Parents of inflexible kids

[chickens987]

page I think your dd2 is similar to my dd.

DD is VERY particular about certain things - her bedtime routine is one of them. It evolves over time, but currently it involves me playing "tickle monster" and chasing dd and h around her room tickling her before we put her in bed. No idea how it started, but oh well.

The problem is we are leaving for five days next week and my parents will be watching her. I expect they will not do that and I'm fine with that, but I wonder if I should try to talk dd through it now or just let her deal? I don't want them to be fighting bedtime battles every night because they're doing something "wrong" in her eyes, but I expect even if I said "this will make your lives easier if you do x, y, and z" they will just roll their eyes and not GAF. I don't want this to a traumatic experience for her either though.

Advice? Or just let it go? If you have followed my posts over the years, I have a lot of anxiety leaving dd with my parents and I expect this may just be my way of "controlling" the situation, so maybe I do need to let go. But overall, I think it's a good lesson that dd needs to learn that things won't always be exactly the way you want/expect them...

[hermione]

C is particular about the bedtime routine if H or I do it. If my mm or anyone else is doing it, she couldn't care less. I'd let it go.

[spankswife]

Id let it go. DD has totally different routines with g-ma then she does with us. Let them do their thing.

Prep you parents though that she might ask to do x, y, z.

[chickens987]

Oct 4, 2015 19:50:03 GMT -5 hermione said:

C is particular about the bedtime routine if H or I do it. If my mm or anyone else is doing it, she couldn't care less. I'd let it go.

I thought she'd be like that, but they did bedtime a few months ago and she definitely freaked out. We only knew because we were getting alerts from our camera and took a peek to watch

I definitely think having no phones will be good this trip ;-)

[Deleted]

My DD is a rule follower and a routine expect-er to the last degree. If it's H or I in charge.

Whatever Grandma or the babysitter does is fine by her.

I do leave a general routine for whoever so she's not completely thrown but let them work it out. The more I discuss these things with DD the more she thinks "hmmmm...I can push buttons!"

[mannah]

I've read that babies and kids expect different things from different care givers so she probably won't be looking for them to do the exact same bedtime routine, but to be consistent within their own routines with her.

[Deleted]

When we go away I always write a sheet of instructions with their routines, but tell the in laws verbally and in very clear terms that I don't care one bit if they deviate from our usual way of doing things. The routines are there just for reference in case the kids are having a horrible night and they are at a loss, but I explain to my kids before we go that grandparents will do things differently from mom and dad and that is part of the fun of having them babysit.

It's never been an issue and they definitely don't follow our routines. I think kids know when someone else is in charge and don't have the same expectations as they do with their own parents. This is good because basically my philosophy is short of spanking, they can do whatever they want while they are watching my kids.

ETA after seeing your follow up--just because she freaked once I don't know that she will do it again. And even if she does, it might only be for the first night or two. It's actually my dd1 who is crazy rigid about bedtime (though dd2 is rigid about other things!) and all my fears in this realm have not come true.

[imojoebunny]

My son is very particular about most things, but he is entirely different with my mother. She makes him eat stuff, he won't touch for me, or even if I am around. She has an entirely different bedtime routine that involves a bath, which he has never taken for me (showers). She weaned him, even though he never had a bottle or a cup before, she potty trained him in one day, even though he wasn't remotely interested for me. She got him out of a pack n play and into a bed (at 3.5 years!) even though he would not let me put him in one, and would climb back into the PNP, or cry until I got it out again. She drives me crazy, but she is a savior with my inflexible, stubborn boy.

[jr009j]

DD1 is very particular about her routine with me. Why I put her down, she screams and cries if I forget to tell her that she can talk to her friends quietly. Anyone else, it is totally fine.

I find minimal prep, but not enough to allow her to get anxious is best when we do have to switch her routines. So I tell her once that something is going to be different and then don't bring it up again, unless she asks.

[yellowbrkrd]

M doesn't seem to care as much about routine when he is in other people's care.

[Deleted]

Oct 4, 2015 19:50:03 GMT -5 hermione said:

C is particular about the bedtime routine if H or I do it. If my mm or anyone else is doing it, she couldn't care less. I'd let it go.

Same here. DS is VERY particular about his bedtime routine with me or DH. When he spends the night with my mom she does it completely differently and it's never been a problem. I just let her do her thing. I've never talked to DS ahead of time, or coached my mom on what his bedtime routine is "supposed to be."

[leonard131]

M is very particular about his routine but I have come to realize that he develops different routines with different people. What I do with him at nap time and what our nanny does is,different. Same for when she puts them to bed. You may find the "tickle monster" routine is one she associates with you and H and will be fine with your parents.

[carolinagirl831]

Let it go.. Dd is the same way with us but she has different expectations with others. Plus she's old enough to tell them off she reslly wants something. They'll figure it out. It also maybe that she wants a different routine with them

[chickens987]

Thanks all, you're definitely making me feel better