I don't know her very well. But I do know they absolutely do not have a healthy relationship. He is not an angel, and she isn't either. They have talked about getting a divorce for years, constantly fight on the phone at work, and she definitely seems like she would be the person to questions "my motive" on telling her this. And I think she may attack him on "why the hell did you tell the girl you work with?"
And really, why the hell DID he tell me. We are close, I call him my work husband, but this blindsided me.
Because he trusts you. PLEASE call the hotline.
^^ Also, besides his wife, does he have any other local family that you may be able to contact? If you worry about the wife and her reaction, maybe you could try another family member too?
OK. You are correct to take this seriously, and I encourage you to do everything you can to get him some help. and expect some fallout and for it to affect relationships (maybe your friendship, maybe his marriage, who knows) but you still should do what you can. If he does follow through with it, you don't want to be asking yourself what else you could have done.
I agree with calling the hotline for local resources, calling the wife, and continuing to check in with him.
The involuntary commitment procedures are different for each state, and often the way they play out are different depending on who is involved. Many times a family member can call or go to the magistrate to file a petition for it, but again, this depends greatly on where you are. If he has a counselor or psychiatrist, they should know these procedures and be able to walk his wife through them. She can always call and talk to his counselor or psychiatrist. People get confused about this, they will not be able to give HER information about him without his consent, but she can always give them information and ask for general guidance. and when someone is dangerous to themselves or others, confidentiality laws and ethics become much looser.
So, I would take these steps, keep checking on him, but ultimately realize that you do what you can do, but you can't control everything.
I'm sorry you are going through this, it sounds very hard and you are a good friend.
@rennido I was going to make this point too, and wanted to highlight it again. I can't offer anything else that other posters haven't already said, but my thoughts are with you. Remember at the end of the day you may not be able to stop this from happening, and if that's the outcome, it isn't because you've done anything wrong. Stay strong and GL. My thoughts are with you.
Jesus. I'm really sorry. Please do not tell your boss. From what you've written, I doubt his wife is the way to go, either. I agree with calling the hotline. I hope they are able to offer some helpful advice and that he can get through this. Whatever happens, just know there is only so much you can do.
I would not got through Hr or employer as this could potentially affect his work future (even though it isn't supposed to). I would call whatever close family he has to make them aware. Also if you know his dr or therapist name you can contact them and give them information even if they can't give you info back. Other people have already made numerous suggestions so I'll just echo you can't control his actions, but he reached out to you for help, so try to make sure this info gets to someone who can help him,
He isn't actively doing something damaging to himself or others and simply talking about suicide is not enough. Plus, like a PP mentioned, the ones that talk about it or threaten suicide to others are the ones that more often don't follow through.
I can't disagree with this more. Take all thoughts of suicide seriously. Yes, it's great that he's talking about it with you, instead of bottling it up. It is absolutely a plea for help, but he is by no means safe right now, even if his plans are in the future. The fact that he has a solid plan is cause for concern, and the people around him need to be aware of these plans to ensure his safety.
He isn't actively doing something damaging to himself or others and simply talking about suicide is not enough. Plus, like a PP mentioned, the ones that talk about it or threaten suicide to others are the ones that more often don't follow through.
I can't disagree with this more. Take all thoughts of suicide seriously. Yes, it's great that he's talking about it with you, instead of bottling it up. It is absolutely a plea for help, but he is by no means safe right now, even if his plans are in the future. The fact that he has a solid plan is cause for concern, and the people around him need to be aware of these plans to ensure his safety.
Of course it's cause for concern, I never said it wasn't. You took part of my post out of context. I said it isn't enough to warrant the police involuntarily committing him and then clarified that that's how it is in MY state and others stated it's the same in their state.
And statistically that second sentence is true. You can look it up for yourself.
Oh @rennido, how awful of him to lay this burden on you.
I agree with others. Call a hotline for advice, then tell his wife and mother. And then DO NOT make his mental/ physical health something that you are emotionally responsible for. You can and will help in any way you can, but you're not responsible for him. Please don't take that on.
In Los Angeles they would kick the guy out of the ER in within one day. The guy is playing you.
What is this?
Perhaps I'm extra sensitive because of recent events in my own life, but this is just a horrible thing to say. I get that the coworker put OP in a really awkward position, but this guy needs HELP.
cajunmom, I have 8 years in the suicide prevention field. I'm well aware of the facts and myths related to suicide.
That doesn't negate the rest of my response to you. You took part of my first response out of context for whatever reason when I never said it shouldn't be taken seriously.
“With sorrow—for this Court, but more, for the many millions of American women who have today lost a fundamental constitutional protection—we dissent,”
In Los Angeles they would kick the guy out of the ER in within one day. The guy is playing you.
I can't get over how bothered I am by this. You're a mental health professional and you're telling someone that they should just blow this guy off?
Reality check: I never said to blow him off. I specifically said to call his wife, call 911.... The reality is, they won't keep someone in the hospital that is going to kill himself two months from now. Welcome to today's psychiatric ward. Treat them and street them. Particularly if he lies about it. OK, he may get an extra day if it is the weekend. Then they will refer him out.
The guy is being manipulative. "Who are they gonna believe?" Suicidal threats are OFTEN manipulative.
Reality check: I never said to blow him off. I specifically said to call his wife, call 911.... The reality is, they won't keep someone in the hospital that is going to kill himself two months from now. Welcome to today's psychiatric ward. Treat them and street them. Particularly if he lies about it. OK, he may get an extra day if it is the weekend. Then they will refer him out.
The guy is being manipulative. "Who are they gonna believe?" Suicidal threats are OFTEN manipulative.
Maybe, maybe not, but the OP can only do what she can. No need to be an ass.
Maybe yes, maybe no, but the OP should make the calls. 911 might not do anything but I would recommend calling to document the encounter should they need to be called again.
Post by awkwardpenguin on Nov 12, 2015 23:07:55 GMT -5
I'm going to put this here because I think it's important. Obviously not all suicidal threats end in completed suicide, but most people who die by suicide have told someone or shown warning signs. Having a plan is a very serious warning sign.
Myth: Someone making suicidal threats won’t really do it, they are just looking for attention.
Fact: Those who talk about suicide or express thoughts about wanting to die, are at risk for suicide and need your attention. Most people who die by suicide give some indication or warning. Take all threats of suicide seriously. Even if you think they are just “crying for help”—a cry for help, is a cry for help—so help.
This brings back nightmares for me. As some of you here know, my husband passed away from suicide - he kept his depression very hidden. Call 911 and the hotline and don't wait. Depression and suicidal thoughts are heartbreaking and even the replies here on this thread - it seems like not much really can be done for someone if they don't get into a hospital for treatment immediately voluntarily/involuntarily. Mental illness is terrible and I'm saddened to read someone else is going through it. Hugs to you - just do your best to help him.