@ MIL cut DS's bangs without permission

[picksthemusic]

I'm trying not to be pissed. M/FIL are watching the kids for us/staying with us for a few days and while I was putting DS to bed, I noticed his once long bangs (because I've been too attached to his baby-ness to cut his hair yet) were cut shorter. I hadn't been asked permission, nor has she said anything since we got home. It's not that his hair was cut that upsets me (it needed to be done), it was that she didn't ask me or at least let me know so I could have a say.

Am I right to be pissed or should I let this go? They are here through Friday.

[zelda25]

I don't even have kids and I'm pissed for you. Totally out of line.

Sent from my SPH-L720T using proboards

[rosiebear]

I'd be super pissed. Cutting someone else's child's hair? Oh hell no.

[rosiebear]

Oh, and thIs was his FIRST haircut?

Oh fuck no.

[heyjude]

Piiiiiiiiiiiised!!!

[ttt]

You are right to be pissed!

My MIL cut SST's hair when she was 2. And when I say cut, I mean she cut it ALL off. It was shoulder length and when we came to pick her up the next morning, it was cropped like a boy's. I was livid. Bonus: it was Mother's Day. Then I had to sit through brunch with her and be polite. I don't think I said three words the entire time. It took about 2-3 years for it to grow all the way back.

I have since forgiven her but I do not trust her not to pull that shit again. Fortunately, she lives far enough away and is old, so she doesn't have enough time alone with the kids to be able to do something like that again. 

[LadySusan]

Your MIL ought to have talked to you first. That's poor boundaries on her part. I would wait until you become not-pissed and then say something. I am assuming that you have a generally good relationship and this is just a slip on her part.

I might wait until kids are in bed or away and say, "Hey MIL, did you cut Junior's hair? I wish that you would have asked me first. I really wanted to be there/take some pictures/save a lock for the baby book for his first haircut. Could you please ask next time?"

[redheadk]

I would be extremely angry. It is absolutely NOT okay to cut a child's hair without permission from the parents, particularly if it's a first haircut.

[redheadk]

Nov 4, 2015 22:56:51 GMT -5 LadySusan said:

Your MIL ought to have talked to you first. That's poor boundaries on her part. I would wait until you become not-pissed and then say something. I am assuming that you have a generally good relationship and this is just a slip on her part.

I might wait until kids are in bed or away and say, "Hey MIL, did you cut Junior's hair? I wish that you would have asked me first. I really wanted to be there/take some pictures/save a lock for the baby book for his first haircut. Could you please ask next time?"

Do not give her permission to do this again. 

[rosiebear]

Nov 4, 2015 22:56:51 GMT -5 LadySusan said:

Your MIL ought to have talked to you first. That's poor boundaries on her part. I would wait until you become not-pissed and then say something. I am assuming that you have a generally good relationship and this is just a slip on her part.

I might wait until kids are in bed or away and say, "Hey MIL, did you cut Junior's hair? I wish that you would have asked me first. I really wanted to be there/take some pictures/save a lock for the baby book for his first haircut. Could you please ask next time?"

See, I'd head in fuming mad. There is no "next time" for your baby's first haircut. MIL would be on my list for a long, long time for this.

[LadySusan]

I'd aim for, "Disappointed in you." Guilt level: Expert.

[speckledfrog]

Burn it down. In one of those calm/angry ways. How dare she alter your child without your permission. Overstepping hag.

[kirra]

No kids, and I'd be pissed.

It's not ok for someone to cut my hair without permission, and it's equally not ok to cut a child's hair without his or her parent's or guardian's permission.

First haircut adds insult to injury.

[orangeblossom]

Pissed. No way, I'd let this go.

[mrsukyankee]

This is where you get a chance to really shut down those boundaries which your MIL clearly does not have. Get your H on board with this as well - it should come from BOTH OF YOU, not just you.

[cookiemdough]

Yeah I would be mad

[omgzombies]

Team Pissed. And your H should be pissed on your behalf. He should be the one to deal with your crazy MIL and tell her in no uncertain terms that it will not be tolerated. If he does not, your problem lies with your H as well as your MIL. This isn't a fight you need to have, this is his fight.

[Deleted]

I'd be mad. It's not the haircut, it's the idea that she thought that would be okay. And DH would be on my side.

[redheadbaker]

I'd be PISSED. Not MIL's kid, not her call to make.

[sfy]

I'd actually probably be pretty breezy about this. It's hair, it grows back, I'd have a hard time going ballistic over it. I'd probably be more bothered because my MIL is borderline BEC status with me than about the actual hair.

