I try not to make eye contact or engage them if I in any way feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Generally I don't give money but I will give food. I also prefer to give directly to the homeless programs or shelters. There is one guy near me, though, that I give money. He's a disabled vet and the nicest guy you will ever meet. I tried to give him food but it turns out that he can't eat since his cancer tore him up inside, and he can only drink Ensure, which is provided/or paid for by the government. I give him cash when I can.
Post by laptopvixen on Aug 23, 2012 17:05:05 GMT -5
Not making eye contact has little or nothing to do with their humanity or how I view them (which is certainly not as "less than human"), it's a survival tactic FOR ME.
Which perhaps makes me slightly inhuman, but I can live with that.
Post by basilosaurus on Aug 23, 2012 17:09:44 GMT -5
I've always lived in cities, and I still make eye contact and smile. I've learned to do that after working with people who talked to me about the dehumanizing aspect because, yeah, it's uncomfortable, and I always had felt vaguely threatened.
Since I started changing how I interact I've never had a problem walking away (probably b/c of living in a city and being really good at shutting down unwanted interaction
But, I don't give much. Where I live we have a huge homeless problem. Within a half mile walk of my place I can count about 20 regulars along the sidewalks and bus benches. Where would I even begin? I've given food, but I feel like I can't just pick and choose, and I can't give to everyone. It's just depressing.
This thread is really disheartening. I get not giving money, but to avoid eye contact? Would you avoid eye contact with anyone else on the street? Just because they're homeless doesn't mean they're not human.
I've volunteered with some orgs that work with homeless/formerly homeless, and pretty much universally they say the worst part was how dehumanized they felt, that people treated them as though they were invisible.
I completely agree. Fiance and I volunteer at a food pantry every Friday night and it really teaches you a lot about treating each and every person with respect and dignity.
Anyhow, I don't give out money on the street, but I will gladly hand my leftovers from a restaurant and/or offer to buy someone food.
I never give money because they'll most likely buy booze with it, but if there's a McDonald's or some fast food nearby I might buy them a burger depending on how they look... drunk and hopeless or truly trying.
Post by upupandaway on Aug 23, 2012 18:09:13 GMT -5
I don't see too much in the way of panhandlers in my city but I usually give money if I have it. A few weeks ago two pre-teen kids were looking for donations outside my local grocery store because their family's car broke down and they wanted to help with the repair bill. Maybe it was a scam, maybe not - I gave them $10.
If someone wants to take money I've given them and buy booze with it, I can't help that. Honestly, I'm not even sure that "bothers" me. I mean, yes, ideally you'd want someone to get themselves clean and sober and into a treatment facility etc. But since the homeless are usually battling mental health issues as well, who am I to get all self-righteous about how they spend the money I give them? The fact is, there just plain aren't enough services available to help everyone and most people on the streets IMO are just trying to get by as best they can.
No way. There is a guy that stands on the corner by my work with a sign that saying he needs money. I was leaving work and watched him pull up in a mini van newer than my car. He then changed his shirt, grabbed his sign and walked to his corner. And another guy that walks around with a gas can claiming he needs gas money, he was positivly ID'ed by a witness that watched him steal my car. So yea, I give no money.
Everyone has a story of a homeless person scamming them, please! Yes, there are some scammers but I highly doubt that most are. You don't have to give money and don't have to feel guilty. I give money once in a while and when I don't, I don't feel guilty. I don't really care what people do with the dollar I give them.
Uh, it's a scam if they say they need food but then are taking your money to buy booze, which continues to perpetuate their homelessness.
I also want to add that probably 75% of the time my offer to get them food from literally anywhere they would like within walking distance is turned down.
it's not a scam if I don't care if they buy drugs or alcohol. If I was homeless I'd want to be on a mind altering substance as well.
I try not to make eye contact because I've made that mistake too many times and then they won't leave me alone. I try to treat people the way I want to be treated, but I've had people asking for money follow me down the street just pushing and pushing for money. I've not felt unsafe, thankfully, but I've definitely felt uncomfortable saying no over and over again to the same person. I'd rather just avoid that.
