BFing Blues/Pity Party

[Deleted]

I feel like such a huge failure, but breastfeeding is not going well (P is 8.5 months). She nurses OK at night and first thing in the morning, but throughout the day she's just so distracted. My supply sucks, I pumped 6 oz today in 3 sessions. I think she's not only distracted but just giving up because there's not enough milk. We introduced formula a few months ago and she's doing fine on it, her bottles are mostly mixed or straight formula, she doesn't seem to care one bit. I've tried literally everything in the book with the exception of that one drug, but my OB was vehemently against it, so I didn't investigate further. 

I wish I knew why my body gave up, or what mistake I made. I tried to keep my pumping schedule very standard going back to work, and I started pumping at 6 weeks to build up a stash which I blew through in about 2 months. I talk to other mom's in our nursing room (we have 3 cubes in an office to use so we can chat which is nice) and they're all like "oh I pump plenty!" and I got a definite lecture from one over the use of formula (but she's a non-vaxxer so I don't give her much credit). One girl was like "oh I pump like 30oz a day on top of breastfeeding 5x!" I almost stabbed her. But she's nice so I let it go. 

So, I'm feeling like a failure about it. My plan for now is to pump 3x a day until she's 9mo, then drop to 2, drop to 1 at 10mo and then to zero at 11. I'll wean at night and in the morning later on. 

[VillainV]

It's normal for supply to drop at that age. And pumping is HARD. You're doing awesome, and there is nothing wrong with formula. Every drop of breast milk is great, but formula is great too. I know it's hard, but try not to beat yourself up too much over it. You're a great mom!

[justjen]

Our babies are basically the exact same age, and I also pumped around 6 oz today. I also nurse first thing in the morning and at night, but most nights he tops with a 6-8-oz bottle.

He's been getting formula supplement from basically the beginning. This is my second time at this rodeo, so I learned not to obsess about supply. As much as I can give him is good for him; no use stressing over what I don't have to give.

Try not to stress. You're doing great, really. All that effort is worth feeling proud of.

[tulips]

You're not a failure. Hugs to you.

Your coworker is a jerk to lecture you about formula.

I know my story is different, but my supply dropped when I was nursing my son because I was pregnant with my daughter. We started supplementing at 9 months and I continued to nurse morning/night and send a little BM to daycare until he was 10 months old. We went fully to formula then. It was very hard on me because I felt like my body was failing him. BFing has brought about emotions in me that I didn't know existed.

[Velar Fricative]

I am sorry, it's so tough.

I dried up suddenly at 8.5 months. One day I sat down for my first pumping session of the day and nothing came out. I don't know what happened. I was already supplementing and nothing I was willing to try helped with my supply, so after a couple more attempts I decided to stop for good. Even though nothing came out, the insult to injury is that weaning was so physically painful for a couple of days. How could my boobs hurt so much when nothing was coming out anyway???

That got long. Anyhoo, it took a while to look back and wonder what I did "wrong" and I just made peace with my boobs just not making enough milk. No fault of my own. EFF was totally fine, DD didn't care at all, and I admit I really enjoyed the freedom of EFF (DD ate every 1.5 hours during the day up until the end). You have been doing such a great job and luckily it sounds like you don't need to stop yet unless you want to; just KOKO with the formula and BF as long as you both want to. Good work!

[jene]

You are not a failure, you are doing great!

Pumping is so draining (ha), and I want to kick your coworker for you. From my experience, a lot of working moms hit a wall around this time (I did). Formula is a great thing, and you are a great mom no matter what you are feeling your baby.

[sparrow]

I stopped about a month ago when my son was seven months for basically this reason. It was the best decision!! I had been feeling guilt and so much anxiety. Plus I was trying not to supplement if I was home. I thought I had a bad sleeper; he would wake every two hours to eat. I think he was just hungry. Now that he's on formula only he sleeps a solid stretch till 4 am. Then up at 6 for the day. So I'm better rested too. And also less distracted and more productive at work!!

I thought I'd miss the cuddles too. And I do... But he's pretty cuddly with the bottle. Added bonus that he's less distracted with the bottle too. Towards the end of our breast feeding relationship he spent half the time trying to grab my face and popping off to look around.

Obviously do what feels right for you, but don't let the guilt stop you if you really are feeling done. You made it so long already'

[Deleted]

Thank you all so much for the commiseration and hugs. I appreciate knowing I am not alone.

