Poll (but not clicky): Do you ask people for favors?

[readyin07]

Little ones, big ones...any favors?.

My next door neighbor has asked me for few favors - picking up her kids from school (same time and place I pick-up my kid so not a big deal), watching them when she's gotten a hair cut or had to leave for work an hour before her DH gets home, borrowing an egg or sugar. I totally don't mind at all and haven't thought about it, but today I picked her kids up today and she said "let me know when  I can return the favor." And I smiled and said ok and then it dawned on me that I NEVER ask for favors from anyone except my family or maybe 1-2 VERY close friends in the past. If I need something, I never borrow anything, I always just go and buy it even if it's an inconvenience. Even when it's offered I still rarely take anyone up on anything.

I mean I might like ask a receptionist if she could "do me a favor" and try to squeeze me in on a busy day or something like that, but people I regularly interact with, nope! No favors. I am broken, right?

[wambam]

Sure. I try not to be a huge burden but if it's a friend, I don't see why I wouldn't.

[miso]

Yes, I do.

For example, I left my office key card on my desk last week, and I asked my friend to bring it down to me.

Stuff like that.

I do these things for my friends, too.

[scottyderp]

I really try not to. Sometimes with h, but that's expected.

[Deleted]

Once in a while if I have no other options I will, but I always try to find a way to do things myself.

[Bernadine]

Just my family.

[scottyderp]

I had a neighbor down South that would call and ask me to pick up her kids, watch her dog, just a ton of crazy shite. I would watch the dog. Lol.

[Serenity9]

I'm kind of the same way. I'm getting a little better about it.

One thing that really forced me to be okay with asking favors was going for 6 months without a car when I first separated from my ex-husband. I lived within walking distance of work, and used Zipcar a lot, but there were plenty of last-minute things where I asked my friends for a ride. I had done other favors for them in the past, and I have done plenty more for them since, so it evens out. But it definitely was an uncomfortable thing for a while, since I wasn't used to it.

Honestly, I think it helped my friendships a lot to ask for favors. As long as the favors even out, and you're good friends to each other, it's a good feeling to be able to help someone out. And we had more time to chat while we were in the car.

[Deleted]

Yes. I am more than happy to grant them too. Yesterday I dropped off a dress for a friend to borrow and today I asked a friend to help me value something to sell.

[ginger]

Not usually. It's REALLY hard for me to ask for help, unless it's asking my parents to keep M for something. In that case they jump at the chance and I don't feel guilty for asking.

[miso]

My brother also stored his car in my garage while he was in NYC and borrowed one of my cars for a month when he returned.

And my brother-in-law babysits our kid when we go to hockey games.

Etc., etc., etc.

Friends and family help each other. Isn't this how life works?

[knx9211]

No but I don't have any kids so it's easier for me to just do stuff. But if I had something come up, i certainly wouldn't be embarrassed to ask.

[readyin07]

Oct 5, 2015 16:33:08 GMT -5 Serenity9 said:

I'm kind of the same way. I'm getting a little better about it.

One thing that really forced me to be okay with asking favors was going for 6 months without a car when I first separated from my ex-husband. I lived within walking distance of work, and used Zipcar a lot, but there were plenty of last-minute things where I asked my friends for a ride. I had done other favors for them in the past, and I have done plenty more for them since, so it evens out. But it definitely was an uncomfortable thing for a while, since I wasn't used to it.

Honestly, I think it helped my friendships a lot to ask for favors. As long as the favors even out, and you're good friends to each other, it's a good feeling to be able to help someone out. And we had more time to chat while we were in the car.

I feel like there is an interesting study here lol. I was just thinking about how I have been complaining how my relationships are superficial and I wonder if this is related. Like I don't open up to people and ask for help so maybe that impacts friendships. Definitely something to discuss with a future shrink lol.

I am so overwhelmed right now with some stuff going on in my life. I've had a dentist appointment I've had to reschedule 3 times since August that was supposed to be Wednesday. I was going to put DS2 in his preschool's lunch bunch so I could just get it done. Then I realized that DS1 has an early release that day. I could have just put DS2 in lunch bunch and asked my neighbor to pick up DS1 and keep him for two hours until  I get home.  But I didn't. I just rescheduled my appointment instead. Again.

