I need help. I don't know what to do. Suicide related.

[mbcdefg]

Oh geez

I'd definitely call his wife. And possibly 911.

[Deleted]

Im so sorry. I would call his family. I feel like he is crying for help. I think in this case its the best you can do. Call the hotline though and see what they say.

[SJ]

I would start with the hotline. And ask their advice as to reaching out to his family.

I personally lean towards telling the wife, but would want professional guidance as to whether that instinct is correct.

I am so sorry- this is a very heavy burden to bear.

[ECB]

As his family has obviously tried to help him to no avail, I would suspect that they would believe you. And why else would you call them about this if HE didn't say something?

[genet313]

I'm so sorry for your friend and for you.  Ditto PPs to try the hotline first, I have no real advice on what's best to do.  But I would have a hard time not telling his wife about this.  

[audette]

Start with the suicide hotline, and hope they can point you to some good resources locally.

[sweetnsour]

Do you have an employee assistance program at work? Can you talk to his supervisor?

[Pom]

I hope you get some direction from the Hotline on how to handle this. Hugs, sending you strength and support.

[Deleted]

I would tell his wife and/or mom. Calling a hotline is great, but I have a feeling they are just going to tell you the same and that he needs to be checked into a hospital. There is really not much more YOU can do for him. It's incredibly hard to force an adult to get help (at least in my state, there is not a lot you can do legally unless a few very specific criteria are met).

My best advice beyond that - take care of you. You cannot control the situation no matter what you want to do. I dealt with a friend's suicide attempts a few years ago and it was really rough. In the end it ruined our friendship and I honestly don't think most of what I did had much impact on her at all (well, beyond literally getting her medical attention both times she tried to do it). It was a really awful time and distracted me from some other major things going on in my life that I should have given more attention. I hope that doesn't sound callous - I just know it's a tough rabbit hole to fall into and in the end, you can't control what he does so I would hate to see you fall down it.

[tealblue]

Oh man. I hope the hotline is able to provide guidance. If not, I would call his wife for sure. And maybe 911- can't they put him under an involuntary hold for 72 hours? You can't make someone want to live but I hope he can get some help soon. Please let us know how it goes.

[sweetnsour]

In that case I would call the hotline and his wife.

[brooklyn]

Definitely call the hotline. They can talk you through options of who to talk to, and what language to use with him and his family.

I'd also nudge him to call the hotline himself. The branch I worked for was confidential and non-judgemental, and didn't call 911, etc without the callers express consent.

Keep us updated. You're doing all the right things. Take care of yourself too. <3

Feel free to pm me if you have hotline questions.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry. I would call his wife.

[OG Jo]

This hits home all too closely. Our best friend shot himself in September - no warning. I've talked to our doctor (we all use the same GP) and he said it is the people who DON'T talk about it are the people who really intend to follow through and don't want to be stopped.

I feel that he telling you is a cry for help. I would raise hell trying to get him help to spare his family the pain that we have been through the past few months.

[patbutcher]

I would tell his wife/mom. I don't see why they wouldn't believe you. They probably have seen signs of depression or whatever anyway. If my H's co worker approached me, I wouldn't think they were lying.

Honestly, I would tell them then hope they deal with it. Not sure what else you can do, that is so stressful. It might be a good sign that he is crying out for help though?

[simpsongal]

Agree with the above about calling his wife, mom, suicide hotline, etc. I'm so sorry.

Are "the pills" for depression or a medical condition?

[Deleted]

Very manipulative and dramatic on his part. Call the police and call his family and tell your boss. Immediately. That is really what he wants you to do. Then don't get involved otherwise.

[jm1982]

Speaking as the wife of someone with severe depression.

Please tell her. She will believe you. She will also appreciate the gesture more than you know, even if she's already aware that he is suicidal. Depression is isolating for the families as much as for the depressed person.

[cajunmom]

Calling 911 is not useful. There's nothing they can do and no, they won't take him for a 72 hour hold. He isn't actively doing something damaging to himself or others and simply talking about suicide is not enough. Plus, like a PP mentioned, the ones that talk about it or threaten suicide to others are the ones that more often don't follow through.

If I were in your shoes I think I'd possibly call the suicide hotline first to try to get some local resources and then approach his wife with the information.

[yentl]

Nov 12, 2015 10:24:44 GMT -5 cajunmom said:

Calling 911 is not useful. There's nothing they can do and no, they won't take him for a 72 hour hold. He isn't actively doing something damaging to himself or others and simply talking about suicide is not enough. Plus, like a PP mentioned, the ones that talk about it or threaten suicide to others are the ones that more often don't follow through.

If I were in your shoes I think I'd possibly call the suicide hotline first to try to get some local resources and then approach his wife with the information.

In my state, if someone tells me they are going to kill themselves, and they aren't willing to be hospitalized, I can have them involuntarily committed. It's not a fun process but it's absolutely possible, so saying that talking about suicide is not enough is absolutely false.

I would be contacting his family as well as your HR rep in case you have an EAP program that can take the lead on getting him help.

[dexteroni]

omg how awful. I would definitely call the hotline, then his wife and mother, and basically anyone I could that might be able to help him. Do NOT let him dissuade you from calling them. Even if your efforts are ultimately unsuccessful (and OF COURSE I hope that's not what happens), or even if his family doesn't believe you (but I'm sure they will), you'll at least know you did everything you could.

I also wouldn't count on him waiting. If he's talking about it, and is set on it, I think he's in extreme danger.

[cajunmom]

Nov 12, 2015 10:29:26 GMT -5 yentl said:

Nov 12, 2015 10:24:44 GMT -5 cajunmom said:

Calling 911 is not useful. There's nothing they can do and no, they won't take him for a 72 hour hold. He isn't actively doing something damaging to himself or others and simply talking about suicide is not enough. Plus, like a PP mentioned, the ones that talk about it or threaten suicide to others are the ones that more often don't follow through.

