When you dated...

[curtains]

Keep in mind I haven't dated in a long time and have been divorced for almost 8 yrs. So my reality is pretty skewed.

I have been dating a guy for a while and although I like him a lot and completely enjoy our time together I can't imagine ever saying the L word or committing to anything long term.

He is quite the opposite. He is very free with his feelings. I don't have any desire to leave and he is super kind and generous. I would love to be in love but I think after so many years out of a relationship I am just haapy to have a sweet presence in my life.

So my question is am I wrong to just hang in there with a really sweet guy? Have you ever gotten to a point where peaceful happiness is enough without some crazy hormonal love affair? Or do I owe it to him to cut the cord and move on?

Fwiw. I enjoy peaceful happiness. He seems to want more..

Anticdotes welcome and encouraged.

[wildfloweragain]

I'd be upfront about my feelings. Maybe bring it up in a conversation, not in a problematic way. It sounds like you just need to tell him you're not there/ready for that yet, and are more reserved at this time. You're not saying you aren't into him, right? If it's that, tell him that.

[Deleted]

Well if you guys want different things and you have been dating for awhile (not sure you're definition of awhile), then it might be time to try to see if you're on the same page at all and go from there. No need to keep stringing things along if he absolutely wants to be serious or get married in the next year and you definitely don't.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 months. I'd say we're serious in that when we talk about the future we discuss each other, we share some expenses, etc, but we haven't committed to the future per say. We're both just content with just being for now. It's not like we talk about being madly in love and getting married next year (or even 5 years from now) and having 3 kids and a white picket fence. We're both just happy and along for the ride and I like that.

So I don't know, I never thought it was "wrong" or something to cut the cord about or have a long conversation about since we're both on the same page, but maybe it sounds like your situation is different in that your boyfriend wants more and you don't? So I think that's definitely worth evaluating.

[cville]

How is the sex?

Good: stay another six months. Break up in early spring.

Bad: break up tomorrow.

So so: two more rolls in the hay, then call it off.

[05heel]

Is he very wealthy? If yes, and he's willing to spread it around, I'd play along. Everyone wins.

[Deleted]

I dunno. I think if I was to date again it would be for very practical reasons.

I don't think I would be looking for butterflies.

Successful? Kind? Good in bed? Able to allow me to be myself and accept me for who I am?

Those are my prerequisites. No warm and fuzzies needed.

[jigsy]

I think a solid relationship can be built without the passionate kind of love, but with companionate kind of love instead. I feel like that's what my parents had for 50 years...it's what they expected I think, passionate love is
a new phenomenon.
And if that's OK with you, I don't see an issue with continuing to see a person that you're not passionate about. But you say you see no future, why? Because you can't picture the type of future you're "supposed" to have? Or does the idea of spending time with this dude in 30 years make you want to cry?
There is nothing wrong with short term relationships, but both parties should be ok with it...don't string a guy along when you know there is an expiration date.

[kirra]

Maybe I'm broken, but I don't need passionate love. I need peaceful happiness.

But I was perfectly willing to commit long term to peaceful happiness.

If you're not on the same page, at some point you need to talk about it. If you never want a long term commitment and he does that's a problem.

[sofamonkey]

Oct 5, 2015 20:06:52 GMT -5 cville said:

How is the sex?

Good: stay another six months. Break up in early spring.

Bad: break up tomorrow.

So so: two more rolls in the hay, then call it off.

This is advice is pretty much the best ever.  Combine it with 05heel 's comment & you're set.  Possibly for life. 

[sonrisa]

Oct 5, 2015 19:55:48 GMT -5 curtains said:

So my question is am I wrong to just hang in there with a really sweet guy? Have you ever gotten to a point where peaceful happiness is enough without some crazy hormonal love affair? Or do I owe it to him to cut the cord and move on?

Fwiw. I enjoy peaceful happiness. He seems to want more...

No. As long as you aren't lying to him and you are both happy, keep on keeping on.

When you say "he wants more" what do you mean? Because if he wants more than you want, then it isn't really going to work out.

[curtains]

Oct 5, 2015 22:40:23 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

Oct 5, 2015 20:06:52 GMT -5 cville said:

How is the sex?

Good: stay another six months. Break up in early spring.

Bad: break up tomorrow.

So so: two more rolls in the hay, then call it off.

This is advice is pretty much the best ever.  Combine it with 05heel 's comment & you're set.  Possibly for life. 

Agreed, lol

[papie]

Oct 6, 2015 8:14:01 GMT -5 curtains said:

Oct 5, 2015 21:41:32 GMT -5 @lazerus24 said:

I dunno. I think if I was to date again it would be for very practical reasons.

I don't think I would be looking for butterflies.

Successful? Kind? Good in bed? Able to allow me to be myself and accept me for who I am?

Those are my prerequisites. No warm and fuzzies needed.

This is it exactly.  He is all these things and I love it.  

I will just have to make sure he is ok with keeping the status quo.  I can go on like this forever but I don't want to be greedy and keep him if he could have someone as loving and demonstrative as he is.

And hopefully this post isn't coming off as it is keeping me up at night or anything.  Just throwing it out there to see what you all thought.  I am happy and hopefully this is enough for him too, I will casually bring it up and feel him out ( kevin arnold ) this weekend

I think you are fine.  If he starts pushing for more, then you have the honest conversation.  

[ECB]

Yup, ditto- talk to him about it. If he wants more and you aren't able to give it, then it's probably time to end things. But if you haven't had that talk or when/if you do, if he's cool with how things are - then why end it if it's working for now?

I don't see a reason to end things now based on what "seems" to be the situation w/o actually talking to him about it.

[scottyderp]

I don't think anyone should settle.