[rbp]

Yeah I definitely hit a wall around 6 mo and we started supplementing at that time. M weaned at 11 mo, which was not my plan. But it ended up being ok, and he eats great.

Hugs to you. You're doing great!

[bookqueen15]

You are definitely not a failure! Your experience sounds so similar to mine. My body just did not respond well to the pump at all...the most I ever got was 8-10 ounces in the beginning and that quickly went down to 4-6 ounces by 6 months. Despite no issues breastfeeding before I went back to work when she was 4.5 months old. I supplemented with formula starting around 5.5 months once my meager freezer supply was done. I don't know why but I feel like some women's bodies just will not respond well to the pump. I was pretty blindsided at first since I had no supply issues while breastfeeding before I went back to work and had to pump.

Also, around 7-8 months my daughter was really distracted with nursing as well and it was so difficult, she refused a lot of the time and really preferred bottles since she got them during the day. So even on the weekends I would end up pumping (for 2-3 ounces) if she refused to nurse. She also started refusing to nurse at night before bed as well and I ended up giving her a bottle then and pumping after she went to bed. So I pumped three times at work and once in the evening and never got more than 8-10 ounces between 4 pumps.

Right around 9 months I was off work for winter break for 2 weeks and stopped pumping...I didn't want to spend my whole vacation pumping for such a small amount and she did fine on the formula. I may have nursed her a bit other times but she mainly refused except for first thing in the morning. She continued to nurse first thing in the morning until 12 months, when she stopped on her own right after her first birthday.

That got long, but I wanted you to know you're not alone! It's not easy, that's for sure.

[anna7602]

Oct 12, 2015 20:57:29 GMT -5 @starry said:

Anyway based on my IRL experience (NOT on the boards), most working moms hit a wall sometime between 6-10 months. You are not alone and not a failure. The hormones make it hard to see through this and I am NOT looking forward to going through it again.

Hugs.

I had oversupply and still hit a wall at the 8-month mark with DD. My pumping output decreased, so I added more pumping sessions to keep up with DD. I'm not advocating adding more sessions, just telling you that it's a pretty normal occurrence to see your pumping output go down around this time.

The only way I avoided this with DS was by WAH and nursing him most days instead of relying on a pump as much.

[lilac05]

You have made it 8.5 months pumping and breastfeeding your child. That is a HUGE success...not a failure!

You haven't done anything wrong, and I'm sorry that your coworker is so insensitive. Unfortunately, no matter what a woman does, sometimes the milk supply doesn't last as long as one might like. A drop in supply is common around now, too. Thankfully, we live in a day and age where an excellent substitution is readily available and affordable.

Breastfeeding is so emotional. Try to tell yourself exactly what you would tell your best friend if she was in your position.

[luv2rn4fun]

You are far from a failure! You are such a great mom and have made it so far breastfeeding! Please be easier on yourself.

C is almost 10 months old and for the last 1.5 months it's been much harder (and he's exclusively nursed, no pumping...and I had oversupply issues). He's constantly distracted and it's so hard to nurse him some days. I did find that if I walk around with him (vs. sitting with the nursing pillow) that I would get him to eat longer. I actually randomly found this out when we went for a hike and I had to nurse him in the parking lot. I also cannot be around anything distracting or he won't eat. He's just too busy these days. Like P, he eats well first thing in the morning and at night...all day sessions are on the shorter side (lucky to get 10 min and sometimes 5 is all he will do).

((hugs)) and many congrats! You are doing a great job!

[Deleted]

Oct 13, 2015 8:07:11 GMT -5 @fivedogs said:

I never had a great supply, but I definitely stopped pumping around or just after that point with DD1. But we continued to nurse morning and night and weekends until she was 15 months old. I am a firm believer in not letting the pumping stress ruin the snuggly/emotional side of BFing.

I'm talking to H/her Pedi about cutting out pumping at this point. It's giving me serious anxiety (and we all know I'm already dealing with enough of that TYVM!). 

[mellimel19]

Try not to beat yourself up over it. You're doing great, and look how far you've made it already! There is nothing wrong with formula, and every little bit of BM P is getting is great. I know my supply dropped around that time, and from what I've read, it's pretty common around the 8 month mark. I don't really have any advice, just wanted to offer hugs and tell you how great you're doing

[vmars]

Your plan sounds great! My supply also tanked around this time and I previously had an oversupply. I had a freezer stash that got me to 11 months and then I supplemented with wcm. You can also try and up her solids so you don't have to do as much formula.