scared of doctor - toddlers

[CloudBee]

I don't know - maybe for the past year? DS has been terrified of the doctor. Even if he's not outwardly showing it, he has a nervous stomach and always poops. But usually if they have to touch him, he freaks. Eventually. At the dentist he let them count his teeth, then started crying. At his 2.5 yr well visit he flipped when the doctor walked into the room and kept saying "no doctor, me".

He's been through a lot, so I'm sure this is part of it. (Though I know lots of kids hate the doctor at this age.) He went through 2 helmets, PT, SLP, a handful of hearing tests, general sedation for a hearing test, ear tube surgery, lots of pokes and some blood work for the allergist, and tons of ENT visits. Top that off with a few cardiology visits (echos) and he just doesn't want anyone to touch him. Oh, and stitches turned Dermabond last month, and 3 ultrasounds for fetal gallstones / possible intestinal issue. Phew!

Soooo. Give me some tips. I feel like I've tried everything from talking it up as a positive experience (when I know it won't hurt) well in advance, to holding off on telling him we're going to the doctor until we're either in the car, or actually arriving at the drs office.

Yesterday he had a haircutting appointment. I didn't tell him what we were doing until we were about halfway there. I think that helped because the minute he found out, he started telling me "no haircut, me". Then we walk in, and what do you think happens? A nervous poop. Then I had to hold him down in my lap so they could cut.

As I have a history of heart defects and arrhythmia, he's been had 3 echos. Wellll now he needs another, because the pedi noted the reoccurrence of a murmur they heard at birth. (Which they thought had gone away.)

Guys. I know it's normal to pin kids down for shots. But I am so over it. And so is he. I am open to any ideas that will make this easier on us. One of his ear tubes has dislodged, but they wouldn't scoop it out of the ear canal and vacuum the wax (tube was impacted in wax) because they were worried about him thrashing.

A gentle voice and calm approach coupled with hugs and lollipops isn't cutting it.

Time? Is that all I can do is wait for him to naturally accept it all?

[countthestars]

poor guy. My pedi says its normal from about a year until the 3 or 4 year appt to be totally terrified. We watched a Daniel tiger about the doctor today - have you tried that? Or doc mcstuffins? It didn't really help us but maybe it will for you?

[spk926]

Do you have a doctor kit? I would get one and play doctor. DD loves bringing hers to the doctor.

Also, DT has an episode about going to the doctor. Maybe try watching that?

[CloudBee]

Oct 1, 2015 13:36:38 GMT -5 countthestars said:

poor guy. My pedi says its normal from about a year until the 3 or 4 year appt to be totally terrified. We watched a Daniel tiger about the doctor today - have you tried that? Or doc mcstuffins? It didn't really help us but maybe it will for you?

Yes, and a show about the dentist, too. He loves to talk about his experience after the fact, but completely avoids the "crying hysterically" part. Yesterday he even said he LIKED getting his hair cut.

We also bought a little dog in a plastic carrier that came with a vet set, so he plays around with toy medical instruments.

He doesn't watch DT. I will see if I can find that episode and give it a try!

[jeaniebueller]

The best success at that age giving DS a sucker and letting him lay there eating it during his cardiology appointments. I hear you about the thrashing. Until DS was maybe 4 or 5 and I could reason with him, doctor appointments were a nightmare. Would he lay there and play with your phone or ipad?

[CloudBee]

Oct 1, 2015 13:37:20 GMT -5 spk926 said:

Do you have a doctor kit? I would get one and play doctor. DD loves bringing hers to the doctor.

Also, DT has an episode about going to the doctor. Maybe try watching that?

I never thought about bringing his kit to the doctor! That's a great idea! Maybe a larger stuffed animal, too.

[CloudBee]

Oct 1, 2015 13:38:02 GMT -5 jeaniebueller said:

The best success at that age giving DS a sucker and letting him lay there eating it during his cardiology appointments. I hear you about the thrashing. Until DS was maybe 4 or 5 and I could reason with him, doctor appointments were a nightmare. Would he lay there and play with your phone or ipad?

So at his well visit a week or two ago he flipped out, then calmed down when he realized the doctor mostly wanted to talk, and then happily laid in my lap while she listened to his heart. That took a good 5 minutes, and she even shifted him to his side, upright, flat, etc., to hear from different positions. He was totally distracted.

Maybe he'll do okay with the echo? But my thought is that having to remove his shirt + gel will upset him. The stethoscope at the pedi wasn't a big deal once she started, thankfully.

[arch01]

DS had a cyst on his penis that we were really worried about taking him for since he wouldn't even let us ask him to stand still so we could look at it, much less touch it. He ended up being FANTASTIC with a stuffed animal that he could hold the entire time that would help him "be brave" and that he could hug if he got scared/nervous/etc.

That and the promise of the "skinny fry restaurant" (Steak n Shake) with his very own milkshake helped.

