs, I think that is actually all the more reason for her to sleep upstairs to avoid any possibility of having to go up the stairs in the dark in the event that a child needs something during the night (I know you said your kids don't wake up during the night, but there is always the possibility of someone getting sick, etc.).
Um, I have seen your guest room (if you haven't moved and I don't think you have) and it is pretty awesome. I say she can deal with stairs!
Eta: aren't the kid's rooms upstairs? She will be dealing with the stairs anyway.
Aw, thank you! That's nice! Yes, same house and yes, they're upstairs too.... but they can be pretty self sufficent when they need to be. Plus FIL will be here as well and he'll do most of the care-taking.
I'm still going to offer. I feel like I need to :/
Post by gibbinator on Sept 30, 2015 17:59:26 GMT -5
I would offer based on the difficulty with stairs. They can then decide from there between stairs and heat. Dh and I usually sleep in ILs room when we house sit for them and vice versa when they babysit here. But we don't have a guest room so it's our bed or separate couches...
Post by rugbywife on Sept 30, 2015 18:08:35 GMT -5
Yes, in fact when my dad is here he will stay in our bed and we will sleep in the basement. He is 75, he deserves as nice of a spot as we can offer, which is our bedroom.