How do you handle toddlers getting up at night?

[Deleted]

My kids are killing me! DD is an awful sleeper and wakes up at 5am. Now DS, who is almost 4 yo, is waking up at midnight and staying up for HOURS. He'll call, then be quiet for 20-30mins, but then call again. Last night he kept it up from midnight until 5am!! Just when I think he must be asleep, he shouts again. It's exhausting.

What do you do when your toddler wakes up a lot at night? I need some new strategies. TIA!

[momin2013]

Umm...when DS calls for me in the night (which he does 95% of the time), I go lay in his bed with him, and usually stay there until morning.

#probablynotahelpfulidea

[quesyrah]

DS is still a crappy sleeper at almost 6 so I'm not one to be giving advice.

Thank goodness for DD. My sanity needs her.

[quesyrah]

Hit post too soon.

Do you think he's ready for a later bedtime?

[lala]

What do you do when you go in? Could he turn a light on and read? Listen to book on cd?

[rosesandpetals]

I can tell you what not to do. Don't let him get up and watch tv. I did that with dd and she would lay with me and we would both tall asleep. But it became a habit and the tv just reinforced it. It was stupid to start but I was exhausted and desperate.

Do you have an okay to wake clock? A projector?

[Deleted]

I have an OK to wake clock that turns green when it's wakeup time in the morning. But now he's waking in the middle of the night and talking. So far I go in, don't talk much, tuck him back in, tell him it's nighttime and everyone is sleeping, and leave. Rinse, repeat. I try to be as boring as possible. If I try to ignore him, he winds up to a yell and wakes DD.

quesyrah - that's a good point, maybe I need to push his bedtime back? Right now he exhausted by 7pm, but that's probably because he's up during the night. Maybe I'll start inching it back and see if that helps!

Oh also - I posted a while back about his preschool talking about ghosts and witches etc all October. He's been having nightmares and talking about ghosts a LOT. That might play into it too. Thankfully now we can move on to happy Christmas stuff!

[lala]

Do you have noise machines or anything? If he isn't actually post-nightmare, I really think he has to figure it out, even if that means yelling.

What time does he wake up? I wouldn't think it's a matter of he's not tired enough.

[jag01]

Argh. I'm in the same boat. I made the mistake of letting DD turn on the TV so I could get another half hour of sleep. Big mistake. Now I have to break that habit.

[lattelady5]

Nov 8, 2015 14:54:21 GMT -5 momin2013 said:

Umm...when DS calls for me in the night (which he does 95% of the time), I go lay in his bed with him, and usually stay there until morning.

#probablynotahelpfulidea

This. DD wakes up a few times a week these days.

If DH wakes up he goes in fast and gives her a drink and she goes back to sleep. He sleeps like a rock though so it's usually just easier for me to go in than to try to wake him up. DD is all "but mom, I neeeeeeed you. I scared...Yada yada" so I stay for a few minutes and fall asleep. Sometimes I just put her in my bed. It's bigger. I don't love it but I need sleep. The cat also likes meowing loudly like an asset at 3/4 am or so and I sometimes wakeup in dd's bed and make it back to my bed to sleep until 6.

[cjcouple]

Is it recurring or just happened for a night or 2?

¡ second white noisE to try too.

[expectantsteelerfan]

What does he want when he calls for you?

I am no-nonsense when it comes to not being woken in the middle of the night. But it depends on what they want. If they are scared and want you to comfort them, we talk during the day about what they are afraid of and ways for them to help themselves feel better.

But the important thing is that when they call, I go in, help with whatever they need, and then firmly say that it is bedtime and bedtime is for sleeping, and we all need sleep, and that no matter what I won't come in again. And then, like how you might need to CIO with a baby, you don't go in again, and they will learn that night time is for sleeping.

This is why I'm such a big fan of CIO if your child needs it. Kids need to be taught how to sleep at night IMO, and if you don't do it when they are young you are just prolonging the inevitable and setting them up for years of sleep problems. I get that some kids don't need it, but mine both sure did.

ETA, obvious exception would be if they are sick, and my kids know that!

[Deleted]

Yeah...we're pretty no nonsense bedtime people too. What do you need? Fix it and move on. If they are awake and just talking or something, so be it.

He's not still napping right??

I would definitely think his sleep schedule just needs adjusted some...no nap, early bedtime, later bedtime...something like that.

You could also talk to him during the day like "remember how you were awake last night? What did you do? Did you need something? How can we help you get a good nights sleep?" Things like that. It might be as simple as a nightlight/noise machine/having to go potty...something like that.

But we don't ever stay up, sleep with or indulge people wkling in the MOTN...just deal and go back to bed (bad dreams and sickness excluded of course) good luck!

[Deleted]

Nov 8, 2015 19:33:05 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

What does he want when he calls for you?

I am no-nonsense when it comes to not being woken in the middle of the night. But it depends on what they want. If they are scared and want you to comfort them, we talk during the day about what they are afraid of and ways for them to help themselves feel better.

