Post by pistolshrimp on Oct 9, 2015 8:39:29 GMT -5
I don't think anyone truly knows unless they've been in that position. And even then one person's reason for attempting/committing suicide are their own. I think the fact that you don't understand is a good thing even though you are frustrated. I think it's a sign that you're in a healthy place. I'm not sure if this makes any sense.
I just wanted to say I agree with the others. Don't feel bad about however you're feeling about him right now. Anger, pain. It's ok.
I think that it is a release from an incredible, all-emcompassing pain, but what it leaves behind is devastating, and my heart goes out to you. I know you will make it through this. It's okay to struggle with these thoughts, to wonder, to try to understand. It just reiterates what a good person that you are. You want to try to understand, even when hurt. Big hugs, sweetie.
I thought my family and friends would be happier without me. I thought it would be a relief when I was gone and they didn't have to worry anymore. I thought everyone was better off without me.
On the other side, I do see it as a selfish act. I was so lost in my own pain that it didn't even occur to me that the people I thought I was helping would be incredibly hurt and forever changed.
So, both, really, but at the time everything was so muddled and unclear.
Hugs. You have every right to feel whatever you feel.
I think their brain is just not working well at that point and they truly believe they are doing everyone a favour by disappearing. But I think it is normal to be angry at him.
I'm so sorry Karma. When my friend committed suicide over 20 years ago I read Darkness Visible by William Styron. It was so helpful to me. He did not kill himself, but the description of his battle with depression helped me understand what my friend had gone through. I choose to think about depression like cancer. Some people who get sick from it die, some people do not, even if they don't fully recover. My friend's depression killed her, even though she put the pills in her mouth that ultimately ended her life.
Who knows what is going on in a person's head to lead them to suicide, so I cannot judge. But I can completely understand a grieving person's anger. It is part of the grieving process. (((hugs)))
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
My mom struggles with depression and has made many suicide attempts. I know for her it's like many have said, she thinks the world would be better off without her. She thinks she will slip into despair and never feel better again.
I'd agree with the others and say that it's some of both. When I was contemplating it myself I truly felt that it would be the best thing for my friends and family. Having lost friends to suicide I can see how they felt it was their only option and it was desperation. It's totally ok to be angry and question it, to feel that it was selfish. Many hugs.
A good friend of mine attempted a few years back. She had three children who were quite young at the time, and I remember just not understanding. We have since talked about it and she told me that she was so depressed and in such a state of desperation and illness that she truly, deep down inside, believed that they would be better off without her.
After hearing how she felt and what she went through, I no longer believe that it is selfish. She thought that she was doing right by her kids and that another woman would be able to step in with their father, be a better mother, a better wife, and that they would all live a better life without her.
I agree with a PP posted that stated someone that commits died from a mental illness.
I am so sorry you are going through everything that you are.
Post by MixedBerryJam on Oct 9, 2015 11:17:10 GMT -5
(((hugs, karmasabiotch))) I'm not sure there's any answer. I think it at the very least looks selfish from an outside perspective, because the pain and chaos of the aftermath is utterly unimaginable. But from the person's point of view, well, I also think that that person's lack of ability to see options is pretty unimaginable, too. I guess maybe it's selfish in that he did something without thinking of the repercussions on you and J, but the fact that he couldn't anticipate those repercussions and didn't see any healthy options for himself points me to a sickness. I wish you had answers. Maybe I just wish you had peace.