my jerry springer worthy story

[lurkerinapickle]

First off, I know you'll call MUD, but I couldn't make this up if I tried. I've lurked long enough to know that's the first thing you'll think! I've never posted much since I've never been married or had kids. But now I need some support. Advice... People to agree with me that this is completely ridiculous...

So a guy friend of mine separated from his wife in early spring. She had cheated on him and was pregnant. He and I started hanging out more, but not dating. No sex, just companionship.

Months went by and we grew closer and closer. I've known his 5 year old daughter since birth, so the three of us had a great time together. He asked a few times about being a true couple, but I refused until the divorce is final.

Last month we went on a camping trip and my willpower crumbled. Too many beers around the campfire, snuggling up to keep warm... excuses excuses. It was a mistake.

It just so happened that said camping trip fell a couple days after my first ever depo shot. I've been on the bcp for years, but I'm forgetful about them, and since his divorce/our potential coupledom is on the horizon, I had decided to up the ante.

Now the shot isn't effective for 5 days. I got it on 10/22, complete with a blood test. I took a plan b pill on 10/26 the moment we got back into town.

And yesterday I got a positive pregnancy test.

His ex is due any day. I seriously cannot believe my life right now. I told him I was planning on testing, but I didn't say when. I'm terrified to tell him.

I know we have options and I'm seriously considering some of the more grim ones. I have no idea how he'll feel about that. Which is why I can't tell anyone irl... I live in an extremely conservative area and don't have many friends who would stay with me through this.

How I made it through 15+ years of sex while being forgetful on the pill and never get pregnant, and then get knocked up with the shot AND plan b, I'll never understand.

Help a lurker out, married life how do I tell him? Do we try and parent together... in secret? Lie about the baby's due date/ birth date? I wouldn't be able to be public about it at all unless I lied about who the father is. Oh it's all so screwed up!

[sequins]

Wow. Do you want to have the kid? (forget about your conservative area)

[jellymankelly]

Assuming this is all exactly as you say...Why would you have to parent together in secret or lie about who the father is? They're in the process of divorcing, and she's having someone else's baby. That part is tripping me up a little.

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 17:53:38 GMT -5 jellymankelly said:

Assuming this is all exactly as you say...Why would you have to parent together in secret or lie about who the father is? They're in the process of divorcing, and she's having someone else's baby. That part is tripping me up a little.

The baby is probably his. They're planning on doing a paternity test as soon as it's born. Once paternity is determined, they can file for divorce. But with 2 kids and disagreeing parents, the process could take months.

Until it's final, being with me would be adultery. I assume having his name on my kids birth certificate, born before or just after the divorce is final, would be a dead giveaway.

[BaliHai]

Why would you lie or be secretive? If you want the baby, have the baby and raise it together. He is divorced.

And I'd just tell him matter-of-factly, just rip the Band-Aid off. That's usually the best way for me to handle things when I'm anxious, even though it feels like it will be the worst way.

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 17:52:19 GMT -5 sequins said:

Wow. Do you want to have the kid? (forget about your conservative area)

I don't know. I've always wanted kids, but not in this situation. Ideally we would have been married and happily ttc. This is the exact opposite - he's still married to someone else, and I was expressly trying NOT to get pg.

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 17:58:13 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I, Orphan said:

YOU MADE IT SOUND LIKE SHE WAS PREGNANT AS A RESULT OF CHEATING.

TAKE A STORY TELLING CLASS AND COME BACK.

Dammit I thought I was doing a good job. They had a normal marriage prior to the cheating. She was sleeping with both guys at the same time, no birth contol. She swears it's her husband's, but... anyone would swear that, if they didn't want a paternity test done.

[BaliHai]

Nov 11, 2015 17:56:46 GMT -5 lurkerinapickle said:

The baby is probably his. They're planning on doing a paternity test as soon as it's born. Once paternity is determined, they can file for divorce. But with 2 kids and disagreeing parents, the process could take months.

Until it's final, being with me would be adultery. I assume having his name on my kids birth certificate, born before or just after the divorce is final, would be a dead giveaway.

Is this your concern, or just what people will think? If it's the former, well... it's kind of too late for this to be a concern, yes? And if it's the latter, who cares? People will talk no matter what.

Either way he is divorcing her, right?

[captainobvious]

Are you sure it's his?

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 17:58:35 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Is his Ex's baby his baby? Or the other man's?

What did he say when you told him you were testing?

Do you even want a baby now?

And yes, I think this is MUD, but I'm biting.