But the important thing is that when they call, I go in, help with whatever they need, and then firmly say that it is bedtime and bedtime is for sleeping, and we all need sleep, and that no matter what I won't come in again. And then, like how you might need to CIO with a baby, you don't go in again, and they will learn that night time is for sleeping.

This is why I'm such a big fan of CIO if your child needs it. Kids need to be taught how to sleep at night IMO, and if you don't do it when they are young you are just prolonging the inevitable and setting them up for years of sleep problems. I get that some kids don't need it, but mine both sure did.

ETA, obvious exception would be if they are sick, and my kids know that!

I'm definitely not a softie at night, either! I talk to him firmly and he knows I'm not pleased. I did CIO with him when he was 12months. Here's a sample discussion from last night:
DS: Help!
Me: DS, stop calling. Everyone's sleeping. Go back to sleep.
DS: Beep Boop (robot noises)
Me: It's nighttime. Go to sleep. I don't want to hear any more calling.
DS: Okay mama.

He doesn't say he had a nightmare or anything. One time he was singing the Paw Patrol theme song. (I ignored that one). 

I think what you and lala said makes sense - if he's not scared I need to let him yell. It's just so hard to do because we're also doing some CIO with DD, who wakes at 5am! Double whammy. I guess I might as well suck it up and let them both cry, have an awful week and hopefully get it out of the way!

[Deleted]

@sing4mysavior - no, he doesn't nap. I think he may be ready for a later bedtime, too. He used to go in at 8pm, but when he dropped his nap a year ago, I started putting him to bed at 7. He wakes up around 6 or 6:30am. I guess it's time to put him in bed at 8 again! 8pm to 6am just doesn't sound like much sleep to me, but if it meant a quiet night, I'll do it!

[Deleted]

Nov 8, 2015 16:40:24 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

Bribes? When things get bad I give out mini marshmallows to get behavior back on track. It usually works.

I'm guilty of this too! Mostly for a potty regression, but I can tack on the sleep regression too. Marshmallows for everyone! My 20-month-old DD can say "marsh"... (hangs head in shame)

[L From The D]

If this is a recent development, it could be a result of the time change or a growth spurt. I'd keep doing what you are doing for a few more days and see if it sorts itself out (before trying other options).

[dizzycooks]

I just want to thank you for posting this. My dd1 gets up between 4 and 6am daily. 6 I can handle most days since M-F she has to be up then anyway, but anything before that is just not ok. Today it was 4am. Her bed was wet so we changed and I tucked her back in and left. 5am, she's cold. I gave her a blanket and left. 5:30 she's in the living room, lights on reading a magazine. For real. I took her back to her room and shut the door and she screamed and kicked until 6am when I went in and told her it was now time to start the day. Dd2 slept through all of it for the most part. I, on the other hand, am exhausted.

[nicolewi]

Reward chart of some sort? I.e. if you can go five nights (not necessarily consecutive--they just get a sticker/smiley face/whatever for each night that goes well; nothing if it doesn't) without me needing to come in here (or whatever), then you earn X.

My kids were scared at that age, but that doesn't seem to be your issue. FWIW, I have had good luck with pretend "monster spray," even though they KNOW logically that monsters are not real.

[Deleted]

Nov 9, 2015 8:47:25 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

I just want to thank you for posting this. My dd1 gets up between 4 and 6am daily. 6 I can handle most days since M-F she has to be up then anyway, but anything before that is just not ok. Today it was 4am. Her bed was wet so we changed and I tucked her back in and left. 5am, she's cold. I gave her a blanket and left. 5:30 she's in the living room, lights on reading a magazine. For real. I took her back to her room and shut the door and she screamed and kicked until 6am when I went in and told her it was now time to start the day. Dd2 slept through all of it for the most part. I, on the other hand, am exhausted.

Ugh, sorry to hear that. I dream of the day when I wake up and feel refreshed. Hope there's some good sleep coming your way.

[expectantsteelerfan]

If he's just yelling, I would let him know during the day (and then go in once and tell him at night if need be) that he is disrupting everyone else's sleep and that if he is awake and wants to make noises, it needs to be quiet, and if he keeps doing it I'd give a consequence.

I'm also a big fan of white noise (both my kids have it so they don't usually wake each other), and dh even uses it when he works nights and has to sleep during the day. Mine also STILL (at 4 and 6) have the glowing seahorse thing in their beds and they turn that on and look at it/listen to it to help them fall asleep. Ds now also has a clock radio, so he often puts the sleep timer on that instead now, but I think he still uses his seahorse occasionally.

[expectantsteelerfan]

Oh and for those with early wakers, you might want to try the OK to Wake clock. It didn't work for my ds at all because he would mess with it and end up changing the settings (no matter where I put it in his room). Putting a clock radio in there and telling him he couldn't get up till 6 worked a bit though.

But the Ok to Wake clock worked magically for dd. The only time she ever gets up before it is green now is if she hears ds get up (which is usually like 5/10 minutes before it would turn green) to go to the bathroom and then she goes and plays with him till it's green.