[readyin07]

LOL. And my neighbor just texted me to see if I could pick her kids up again and keep them here after school next week for a little. And she said she would pick DS1 up for the early release day lol lol. And my dentist appointment time slot is probably gone.

[readyin07]

I ask my parents for favors ALL THE TIME (and they also offer). I am more hesitant to do so with ILs, like I feel like I'm burdening them. It becomes an issue like they were here around Christmas time last year and I had DS2 at home with me. I really really wanted them to offer to watch him for the day so I could Christmas shop which would save me from having to go out in the evening to do it or waste a weekend day on it. I was dropping hints about how much I had to do but couldn't do it b/c DS was home with me. But they didn't offer so I didn't ask :/

[ECB]

I really try not to. I have no problem being asked for favors but I do feel wierd asking.

But that being said - schools are closed next Friday, DH may be working, my parents will be in London and I have a meeting I HAVE to go to. Just today I felt out a friend about the possibility of her watching DS for 2 hours for me if DH can't be home. But I really do feel my back is against the wall.

[adhdfashion]

I hate asking for a favor or help with a task it kills me. I don't know why. It's something ingrained in my DNA.

[definitelyO]

usually just surrounding DS - can you pick him up for school? can he play with your child for an hour or 2? but we reciprocate all the time - so it's more like trading play dates than favors.

[sailorgray]

Just family. I always feel like I am putting people "out." Plus, I am not really busy, so I can just do it myself. My friends often offer, though.

I never really mind when people ask for favors. Ask for them is the key word. My neighbor once used the key we gave in her in case of an emergency to come into my house, go through my cabinets and take a pan. I was friendly with her and she and her BF came over once or twice, but that seemed a bit odd. We were still in the getting to know you phase. Plus, she's super-organized and I am a mess. I was probably just more embarrassed.

[pandorica]

I generally hate it, but I've gotten better. I've been asking my friends/coworkers to pet sit a lot and stuff like that. I return the favor whenever I can. I wish more people would ask me for favors so that I would feel less guilty about asking them!

[miso]

Hmm.

Apparently, I should not ask for favors as often as I do. LOL.

[livinitup]

Nope. Not usually.

[05heel]

No. Except for from my brother, which doesn't count because he owes me tens of thousands of dollars.

[Aquatica]

I prefer to do for myself and rarely ask favors even from DH and family. I don't ask favors from friends though, I've been burnt too much in the past and have trust issues.

[BaliHai]

I try not to. It makes me really uncomfortable when I do; I don't like feeling like I owe anyone anything.

[readyin07]

Oct 5, 2015 16:52:10 GMT -5 sailorgray said:

Just family. I always feel like I am putting people "out." Plus, I am not really busy, so I can just do it myself. My friends often offer, though.

I never really mind when people ask for favors. Ask for them is the key word. My neighbor once used the key we gave in her in case of an emergency to come into my house, go through my cabinets and take a pan. I was friendly with her and she and her BF came over once or twice, but that seemed a bit odd. We were still in the getting to know you phase. Plus, she's super-organized and I am a mess. I was probably just more embarrassed.

Lol.  My DH has no problem asking or "taking" favors. When we moved into our first home 12 years ago, we were installing a new dishwasher and something started flooding. We didn't have the specific type of wrench we needed to get the water off. He ran across the street and rang the bell but no one answered and then he spied the tool just sitting out in their open garage. And took it. He returned it apologetically.  I was mortified. And I don't think those neighbors ever liked us lol.

[miso]

My husband also has a super helpful friend from work who is really good at fixing things, building things, moving things, etc.

jigsy knows who I'm talking about. LOL.

[Deleted]

No, I do not. 

[calmcosmo]

Yes, all the time, but I am a military spouse in a very tight knit community and we really believe in the adage of "it takes a village". I'm watching my friend's son for two nights this week and I have my kids at other friends' homes tomorrow evening for a few hours and Friday for a few hours after school. It's either that or pay $15/hour for a sitter. Our kids are mostly 4-9 years old so it isn't a huge deal to have them over - it's just a play date .

In our tight knit world I would be lost without my friends. I don't have family here and my husband is gone 80% of the time. I try to be as generous of my time and helpfulness and not be to "take take take". I've found that my needs and those of my friends really wax and wane and that it all comes out in the wash.

[blondemoment123]

No. I don't handle asking for help well.