I also think the teacher thing is because most teachers do it because they love it. When you love what you do it makes a big difference in other areas.
I absolutely loved my old job. Loved. And I was good at it. But I would have a super crappy work/life balance. It's so easy to end up putting in 10+ hour days. You're kind of in this bubble where you forget there's a whole outside world. DH and I have both said many times that if I had stayed we wouldn't have had kids.
Yea, I loved my job and I think I was good, too, it just wasn't good for me while having kids. Too much creep. Not enough balance.
Yes, dizzy, the mental checklist is exhausting. You don't even consciously do it - it's just constantly running. I am on autopilot so much but it sucks brain power! Dh probably does do close to 50/50 when home, but since I'm always here it's hard to switch off the checklist - that stuff he doesn't have to do it worry about because he's at work - appointments, groceries, activities.
These weren't my motivations to SAH going into it but now that I do (minus a few hours at pt jobs) I see that me working would have meant more stress to our lives.
I realized this when I was job searching this year and was offered a 25 hour a week night job. The money I would have earned would not have been worth it to me in exchange for missing half of bedtimes, the increased groceries/restaurant bills from DH handling dinner, paying a babysitter to cover a two hour gap, etc. But it was a job not a calling. The logistics were exhausting and I had a moment of clarity about the privilege of peace and calm I have from SAH, which is hilarious since I feel I'm always frazzled and yelling.
DH's job is long hours with non-traditional days off. Certain careers basically necessitate a spouse to carry a burden unless you're a single person. My husband couldn't be as good at his job or advancing like he is if I wasn't behind the scenes. It really screws over partnered women who want to advance in those careers unless that have a spouse interested in fully running a household.
I was raised by a single mom who worked a ton. I never resented that. I was glad to be fed after all. I never felt I had less of a mom than anyone else. We did have a very hectic house full of chaos I would not choose for myself and I'm sure that contributed to me seeking out a calmer paced life.
I don't know how to get out of the box. Wanted to note that I think the above is a great point. One partner's career may mean that the other carries much of the home burden, OR, you have to pay everyone else to do things for you and have ridiculous amounts of paid child care in action every week. With DH being a farmer (owning his business) and working very long hours plus weekends for much of the year, and having very little flexibility at some times, it's so much easier for us to have me at home. I was constantly juggling child care plans, appointments, everything while he steamed along at work. That's where I felt like we were going and I just didn't like that for my family.
ALSO, on the point of the husbands thinking that they do 50/50. OMG, so funny. I am sure that my DH has NO IDEA of the time/effort/energy it takes to do all the planning, scheduling, school forms, costume procurement, holiday outfit planning, photo and haircut appointments, birthday gifts, thank you notes, etc.