1. We don't know until the paternity test.

2. He agreed with me that he also hoped the shot/plan b combo had worked, but told me not to stress too much about it (I'm prone to anxiety) because he knows we'll be happy no matter the outcome.

3. No, I don't WANT a baby now. But I'm trying to decide what to do with the one that has shown up uninvited.

[sequins]

Nov 11, 2015 17:56:46 GMT -5 lurkerinapickle said:

Nov 11, 2015 17:53:38 GMT -5 jellymankelly said:

Assuming this is all exactly as you say...Why would you have to parent together in secret or lie about who the father is? They're in the process of divorcing, and she's having someone else's baby. That part is tripping me up a little.

The baby is probably his. They're planning on doing a paternity test as soon as it's born. Once paternity is determined, they can file for divorce. But with 2 kids and disagreeing parents, the process could take months.

Until it's final, being with me would be adultery. I assume having his name on my kids birth certificate, born before or just after the divorce is final, would be a dead giveaway.

Why are they waiting for a paternity test to file? They might reconcile if the baby is his?

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 18:02:08 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

He still lives with her, doesn't he. You've been banging a married man with a pregnant wife, and now here you are.

Absolutely not. She lives 2 hours away with her parents. They refer to each other as Exes. The separation is public and they're divorcing asap.

We had sex once. I've gone on dates with a couple other guys in the past few months but they don't fit the timeline.

[cherryvalance]

The intro disclaimer reminded me of the Seinfeld episode where George is wearing the Gortex coat and Kramer reads the Penthouse letter.

[shoeless]

I'd figure out what you want. If you had to parent alone, would you still continue the pregnancy? If he wants to be involved with the child but not as a significant other to you, would you still continue the pregnancy? I'm kind of lost as to why his "cheating" would be that big of a deal since they were already planning to divorce?

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 18:03:52 GMT -5 sequins said:

Nov 11, 2015 17:56:46 GMT -5 lurkerinapickle said:

The baby is probably his. They're planning on doing a paternity test as soon as it's born. Once paternity is determined, they can file for divorce. But with 2 kids and disagreeing parents, the process could take months.

Until it's final, being with me would be adultery. I assume having his name on my kids birth certificate, born before or just after the divorce is final, would be a dead giveaway.

Why are they waiting for a paternity test to file? They might reconcile if the baby is his?

They have to determine paternity before they know how many kids to put down in the divorce? He's not going to pay child support if it isn't his.

He is determined to divorce her and I believe him. I'm not scared of them reconciling.

[Deleted]

Nov 11, 2015 17:56:46 GMT -5 lurkerinapickle said:

Nov 11, 2015 17:53:38 GMT -5 jellymankelly said:

Assuming this is all exactly as you say...Why would you have to parent together in secret or lie about who the father is? They're in the process of divorcing, and she's having someone else's baby. That part is tripping me up a little.

The baby is probably his. They're planning on doing a paternity test as soon as it's born. Once paternity is determined, they can file for divorce. But with 2 kids and disagreeing parents, the process could take months.

Until it's final, being with me would be adultery. I assume having his name on my kids birth certificate, born before or just after the divorce is final, would be a dead giveaway.

The way you phrased this baffles me. Do you live in a state where a no-fault divorce isn't possible?

Also, "being with me WOULD be adultry..." Uh... That horse is out of the barn honey.

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 18:06:46 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I, Orphan said:

You should have done it in the butt.

Truer words have never been spoken.

[elleblue]

So you have a current depo shot and are pregnant. Personally I'd want to find out from the doctor what the potential health implications are given those circumstances.

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 18:08:05 GMT -5 @idaholakelady said:

Nov 11, 2015 17:56:46 GMT -5 lurkerinapickle said:

The baby is probably his. They're planning on doing a paternity test as soon as it's born. Once paternity is determined, they can file for divorce. But with 2 kids and disagreeing parents, the process could take months.

Until it's final, being with me would be adultery. I assume having his name on my kids birth certificate, born before or just after the divorce is final, would be a dead giveaway.

The way you phrased this baffles me. Do you live in a state where a no-fault divorce isn't possible?

Also, "being with me WOULD be adultry..." Uh... That horse is out of the barn honey.

I don't know about no fault divorce, but he's going after her for adultery, so I assume if his friend-maybe-gf popped out a baby, she'd go after him for adultery, too. She's been very suspicious of our friendship and has implied that she would try to take custody away from him if she found a shred of evidence.

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 18:08:45 GMT -5 elleblue said:

So you have a current depo shot and are pregnant. Personally I'd want to find out from the doctor what the potential health implications are given those circumstances.

