Communicating with your spouse

[HoneySpider]

How would you describe your communication with your spouse?

I'm curious about other people's styles. Such as, do you schedule set times to talk about things, or just hash them out whenever? Does one of you usually initiate the conversation? Stuff like that.

[MrsMB]

We use a combination of both spur of the moment and planned discussions. We are BOTH really bad about panicking when one person asks, "Hey, can we sit down to talk?" and want the person to talk about it rightthatsecond. The mystery makes us both panick. Scheduling discussions really only works on fun things or if we're planning something like a room reno, Christmas gifts, or other major project.

DH usually initiates the harder discussions.

[Deleted]

We tend to talk about things spur of the moment, no scheduling or planning a big discussion. I kind of chatter all the time since I have no one else to talk to lol, and H is often half-listening. If it's important or I need a response from him immediately, I tell him it's important. Generally we talk about important things when we have time and neither of us is preoccupied or too stressed out. Otherwise then we just talk about stuff whenever.

[HoneySpider]

Sept 30, 2015 15:31:15 GMT -5 MrsMB said:

We use a combination of both spur of the moment and planned discussions. We are BOTH really bad about panicking when one person asks, "Hey, can we sit down to talk?" and want the person to talk about it rightthatsecond. The mystery makes us both panick. Scheduling discussions really only works on fun things or if we're planning something like a room reno, Christmas gifts, or other major project.

DH usually initiates the harder discussions.

I kind of hate starting conversations like that, because no matter what the topic is, it just makes it seem so serious and IDK, bad. But I feel the need to say something to differentiate between "hey we need to focus on this conversation" and "I'm just aimlessly chatting." I don't know what else to say though?

[MrsMB]

Sept 30, 2015 16:02:58 GMT -5 HoneySpider said:

Sept 30, 2015 15:31:15 GMT -5 MrsMB said:

We use a combination of both spur of the moment and planned discussions. We are BOTH really bad about panicking when one person asks, "Hey, can we sit down to talk?" and want the person to talk about it rightthatsecond. The mystery makes us both panick. Scheduling discussions really only works on fun things or if we're planning something like a room reno, Christmas gifts, or other major project.

DH usually initiates the harder discussions.

I kind of hate starting conversations like that, because no matter what the topic is, it just makes it seem so serious and IDK, bad. But I feel the need to say something to differentiate between "hey we need to focus on this conversation" and "I'm just aimlessly chatting." I don't know what else to say though?

One thing that has worked with DH is bringing it up casually and saying, "Hey, I've got something on my mind. Can I verbalize my thought our on (subject) with you briefly?" It seems to take the edge off. He's been 1000% more receptive this way. I didn't handle this well in the past and we had some issues because of it.

[HoneySpider]

MrsMB I like that. DH is generally willing to talk about things but I hate that feeling of it being so....forced? Stiff? IDK the right word when we sit down to talk. I think it's hard to initiate heart to heart convos with anyone, not just a spouse.

[HoneySpider]

And before anyone asks, nothing going on in the HS household, no need for important conversations right now, just something I was thinking about today

[MrsMB]

Sept 30, 2015 16:33:06 GMT -5 HoneySpider said:

MrsMB I like that. DH is generally willing to talk about things but I hate that feeling of it being so....forced? Stiff? IDK the right word when we sit down to talk. I think it's hard to initiate heart to heart convos with anyone, not just a spouse.

YES it is...I totally understand.

[amaranth]

We usually debrief in the car after any event or outing and are pretty blunt if the other person did something we didn't like. If it's a normal day we'll send online messages to keep each other in the loop about anything interesting.

Honestly I'd say communication is our biggest relationship strength. We've rarely had issues. We're brutally honest and both good at reaching a middle ground and explaining our side clearly.

[amaranth]

Sorry my first post wasn't useful. Basically, using car time to talk is my suggestion. No one can leave. Lol.

[travelbug]

H and I are actually quite good at communicating. Neither one of us makes it a point to make a plan to talk. We just say what's on our minds that given day. Sometimes I'll say "this is very important to me" if I want 100% undivided attention. We do go on money dates though, once or twice a year to discuss our plans/goals for the next year etc. we of course discuss finances more that just twice a year to clarify lol.

When H works and I don't we usually send a few texts throughout the day. I always talk to him while he's in the shower at home after work. Then video games or tv wont distract him lol.

We are both pretty blunt with each other so it works out well.

[HoneySpider]

Overall I think we do a good job in communicating, but sometimes it's hard just because we have different styles - I like to talk about things as my way of dealing with them (whether it's something between us, or I talk to him more as a sounding board sometimes) and well, he doesn't.

We do typically email a few times during the day, sometimes it's about stuff and sometimes it's just random "how is your day going." We've done this for as long as I can remember and it helps to feel connected.

[wanderingenough]

I'd say we communicate really well. We spend a lot of time together (carpooling will do that to ya!), so topics generally comes up pretty naturally. During a dating rough patch years before we were married, we learned that he doesn't like serious convos to happen via email and I don't like when they start with "we need to talk." I can still usually tell when H is going to say something and is worried about my reaction though, because he tends to preface it with "so I've been thinking..."

[estrellita]

We don't usually schedule things. I'm an impatient person and if I want to talk about something, we have to talk about it now. A lot of times our more serious conversations stem from a specific incident (hey, we need to get on the same page with money, I don't like that you spent $X on whatever today) or fighting about something. We don't really fight that much but we can snap at each other here and there. I'm very guilty of it. I do need to get my mental health into a better place because it's definitely something on my side, although partially out of my control.

[bk1]

Usually we are pretty good about it.

We tend to talk about things as they come up. We don't usually put off conversations and we are open to each other with what we want to say. I think what's hard right now is we would rather talk at different times of the day. We both will start conversations.

We text during the day most days. Nothing special, just checking in on each other.

[pooh8402]

Hash it out whenever. Both of its will initiate conversations.

To tell the truth, 2 partially deaf people just don't communicate well, ha. I tend to assume that he can hear as well as others do, I guess because he doesn't wear a hearing aid or do anything with his ears at all. And I think he assumes I can hear better than I do because I don't wear my aid all the time.

There is a lot of repetition and then bickering because we're tired of repeating ourselves. DH and I have been discussing this a lot lately and I do think he has lost some hearing fairly rapidly. Add in a crying newborn, and it sucks.

We've been doing a lot of communicating in written format, like email or Google hangouts.

[katespade]

We don't schedule conversations, we just bring things up as they need to be discussed.
I struggle sometimes because H prefers to sit and consider situations before discussing them, and I want to figure everything out right then and there. Walking away and giving him the time he needs to process what I've said can be difficult for me to do, especially because I am usually the one to initiate those kinds of conversations.

We're both very open and honest when we talk through things, and we always talk things through until we reach a resolution that we both feel good about.

[melsamoony]

Generally we talk about things as they come up unless we are unable to..H works from home so sometimes I have to wait until he is available to talk...when that happens I just say "let me know when you can talk about x."

We make it a big point to communicate clearly and lovingly in front of DS and if we are unable to do that, we do not have that conversation at that time. We both grew up in households where our parents yelled at each other in front of us all the time and it is not a pattern we are willing to continue. Fortunately when we argue we don't yell, regardless we do not want to have true arguments in front of DS as I don't want DS to experience what I did as a kid....I never saw the conflicts resolve I just saw the yelling and heard the terrible things my parents said to each other it was very confusing.