The DT episode about the doctor helped us launch into the fact that the doctor was there to help, he was going to be gentle, and that it was ok to be scared...but also stress that he had to stay still and let the doctor do his/her job.

[Deleted]

Oct 1, 2015 13:36:38 GMT -5 countthestars said:

poor guy. My pedi says its normal from about a year until the 3 or 4 year appt to be totally terrified. We watched a Daniel tiger about the doctor today - have you tried that? Or doc mcstuffins? It didn't really help us but maybe it will for you?

I was going to suggest this as well. The Daniel tiger episode about school really helped J. He seems to like the Dr episode too. He has had a ton Dr appts, numerous ENT with 2 sets of tubes and adenoidectomy, allergist, us for hips 2x, and an echo when he was 3 days old (thankfully that one he was too young to remember/notice). I have had to just hold him down for some things but generally he has done ok with just lots of explaining exactly what will happen at the appointment. To be fair though, I think a lot of it is his personality. He is a pretty laid back kid. It's pretty common for kids to be scared of the Dr. I'm sorry he is feeling so nervous though. That has to be hard!

[CloudBee]

When can you start reasoning with them? 4-5?

When we got to the kiddie hair salon and he expressed that he was upset, I offered to let him pick out a toy from their toy nook. No interest. Normally he would go nuts over a new Matchbox car or something!

[Deleted]

Lollipop?

I've had to use them to get Ben to leave places before. They even have healthy ones at BBB.

[t]

DD1 is afraid of our pedi, who has great bedside manner. But he's the man who gives the needles. We hold her in our lap for them and try to distract. She still freaks but at least she's not restrained.
When I was in college I worked for a pedi one summer and I was the person who had to restrain kids for shots. They wanted me to do it since I was temporary and the kids would associated the dr, nurse or parent with restraining/needle. I hated it.

[patbutcher]

My dd is the same but she screams and shakes the second the doctor walks in the room. He can't examine her at all. She is fine with the nurses who give her shots but melts down when the doctor just wants to measure her.

He said it is really common in kids that have had scary/intense experiences when they are really young. DD went through some horrible x-rays where they pinned her down with sandbags etc and I think that is the issue. I'm not sure what to do, just hoping she grows out of it.

A doctor kit sounds like a good idea. Maybe get him to watch that Doc McStuffins show (I have no idea what it is but it's about a doctor, right?)

[CloudBee]

Oct 1, 2015 13:54:41 GMT -5 @fivedogs said:

You could see if there is a Child Life Specialist in private practice or maybe affiliated with one of the hospitals/clinics you are visiting.

www.childlife.org/The%20Child%20Life%20Profession/ChildLifeFAQ.cfm

Great idea! When he was put under general anesthesia at Yale for his ABR, a child life specialist came in with us for about an hour. She had all sorts of toys, and even held an iPad over his head with Bubble Guppies (fave show) just as they put him to sleep. He was still flipping out off and on, but there were some periods of sanity.

I'll have to check to see if Columbia might have a CLS available for us!!

[Dumbledork]

Oct 1, 2015 13:38:36 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

Oct 1, 2015 13:37:20 GMT -5 spk926 said:

Do you have a doctor kit? I would get one and play doctor. DD loves bringing hers to the doctor.

Also, DT has an episode about going to the doctor. Maybe try watching that?

I never thought about bringing his kit to the doctor! That's a great idea! Maybe a larger stuffed animal, too.

This is what we did. She brought her bear, her lovey, and a few doctor toys. She played with them both in the waiting room and in the exam room when she wasn't actually needed, like when the nurse was asking me the intro questions.

Her doctor would then use each instrument on her bear before using it on her bear. She'd look in bear's ear, and then in DD's, listen to bear's heart, then DD's. I think it helped her see, okay this isn't going to hurt. My kid's one of those ones that needs to understand what's happening in order to get through it, instead of it being a surprise.

When she has to do something that might hurt, I just hold her and we take deep breaths till it's over, but we do deep breaths to calm down when she's angry, sad, etc for anything. The routine and familiarity of doing a calming exercise that we use every day seemed to help.

[bina]

My son hasn't had as many traumatic experience as your DS, but Doc mcstuffins really helped him, and I would sing him the the doc is in song when he was getting scared, and I would tell him all the things the Dr was doing was just like doc mcstuffins. I think it helped

[thebreakfastclub]

18m was the turning point for not liking the doctor. DS hasn't had anything worse than shots, but he still remembered and knew he didn't like it there.

We have a play doctor kit, and I really hyped up the last visit. We checked out "Daniel Tiger Goes to the Doctor" from the library the week prior and read it a lot. The key song is "when we do something new, let's talk about what we'll do." We did all of the steps of the exam, using the book and our doctor kit.

We went over what was going to happen at the appointment and DS was excited for getting a pretzel rod when it was done. The good thing is there were no shots at his last 2 appointments, so that helped. I have to take him Sunday for his flu shot, so not looking forward to that.

