Deciding to TTCAL?

[konapoppy]

Hugs.

It is hard. After our first loss just shy of 8 weeks it was a very easy decision to try again right away. I got pregnant the first month we tried and I had just turned 29.

The second one has been more challenging (loss at 18w). We still want a child, and doctors have confirmed that what happened this time is extremely unlikely to happen again. As my new OB said, he doesn't believe lightning strikes twice. This is the first cycle we can try, and we agreed to go for it given travel and age. I think we only have one more loss in us before throwing in the towel.

If we already had a kid, I think our mindset would be different. We have wanted two, but at this point would be happy with just one healthy child!

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take your time deciding what is right for you.

I had a missed miscarriage and a d/c. The D/C allowed me some extra time to be ready to try again because it took 7 weeks for me to get my period after the procedure and then I had to wait another cycle before my doctor said we could try again, so about 3 months total before we started trying again.

I was ready by the time we were allowed to try, but it was still difficult. If I already had a baby, then I think I would be done. I used to want 3, not I just want 1 because the stress of trying and first tri is too much.

[HoneySpider]

I'm sorry for your loss

I agree with the other ladies that if I had a child already, I might be done. We've been TTC almost 4 years and it has taken a toll but we both really want a biological child and are going to try everything we can to achieve that before giving up. We used to discuss having 2 vs 3, now we just pray we get one. It's crazy how your mindset can change.

I think for me the fear of not trying/not having a child outweighs the fear of losing another pregnancy. We know if we want a child we have to try even though it's hard and it may end in heartbreak.

I also think it's perfectly ok to take some time and not make a decision right away. I hope you're able to make a choice that is right for you and your family.

[Mushe]

I'm so sorry about your loss and that you find yourself in this place. I had two losses (8w MMC and a CP) and then an infertility diagnosis in trying for #2. I told MH that I'm at my limit, and if we have another loss, I'm out.

I can totally understand people that say they wouldn't try again if they already had a child, but I did a lot of soul searching and deep thinking, and I just really felt like our family was not complete.

It's terrifying - I won't lie - but we are choosing to remain optimistic. Even if this pregnancy doesn't work out, I know we're strong in our marriage, etc., and we'll be okay.

[mpc]

I dove in right away, before my OB's rec even. I think it might've been my attempt to "fix it", by getting pregnant again. I'm having a lot of a trouble getting pregnant at all, so it is hard for me to take any time off. I've only had one loss so far, I can't guess how I will react to more.

[mrsbunny]

I started trying again as soon as I got my period post D&C. I told DH soon after the loss that I "needed to be pregnant again as soon as possible." As if it would make things better. We're now on month 17 so obviously it didn't make a difference, but I'm glad we started trying again so quickly considering the difficulties we're having.

That said, I think the decision is different for everyone. We don't have any kids yet and desperately want some, so not trying wasn't much of a choice. Other people need to take breaks to recover emotionally. I don't think there's a right or wrong answer.