I just got an email about an activity they are incorporating into Friday's schedule. Her class is 2.5-3.5 yo. A new student's mom asked that they include some activities for the day. Painting masks, sounds cool. But there is an offering part I'm uncomfortable with. They are asking for pictures of departed loved ones, along with favorite foods and objects of the departed.
Now I love this school and part of the reason we chose it is the diversity. But my child doesn't know what death is and she doesn't know of any dead relatives. I'm not quite ready to explain the her grandfather (my dad) and whoever else, are missing. Along with the questions that come with that. I'm an atheist so I don't have an heaven to make death sound not so bad. I hope that doesn't sound insensitive. I'm not even opposed to the religious aspects of the day or that being shared with the class, but the death aspect is really bothering me.
Am I crazy, or is this inappropriate for this age group? Do I just not send in pictures and hope that most of it goes over her head?
Is a very large percentage of her class celebrating Day of the Dead with their families? I wonder if the school was trying to pre-empt the multiple questions that could arise from Paloma talking about how they're honoring her abuelita by doing x, y and z.
But if this is just for diversity's sake? Definitely weird.
Nope, I wouldn't participate. My 3 year old knows my mom is in heaven, but that doesn't mean she understands death and I don't think preschool is the place to talk about it. No thanks.
Hmmm. I personally don't have a problem with it, but we're very open about death and and it hasn't been a particularly negative discussion in our house. I'm sure if our experience was different that I'd be more concerned about it.
The only time death has come up was when I was trying to explain why we don't step on snails on the sidewalk. She really didn't get it that they would die and be gone. Otherwise it hasn't come up, fortunately.
It's hard when others want to introduce something to my kids before I'm really ready for them to learn about it. They're not ridiculously sheltered, but I do like to let them hold on to their innocence for as long as I reasonably can. (They're 2 & almost 5.)
I don't think it's inappropriate in a classroom with children whose families celebrate it, as it is a cultural practice. (My answer would be different if there were no families who did Day of the Dead stuff at home & it was simply a learning experience for the kids.)
At her age, I'd probably just keep her home, if possible, and do something else fun that day. If she was much older, she'd know what she was missing at school, and I'd just prepare myself for some hard discussions at home.
Post by karinothing on Oct 26, 2015 19:40:25 GMT -5
I had similar feelings when DS'S class did a breast cancer awareness day last week, but I figured some kids have lost family so I just kept my.mouth shut.
Oddly I feel different about day of the dead, but I lost my mom and DS1 and I have talked about it before
Post by bunnymendelbaum on Oct 26, 2015 19:54:36 GMT -5
I think it is a bit odd to do in a preschool. Is it a religious school at all?
I will say, I've been talking to my girls about Day of the Dead. We were both raised Catholic and lived in Tucson for a while. We have some figures and masks in our house year-round. Also, my girls have sadly had to deal with family deaths already, so it's been nice explain this as a practice of remembering and honoring.
It's hard when others want to introduce something to my kids before I'm really ready for them to learn about it. They're not ridiculously sheltered, but I do like to let them hold on to their innocence for as long as I reasonably can. (They're 2 & almost 5.)
I don't think it's inappropriate in a classroom with children whose families celebrate it, as it is a cultural practice. (My answer would be different if there were no families who did Day of the Dead stuff at home & it was simply a learning experience for the kids.)
At her age, I'd probably just keep her home, if possible, and do something else fun that day. If she was much older, she'd know what she was missing at school, and I'd just prepare myself for some hard discussions at home.
Yeah, this is kinda the one thing that I don't mind keeping from her a little longer. If I were to explain to her that my daddy died, she would be upset by it. I would keep her home but the Halloween parade is Friday as well and she is excited for that. I think I just won't send pictures and will let her teacher know ahead of time.
The school is Spanish immersion and there are a lot of Spanish speaking families, but not more than 1 or 2 in her individual class on any given day. And it's not religious based.
Hmmm. I personally don't have a problem with it, but we're very open about death and and it hasn't been a particularly negative discussion in our house. I'm sure if our experience was different that I'd be more concerned about it.
It sounds like you have a good plan. The conversation about your dad will come up, likely sooner rather than later, but I wouldn't bring it up right before they talk about it at school. I'm guessing they're going to be talking more about the people who have passed away and less about the actual passing/death itself. I think all tough discussions are much easier if they are child-led...she may come home & ask questions, and that would be a good time to introduce the topic as it affects your family.
We've talked about death with DS1, but it was when it naturally occurred in our family.
Thank you, everyone, for your input. I know that losing my dad as a child has always left me with a increased fear of losing the people I love, and that might be coloring my initial response. I just don't want DD having those thoughts unnecessarily. I think if we don't make it personal she'll be fine.
I'm not comfortable with this, but I have absolutely no idea how to put into words why I'm not comfortable. I think it does have something to do with being an atheist and not believing in heaven or an afterlife? Maybe?
That's not really helpful.
I'm here I also am ignorant to this day. If it's at all related to Halloween ( in reality or at the preschool) then I would be worried my kid would wake up scared of masked spirits. Again, no idea on what this day means. I grew up in church but now I hate it. But I am going to try to be open with my child and let her decide for herself.
Well a hundred of million people around the world celebrate the Day of the Dead, including their children, without issue. So in that sense I'm cool with my kids learning about it. I'm not religious though so I get a bit annoyed about religious stuff in school.
I'm not comfortable with this, but I have absolutely no idea how to put into words why I'm not comfortable. I think it does have something to do with being an atheist and not believing in heaven or an afterlife? Maybe?
That's not really helpful.
See, the religion part is easily dismissible for me, but again, not having an explanation beyond death itself makes it a bit harder to explain. There is no happy ending, so to speak.
I think in your shoes I would not send in photos or artifacts since she doesn't know anyone who died but let her still participate. Also I would want to know from the teacher exactly what will be said about death so that you can prepare or object. Maybe they won't explain that part much at all and just turn it more into a "let's remember our ... family" thing without dwelling on the "dead" part of it.
I would not be comfortable with bringing in pics of deceased loved ones and doing an offering. I would be fine with DD learning about it on a less personal level.
That said, the fact that it's a Spanish Immersion program changes things for me. A common part of dual language programs is cultural education and this falls squarely in that category. I would expect that she'd be learning about common cultural celebrations so it would seem less out of left field than it would at my dd's preschool.