WWMMD in this situation? Re: sick Grandma

[sugarbear]

I'll try to be concise.

Grandma is 93, has early Alzheimers. Lives 3,000 miles away from me, in her home, with a young roommate who acts as her "advocate". Roommate has no medical training, but shuttles Gma to her appointments, etc., makes sure she is fed, and coordinates her in-home nursing care. I have a distant but loving relationship with her (in that, she knows I love her, but we have had nothing in common and few visits over the years. We used to speak on the phone monthly).

Aunt lives a few hours away from Gma (Gma is on Cape Cod, Aunt is in NYC, I'm in Seattle). Aunt has Parkinsons, uses / abuses painkillers, and seems to drink a lot. I have no relationship with my Aunt. She doesn't like me, not sure why. I spoke with her on the phone a few weeks ago and couldn't understand a word she was saying. She was slurring her words at 11am.

Gma's roommate has been in touch with me via FB and has been telling me that Aunt, who has Power of Attorney, is not paying the bills. Hasn't sent checks to the nurses in weeks, refuses to send $$ for groceries, electricity is about to be paid off. Yesterday she called me and asked me to call Gma's lawyer (I've already told her that I won't call Aunt because I won't get anywhere. She hates me and I can't understand her).

I will call the lawyer as soon as roommate sends me the phone number.

What questions do I ask the lawyer? Can I expect the lawyer to tell me anything (she knows me; we have spoken before)?

Can I expect the lawyer to go to Gma's house to check out the situation?

If it is as bad as roommate says, do I attempt to get PoA? My brother is the only other living relative and he doesn't speak to either one of them. Is this going to be difficult?

If I don't or can't get PoA, what other recourse is there?

I'm sick about this.

[jennistarr1]

any chance roommate is trying to gain power for her own gain?

[sugarbear]

Aug 23, 2012 11:59:24 GMT -5 jennistarr1 said:

any chance roommate is trying to gain power for her own gain?

I thought of that, and of course I have no way of knowing, but my gut feeling is that no, she isn't.

I, um, don't think she's that... competent.
(She is super nice and from what I can tell, takes really good care of my grandmother. I do not think she has any ulterior motives.)

[egeiger]

If PoA is failing their duties, I think a judge can revoke that right and assign someone else. If it were me, I would offer to do it since you care about your grandma's best interests.

[EmilieMadison]

I think your first step should be contacting a local social services agency near your grandma to do a check on her to verify the conditions.
Second, I would check out this roommate. Make sure they're on the up and up and not trying to gain anything from the situation (this is, unfortunately, a fairly common fraud committed against the elderly).
Then, yes, I would look into getting the POA transferred to you. If your aunt is unable or unwilling to continue to take care of your grandmother's needs, then this needs to be addressed ASAP.

[zarapipe]

Make sure you have statements in writing from the roomate and conversations you have had with your aunt.

[sugarbear]

This is great, thank you. I hadn't thought of calling social services myself (this all came to a head last night).

I'm assuming I can google "Falmouth, MA, social services" and find something?