I have an appt tomorrow. I'm going to his house tonight to discuss and hopefully make a decision on how to proceed.

[anlo]

First step is to see a doctor to confirm the pregnancy and tell you what you might need to know regarding pregnancy after having had the depo shot.

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 18:09:28 GMT -5 @beachbella said:

OP: Answer the questions! Seriously.

ETA - I see you did as I was posting. And this makes less sense now.

I've been typing furiously ever since I posted the op, sorry! I'm trying to find things I missed.

[wambam]

If you want to have this child, then have it. Just know that he could very well go back to her if the kid ends up being his.

Also, I feel like "we were drinking beer and snuggling" is the new "I tripped and fell on his dick"

[lurkerinapickle]

Nov 11, 2015 18:13:30 GMT -5 @beachbella said:

Nov 11, 2015 18:10:55 GMT -5 lurkerinapickle said:

I don't know about no fault divorce, but he's going after her for adultery, so I assume if his friend-maybe-gf popped out a baby, she'd go after him for adultery, too. She's been very suspicious of our friendship and has implied that she would tRyan to take custody away from him if she found a shred of evidence.

This is EXACTLY why I cannot figure out why he did not file yet. The petition would note that he believes to NOT be the father due to said adultery and the rest of the proceedings could have moved forward with that inclusion.

Something about this stinks...

He can't file in our state while she's pregnant, his or not. It's illegal.

[jojoandleo]

Why hasn't he filed for divorce? Some states won't finalize until after the birth (for custody and child support reasons) but you can still FILE.

So-he hasn't filed for divorce. Do they still live together? And you have met his DAUGHTER? While dating her father who is still married to her mother? And now you are pregnant? And you think it has to be a secret because you all aren't married and he cheated on his wife? You do realize it is 2015, right? And I live in Oklahoma, I know conservative. This shit happens.

First-Do you want to keep this baby? No, it was not planned, but do you want it? If no, you have options. This may not be a popular opinion, but you don't have to tell him or anyone else if you have an abortion. Your body, your choice.

Second-If you DO want to keep the baby, TALK TO HIM. THEN decide where to go from here. If he wants you to be all hush hush and keep this shit a secret, tell him to shove it. This baby deserves better.

Third-He needs to file for divorce yesterday. This is ridiculous. And you are most likely being lied to/played. Sorry, not sorry.

Fourth-This could be mud, but this shit could easily be real, so, meh. Plus, I like drama, I don't care if it's real. Hence why I watch "reality" TV.

[wambam]

Nov 11, 2015 18:14:46 GMT -5 lurkerinapickle said:

Nov 11, 2015 18:13:30 GMT -5 @beachbella said:

This is EXACTLY why I cannot figure out why he did not file yet. The petition would note that he believes to NOT be the father due to said adultery and the rest of the proceedings could have moved forward with that inclusion.

Something about this stinks...

He can't file in our state while she's pregnant, his or not. It's illegal.

Wut??

[elleblue]

Nov 11, 2015 18:14:46 GMT -5 lurkerinapickle said:

Nov 11, 2015 18:13:30 GMT -5 @beachbella said:

This is EXACTLY why I cannot figure out why he did not file yet. The petition would note that he believes to NOT be the father due to said adultery and the rest of the proceedings could have moved forward with that inclusion.

Something about this stinks...

He can't file in our state while she's pregnant, his or not. It's illegal.

What state do you live in?

[Deleted]

Whaaaaaaat state doesn't allow divorce when the cheating wife is pregnant?

It's Kentucky, isn't it.

[Deleted]

Nov 11, 2015 18:16:28 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I, Orphan said:

Nov 11, 2015 18:15:17 GMT -5 elleblue said:

What state do you live in?

Hillbillia

I just died a thousand deaths.

Op, just have an abortion and walk away from all of that nonsense.

[jojoandleo]

Nov 11, 2015 18:14:46 GMT -5 lurkerinapickle said:

Nov 11, 2015 18:13:30 GMT -5 @beachbella said:

This is EXACTLY why I cannot figure out why he did not file yet. The petition would note that he believes to NOT be the father due to said adultery and the rest of the proceedings could have moved forward with that inclusion.

Something about this stinks...

He can't file in our state while she's pregnant, his or not. It's illegal.

LOL No it's not.

"In some jurisdictions, the court has the option to continue or postpone a divorce case if the wife is pregnant. For example, Kentucky statutes state that the court may postpone the case until after the pregnancy. However, no state makes it illegal or criminal to file for a divorce from a pregnant wife."