[thatgirl2478]

Ok so DD1 used to freak whenever we took her to the Dr (particularly after she understood dr = shot). Here's what helped us:

- talking about the Dr A LOT
- talking to her about up coming visits BEFORE we went - well WELL before!
- reading 'Bearenstien Bears go to the Doctor' many MANY times
- taking her with us to OUR doctor appointments
- letting her chill in the doctors exam room - which meant letting her hide behind mommy - and just talking with the Pedi while she was hiding.
- giving rewards for acceptable behavior and EXTRA GOOD rewards for amazing behavior

[thatgirl2478]

Oh yes, it helped IMMENSELY when our pediatrician offered to examine her bunny before he looked at her - AND then he let her listen to his heart with his stethoscope. He's amazing!

[loreleigilmore]

I'm going to echo watching Doc McStuffins. It's a cute show and it can't hurt.

I'd also get high reward treats and let the doctor do as much to me or a stuffed animal as possible. That way the kiddo knows it doesn't hurt. Sometimes we practice before we go by busting out the doctor kit. It does help with calming.

[Deleted]

My DS flipped his shit last year at his 3 year appointment. They couldn't weigh him, measure him, nothing.

I had to take him for a strep test a few months ago and again he flipped out with the nurse and wouldn't get weighed. But he was totally fine when the doctor came
In. The only difference was that the doctor was male this time instead of female like the nurses and the other doctor he saw. Now he's switched to the male doc permanently.

Our dentist is also male and he's fine there. He also does better with male ski instructors. I don't know what his deal is, but I expect him to freak a little when the female nurse tries to weigh him and measure him and be totally fun when the doc comes in again next month when he goes again.

That's probably not it, but worth considering I guess. i never had the same issues with either of my girls and they both saw a male doc for a few years before we switched to a female and have always seen a male dentist.

[jeaniebueller]

Oct 1, 2015 13:45:53 GMT -5 CloudBee said:

When can you start reasoning with them? 4-5?

When we got to the kiddie hair salon and he expressed that he was upset, I offered to let him pick out a toy from their toy nook. No interest. Normally he would go nuts over a new Matchbox car or something!

Yeah, we couldn't do professional haircuts until he was maybe 3-3.5. Until then, my H had to give him trims at home because he would not sit at a hair salon. Even the kiddie ones he hated!

[Ashley&Scott]

Our tricks at the hair salon - letting him "help" the stylist by holding the squirt bottle & spraying his hair. And playing games or watching shows on my ipod.

I wish I had advice for the doctor, M flips out too. I'm going to try some of the advice previously mentioned. He also loses it at the dentist, anyone have tricks for that? 

[greycat]

DS isn't a fan of the pedi or getting his hair cut.

The pedi said it was completely normal for his age and not to worry. She started by showing him a few truck videos (DS is obsessed) which helped a little. After his appointment he went to the doc with me and we spoke about it a lot. I plan to get him a doctor kit for Christmas and prep well in advance of his next appointment (DS is better with a warning).

As for hair, MH gets his haircut first and the stylist lets DS help (by holding the comb, squirting the water bottle). MH or I hold him during the cut and wear a cape (we being an extra shirt for DS). Our stylist said that most kids start sitting alone and not minding the cape around 3-5.

[Deleted]

I bribe DS. I have no qualms about it. I don't tell him until the morning of the appointment so he doesn't freak out early. He gets to pick a sticker before the appointment, a lollipop during the appointment, usually another sticker afterwards, and chooses where to have lunch with a special treat there (cookie at Panera usually).

ETA: same treatment for dentist. They have a treasure chest at our pediatric dentist so DS gets to chose something from that. He can't eat for an hour after having his teeth cleaned, so I usually bribe him with the toy store and buy him something little (usually a matchbox car).

[kitty]

My DD seems to only freak out with male doctors or nurses. We have an important ENT visit coming up that I need her to cooperate for so I went online and printed out a photo of the doctor and read his bio. So the past few weeks I've been trying to have her "get to know" the doctor - showing her the photo and talking about how nice Dr. X is and how he has 3 kids but they are all grown up. I'll report back whether it made a difference or not.

If your DS is scared of all doctors and those he knows well, this probably won't be helpful.

[gibbinator]

Time helped ds1 a lot. He went 1.5yrs between his last doctor visit and first dentist visit and while he was nervous his emotional control significantly improved. My family doctor joked while trying to weigh my screaming one year old "we doctors do spend a lot of time trying to make them hate us" then went on to vaccines...

[babyrn]

I have no advice. Poor guy. DD freaks out at the dr and dentist too. We have a dr kit and have watched the dr episodes of her favorite cartoons and read books about it. Nothing seems to help. I guess I just hope she will eventually outgrow it. We go to the dentist next week and I am dreading it.