I don't generally give money, though I have at times in the past. There are homeless people in my city, of course, but I mostly drive so thankfully don't encounter this a lot.
If I happen to have food on me, I have given it away.
Also, many people are homeless because they have problems with drugs or alcohol so you are really not helping them at all if you give them money to buy more.
Never. My sister is a heroin addict... I know the scams.
And never give gift cards to a restaurant/grocery store. Scammers turn around and sell them for less than face value. My sister used her food stamps to buy the most expensive things as possible at the grocery store. Then, instead of feeding her two young kids, she'd turn around and sell the food at a steep discount to her neighbors/friends. When she was evicted from her apartment, she only had expired milk, a couple expired yogurts, and two slices of american cheese in her entire kitchen. She had a 4 and 5 year old!
Post by Norticprincess on Aug 23, 2012 20:41:26 GMT -5
I won't give money. Will buy food. I have given restaurant leftovers when asked for them. If you are hungry enough to ask strangers for half eaten food you can have it. The last guy who did that BIL actually went upstairs at the hotel and brought the guy down two cups of coffee to go with it.
generally no. i work at a hostel/homeless shelter and know most of the people i see panhandling on a daily basis. i know their stories, i know their lies, i know they have food and shelter available.
also, i'm incredibly thankful that our hostel has a kennel. i love that we don't have to turn people away because they have a dog.
I live in a large city and there is a panhandler in every corner. I would go broke if I gave to them on a daily basis. I have bought food before and have no problem doing that.
Eta: I also hate it when I see panhandlers with kids asking for money to feed their kids. They sometimes get on the train or have them with them in the street corner during the middle of the day when these kids should be in school.
This thread is really disheartening. I get not giving money, but to avoid eye contact? Would you avoid eye contact with anyone else on the street?
Um, yeah. Does that make me anti-social? :-(
Really, though, I avoid eye contact with most homeless people, the Scientologists who want to give me a free stress test, and anyone with a clipboard. I'm really shy and hate talking to strangers.
Trying for #3; FET 8/18 -- BFN. Leaving things up to chance for now... After three years, three IVFs, and two FETs, we finally have our miracle babIES!
I'm bitter about the homeless who have dogs ever since my friend's dog was stolen by a homeless man here :-( luckily they got him back. But I worry that the other ones I see were stolen too .
I almost always acknowledge. I say sorry, but have a nice day. I've done volunteer work at shelters here and I know the dehumanizing aspect. I never give cash, but I'll sometimes give or offer to buy food or coffee, and DH gave a guy a beer once .
Uh, it's a scam if they say they need food but then are taking your money to buy booze, which continues to perpetuate their homelessness.
I also want to add that probably 75% of the time my offer to get them food from literally anywhere they would like within walking distance is turned down.
it's not a scam if I don't care if they buy drugs or alcohol. If I was homeless I'd want to be on a mind altering substance as well.
Except that drugs and alcohol also can make people violent and a danger to others.
If I gave at least 80% of the time, I'd probably need to be begging myself. I see a ton of beggars every day.
Also, I don't know how I could give money to someone without whipping out my wallet. That's where I keep my money.
Yeah, I feel the same way. There are a couple of rotating dudes who hang out by the CVS near my office, and, occasionally, I will give them whatever change I get in coins on my way out the door. But that's about it. I'd be broke if I gave to all of them. But I usually mumble a "sorry, not today" when they ask, and not just avoid them completely.
Post by thatgirl2478 on Aug 24, 2012 8:22:13 GMT -5
My DH is a social worker, and used to work in Chicago. He would give them a card with the addresses of various assistance locations (housing, food, etc) instead of cash. He also used to carry a few CTA passes on him so that they could take the train or bus to the locations. They never had more than 1 or 2 rides on them, and you can't redeem them for cash, so he never felt that he was enabling their self medication. (A VERY high percentage of the homeless population are homeless because of mental illness, and they are addicted to drugs / alcohol because they are self medicating to treat / block out/ ignore that mental illness).
Occasionally, he's been known to take them to the nearest restaurant and buy them food, but they rarely accept it.