I would not have come to the door when the neighbors came. I would have my DH thank them and say we will call them to arrange a visit once things are settled. So that solves that problem.
re: ILs. If they have not seen yet seen the baby, I think they should be able to stop by within reason, which I consider an hour to be. Again, if I was not feeling up to it, I would have had my DH take the baby for a visit and continue resting in my room.
Yes, the IL's should be able to stop by - but they should schedule the visit or at least ASK if it is a good time. I get that they would be excited to see the baby, but at the same time, just calling and saying 'oh we were in the neighborhood' - that sets a precedent that they can do this any time they want to just pop on by. They still need to respect boundaries, especially considering OP just got home from the hospital and is exhausted.
As far as the neighbors, as nice as their gesture was (who doesn't like a nice home cooked meal?), it was def rude for them to come over after being told it wasn't a good time.
So yea, OP - team you. You are just home from the hospital and should not have to apologize for anything or feel bad for saying no to people.
Unless I'm misreading, none of that sounds unreasonable to me. MIL met her grandchild for the first time, yes? And only stayed an hour? I mean . . . that seems really respectful actually.
And the neighbors obviously already had the food. I wouldn't be able to reject that favor.
If you're not feeling well you should feel free to excuse yourself to take a shower and a nap. They will handle the baby for a bit, I'm sure.
Eh, it's "unreasonable" w/ the neighbors because they were TOLD it wasn't a good time. Yes, it's nice they had food but it shouldn't become the burden of the new parents to have to take the food on the neighbors schedule. Drop it off on the front porch or offer to bring it over the next day. Something other than showing up when told not to.
Post by scribellesam on Oct 2, 2015 9:57:53 GMT -5
I'm hoping the neighbors didn't see the reply text before they headed over. They mostly sound like clueless non-parents. I'm sure I did some dumb stuff too when my friends first started having kids.
I always drop food on new parents porches and text. Always. I am FINE with not seeing your baby until it's like 3 months old if that makes it easier for everyone though.
Post by puppylove64 on Oct 2, 2015 10:51:13 GMT -5
Meh... Yeah it sucks for you, but get over it.... Be grateful people care enough to visit and bring food. You can politely visit for a little bit then excuse yourself.
No one is allowed in my home if I am not up for visitors, new baby or not. Family, or not. Free meals, or not. Selfish, bitchy, whatever. I do not care. I have a right to my privacy under any circumstances.
I read the OP as "ILs didn't make it to the hospital" to mean that visitors in the hospital were welcome, but her family was unable to make it? So, it's not like poor MIL and SIL were banned from the hospital and now she's trying to ban them from her home.
The fact that your H told them it was ok to come over leads me to believe you guys never discussed immediate visitors post-baby?? This chat might be timely, if a bit late. Plan for next time this situation arises, maybe.
I am sure my thinking is harsh to some. I just value my alone time and privacy, ESPECIALLY pp. We went on lockdown for two weeks after DD was born. That was our preference.
I am not opposed to visitors at all, but the fact that people were coming over within an hour of us getting home from the hospital is the part that irks me the most. I assumed that most people would think that's intrusive, but clearly we are not all on the same wavelength. Also, MIL's excuse of calling to say "she was in the neighborhood" is irritating (and most likely a lie), but she is already BEC with me.
I'm glad you posted this. Our neighbor/friends are coming home from the hospital with their newborn tonight and I am chomping at the bit to see him. He is their 4th, so I KNOW she will have her hands full. I'm going to stay back for the weekend. Maybe I'll see if she wants some down time next week while the older kids are in school. I could take a few hours off work, watch her baby so she can nap/shower/whatever.
Its good to be reminded about this stuff sometimes. Mine is almost 4yo and I've forgotten some of this.
Now THIS is considerate. And still bring food. We got like, 12 meals in the first few days, but in the next few weeks (when DH went back to work), and I could have used an easy, prepared meal, there was no one to be found.