If I were in your shoes I think I'd possibly call the suicide hotline first to try to get some local resources and then approach his wife with the information.

In my state, if someone tells me they are going to kill themselves, and they aren't willing to be hospitalized, I can have them involuntarily committed. It's not a fun process but it's absolutely possible, so saying that talking about suicide is not enough is absolutely false.

I would be contacting his family as well as your HR rep in case you have an EAP program that can take the lead on getting him help.

In my state, it is absolutely true. I know because we with though it with my BIL. He threatened suicide for weeks, my sister called the police, his doctor, etc.  It wasn't until he locked himself in their house with a knife that the police were able to do anything. It wasn't until there is an "imminent danger" that they had a right to take him. And of course, like most people who threaten suicide, he wasn't serious about it and didn't go through with it.

If she calls 911, she'll say what? "My friend says he's going to commit suicide next year." I'm sure they'll show up in a minute. That may be harsh but is most likely true. The best thing she can do right now is talk to his family. 

[yentl]

Nov 12, 2015 10:37:06 GMT -5 cajunmom said:

Nov 12, 2015 10:29:26 GMT -5 yentl said:

In my state, if someone tells me they are going to kill themselves, and they aren't willing to be hospitalized, I can have them involuntarily committed. It's not a fun process but it's absolutely possible, so saying that talking about suicide is not enough is absolutely false.

I would be contacting his family as well as your HR rep in case you have an EAP program that can take the lead on getting him help.

In my state, it is absolutely true. I know because we with though it with my BIL. He threatened suicide for weeks, my sister called the police, his doctor, etc.  It wasn't until he locked himself in their house with a knife that the police were able to do anything. It wasn't until there is an "imminent danger" that they had a right to take him. And of course, like most people who threaten suicide, he wasn't serious about it and didn't go through with it.

If she calls 911, she'll say what? "My friend says he's going to commit suicide next year." I'm sure they'll show up in a minute. That may be harsh but is most likely true. The best thing she can do right now is talk to his family. 

I agree she should talk to his family. I'm not saying 911 is the best course of action. But crisis centers at the ER are adept at handling this kind of thing and know the procedure for having an emergency evaluation done and guiding people through the process of potentially having someone involuntarily committed. I think it's important that you not generalize your experience to everyone, since in many areas what is going on with her coworker is absolutely enough to have him hospitalized and a more informed 911 dispatcher would know that.

[Deleted]

Nov 12, 2015 10:37:06 GMT -5 cajunmom said:

Nov 12, 2015 10:29:26 GMT -5 yentl said:

In my state, if someone tells me they are going to kill themselves, and they aren't willing to be hospitalized, I can have them involuntarily committed. It's not a fun process but it's absolutely possible, so saying that talking about suicide is not enough is absolutely false.

I would be contacting his family as well as your HR rep in case you have an EAP program that can take the lead on getting him help.

In my state, it is absolutely true. I know because we with though it with my BIL. He threatened suicide for weeks, my sister called the police, his doctor, etc.  It wasn't until he locked himself in their house with a knife that the police were able to do anything. It wasn't until there is an "imminent danger" that they had a right to take him. And of course, like most people who threaten suicide, he wasn't serious about it and didn't go through with it.

If she calls 911, she'll say what? "My friend says he's going to commit suicide next year." I'm sure they'll show up in a minute. That may be harsh but is most likely true. The best thing she can do right now is talk to his family. 

This is how it is in my state. My friend who tried to kill herself multiple times still couldn't be committed because she said she was not going to do it again (and then did do it again). It was ridiculously frustrating. They also didn't hold her for 72 hours the first time, I think it was more like 48. 2 weeks later she was back and in worse shape, and they still had trouble keeping her. I think the final time (that I'm aware of, she's alive but we're no longer friends) she was only held for something like 24 hours.

Definitely worth looking into, but it's not a given that calling the police or being hospitalized is going to do much of anything at all to keep someone safe. It sucks. 

[keweenawlove]

Hugs. I would start with the hotline and depending on their advice, talk to his wife.

[irene adler]

Ditto the advice to call the hotline. They will likely have specific, local resources. Also, absolutely call the family. Sending lots of good thoughts your way. This is a terrible situation

[Deleted]

I'm sorry. I'd definitely talk to the hotline and see where to go from there.

[ijack]

Nov 12, 2015 11:27:07 GMT -5 @rennido said:

Nov 12, 2015 10:26:54 GMT -5 @bluesky said:

I'd want to make sure the wife is sane before considering talking to her!

I don't know her very well. But I do know they absolutely do not have a healthy relationship. He is not an angel, and she isn't either. They have talked about getting a divorce for years, constantly fight on the phone at work, and she definitely seems like she would be the person to questions "my motive" on telling her this. And I think she may attack him on "why the hell did you tell the girl you work with?"

And really, why the hell DID he tell me. We are close, I call him my work husband, but this blindsided me. 

Because he trusts you. PLEASE call the hotline.

[jerseyjaybird]

Nov 12, 2015 11:40:34 GMT -5 ijack said:

Nov 12, 2015 11:27:07 GMT -5 @rennido said:

Because he trusts you. PLEASE call the hotline.

This. He trusts you to help him. 
I agree that the hotline will be the best source of local resources as well as general options----not to mention support for you. I'll be thinking of you both.

[tealblue]

Even if his wife is not great, he needs to be there for his kids. Thank you for taking this so seriously and I agree with others, that he's reaching out for help. Not everyone does this unfortunately.