I saw my ob/gyn on Friday for an std test. Still no results. I saw an attorney today and I shouldn't have bothered. He mainly does matrimonial/family and basically told me that he has seen much worse and at least he isn't physically cheating (that I have proof of), is abusive, or an alcoholic/addict. That since we are pretty close to equal caregivers, if we divorced, he wouldn't just get e/o weekend and 1 night/week. That I'd be entitled to a small amount of alimony but nothing to keep up my current standard of living. Still haven't found a therapist but I am waiting for a lead or 2 from an understanding work contact.
I wonder if I missed a second update. Did you approach DH yet? What happened with that if so? Glad to hear you are taking measures to protect yourself. I'd find another lawyer. He sounds insensitive even if his thoughts / legal advice are true. Hang in there.
I wonder if I missed a second update. Did you approach DH yet? What happened with that if so? Glad to hear you are taking measures to protect yourself. I'd find another lawyer. He sounds insensitive even if his thoughts / legal advice are true. Hang in there.
I haven't said anything yet. I wanted to see a therapist first but that doesn't look like it's happening any time soon.
I'm sorry the lawyer wasn't more helpful. Would it be worthwhile to seek out a second consultation? I know that must suck so much mental energy though.
Holy Jesus that attorney sucks. SUCKS. Like, shouldn't be practicing law sucks. You don't tell someone contemplating their options that they should stay because he's seen worse. WHAT.
I'm glad you are seeking out a therapist. I think that will be your most critical point of contact in the next few months.
I'm sorry. Even if the attorney's legal advice was accurate he shouldn't have opined on the severity of what your H did and say he has seen worse. That was just unwarranted.
I hope you can get in to see a therapist soon. Hugs.
The attorney was an insensitive dick. I am sorry. His legal advice may be sound, as while what your husband did makes him a bad husband, he did not endanger or abandon the kids. That's usually what makes for a more weighted custody discussion. But I would still find someone to work with. It's not a happy huggy field though.
I think you need to start the conversation with your husband and seek joint and solo counseling. Many hugs. We are here for you.
Unfortunately, the attorney you saw is being truthful with you. Cheating doesn't really matter in divorce. In some states you can ask for 50% back from the money he spent cheating, but that's kind of it. If he was a good dad, cheating won't effect his custody. You can be a shitty husband and still get joint custody. That being said, if you didn't like the attorney, look for another, but if they are making you big promises they aren't a good family law attorney.
There is no reason to stay with anyone ever if you don't feel like it is a healthy relationship and it's not for a divorce attorney to decide what warrants proceeding with a divorce and what doesn't. I'm sorry that this one you met with sounds like such a colossal jerk.
I wish you lots of strength going forward in resolving this, either as a couple or on your own. I sincerely hope you won't feel judged regardless of what you choose to do, it's definitely a tough situation and only you know what would make you happiest. I think a therapist could really help you figure out this last part and I do hope you are able to meet with one soon.
Holy Jesus that attorney sucks. SUCKS. Like, shouldn't be practicing law sucks. You don't tell someone contemplating their options that they should stay because he's seen worse. WHAT.
I'm glad you are seeking out a therapist. I think that will be your most critical point of contact in the next few months.
To be fair, the OP doesn't say anything about the attorney saying she should stay in the relationship. Just that the custody would end up close to joint, and that alimony would not keep up her financial standard of living. All of which may be true. My BFF who is a defense attorney has a talk he gives to clients that have unrealistic expectations. It begins with "I'm your lawyer, not your Fairy F***ing Godmother".
OP despite this I would at least find another attorney to get a second opinion, especially if this guy doesn't do divorce much.
Holy Jesus that attorney sucks. SUCKS. Like, shouldn't be practicing law sucks. You don't tell someone contemplating their options that they should stay because he's seen worse. WHAT.
I'm glad you are seeking out a therapist. I think that will be your most critical point of contact in the next few months.
To be fair, the OP doesn't say anything about the attorney saying she should stay in the relationship. Just that the custody would end up close to joint, and that alimony would not keep up her financial standard of living. All of which may be true. My BFF who is a defense attorney has a talk he gives to clients that have unrealistic expectations. It begins with "I'm your lawyer, not your Fairy F***ing Godmother".
OP despite this I would at least find another attorney to get a second opinion, especially if this guy doesn't do divorce much.
He basically told me I need a therapist, not a lawyer. Once the therapist helps me work out my next steps, then consult him if the next step is divorce. And he does mainly divorce and custody work. I wanted to know my rights and responsibilities with regard to marital property and custody so I am prepared if my H immediately starts with "I want a divorce", because I "violated his privacy", once I confront him.
That attorney was a jackass for pulling this "I've seen worse" crap. I am sorry. He should have told you what your rights are with respect to alimony and custody and left out the commentary on your marriage.
That attorney was a jackass for pulling this "I've seen worse" crap. I am sorry. He should have told you what your rights are with respect to alimony and custody and left out the commentary on your marriage.
I agree. I'm sorry you had that experience.
I do think it's time to confront your husband. I can only imagine how hard it is but you can't keep on living this way. Good luck.