That said, I do think it's something about which most people would be pissed (see every single post before mine lol) and the thing that would annoy me most is that it speaks to the lack of boundaries. My sweet baby nephew is the closest baby relative to me, but there's no way I would ever think I could cut his hair without getting the okay from my sis and my BIL. I just can't imagine picking up scissors and thinking I have a right to cut his hair. The fact that your MIL didn't think this way would concern me about other things and that's why I would have a conversation about it. More laying down the law than venting.

I hope I'm not this kind of grandmother, but I put nothing past myself, especially my older self lol.

[RandZB]

DH and I would both be at rage blackout level of anger. Not okay.

[moolarkey]

Nov 4, 2015 22:56:51 GMT -5 LadySusan said:

Your MIL ought to have talked to you first. That's poor boundaries on her part. I would wait until you become not-pissed and then say something. I am assuming that you have a generally good relationship and this is just a slip on her part.

I might wait until kids are in bed or away and say, "Hey MIL, did you cut Junior's hair? I wish that you would have asked me first. I really wanted to be there/take some pictures/save a lock for the baby book for his first haircut. Could you please ask next time?"

I disagredd with "..please ask next time."  I would tell her in a clear statement. DO NOT CUT MY CHILD/CHILDREN'S HAIR AGAIN.   It is not her place and there shouldn't be any need for her to ask, she just isn't allowed to do it.

[Skyesthelimit1212]

I was pissed when H cut DD's bangs without telling me, she looked like freaking Ramona. I can not even begin to imagine the rage I'd feel if ML cut her hair w/out even asking if I was THINKING about cutting her hair, nope just NOPE. I agree w/the all the above, say something when you are less angry, and tell her you are not happy she took it upon herself to cut ds hair, you understand that she probably didn't like to see his hair in his eyes, but cutting his hair was your decision to make.

[picksthemusic]

Thanks everyone. I told DH since it seems he didn't even notice. It was a really tiny trim and I'm guessing she was hoping I wouldn't notice since she didn't say a word while we were hanging out after the kids went to bed. There are boundary issues for sure in this side of the family, so it's an ongoing thing. There will be words tonight.

[AJL]

It's not the hair I'd be angry about, it's the audacity of my MIL for thinking she could do that without talking to me first that would send me through the roof. So yeah, I'd be fucking fuming.

[ECB]

Nov 5, 2015 8:12:52 GMT -5 sfy said:

I'd actually probably be pretty breezy about this. It's hair, it grows back, I'd have a hard time going ballistic over it. I'd probably be more bothered because my MIL is borderline BEC status with me than about the actual hair.

That said, I do think it's something about which most people would be pissed (see every single post before mine lol) and the thing that would annoy me most is that it speaks to the lack of boundaries. My sweet baby nephew is the closest baby relative to me, but there's no way I would ever think I could cut his hair without getting the okay from my sis and my BIL. I just can't imagine picking up scissors and thinking I have a right to cut his hair. The fact that your MIL didn't think this way would concern me about other things and that's why I would have a conversation about it. More laying down the law than venting.

I hope I'm not this kind of grandmother, but I put nothing past myself, especially my older self lol.

I'm here with you.  The hair itself... eh, I just can't get it up for the actual cutting of the hair.  The "right" person doing it wouldn't drive me to rage.

BUT if there are definite boundary issues already (and it sounds like there are) and this is yet another sign of that - yes, I'd be PISSED. 

[frkls]

i'd be annoyed if it was between regular haircuts, but her FIRST haircut!??! omg.

[laurenpetro]

Nov 4, 2015 23:14:02 GMT -5 LadySusan said:

I'd aim for, "Disappointed in you." Guilt level: Expert.

you are good.

and i agree with all of the previous posters.  that shit is just wrong.

[downtoearth]

Nov 5, 2015 8:12:52 GMT -5 sfy said:

I'd actually probably be pretty breezy about this. It's hair, it grows back, I'd have a hard time going ballistic over it. I'd probably be more bothered because my MIL is borderline BEC status with me than about the actual hair.

That said, I do think it's something about which most people would be pissed (see every single post before mine lol) and the thing that would annoy me most is that it speaks to the lack of boundaries. My sweet baby nephew is the closest baby relative to me, but there's no way I would ever think I could cut his hair without getting the okay from my sis and my BIL. I just can't imagine picking up scissors and thinking I have a right to cut his hair. The fact that your MIL didn't think this way would concern me about other things and that's why I would have a conversation about it. More laying down the law than venting.

I hope I'm not this kind of grandmother, but I put nothing past myself, especially my older self lol.

I'm here. If she's not a normally sneaky, vindictive person, I would be upset and sad, but I wouldn't lose it on her. I would definitely tell her it bothered me b/c it was something I wanted to be part of, but luckily it was just the bangs this time.

[StrawberryBlondie]

Definitely out of line.