Elem Ed play date frequency (3rd gr)

[SpartanGirl]

My older two will do a sleepover at a friend's house maybe once a month. That's it. I don't know where we'd find the time to schedule playdates with school and activities. :/

[mekia]

My kids are still too little, but while I was growing up- weekdays were only for homework and sports- maybe a short play date, but no sleep overs. Weekends I was free to be with friends.

I was also involved in sports from 6 and on so I was often at practices or games during weekdays anyway.

[eddy]

J does after school care so I count that as social time.

I try to have a friend over a couple times a month. We don't have neighborhood kids so we actually have to make an effort lol.

In his activities he doesn't have anyone from his school on his team, but it is still social time obvs.

[themoneytree]

We do at least two play dates a week on top of our usual activities, but my kid is in preschool and it's as much about me having hang out time as it is for my kid.

[sonrisa]

3+ times a weeks sounds excessive. You say your child hasn't been invited anywhere, but have you invited any kids over? Maybe strive for twice a month.

Mine is younger so it isn't a school work issue, but we have about 1 to 2 a month. I should be better about it.

[jinkies]

We have impromptu neighbor play dates a lot-- like 1-3x a week. Today it was just 20 minutes or so before it got dark.

We've had non-neighbor school friend play dates twice this school year.

My son is in 2nd.

[erbear]

Well, when you say, "An I crazy to think that school nights are reserved for homework, extracurricular activities and not socializing?" , I say yes. Maybe for you, but not for everyone.

We do playdates 1-2 times during the week (always on Friday, sometimes on Wednesdays with the same crew of friends). We go to someone's house, moms drink wine, kids run around, we all do dinner, then everyone heads home. We don't really do many activities though - so this is our social time.

Invite some kids over. It sucks to be left out, but perhaps other parents don't think you'll come?

[copperboom]

I try to have a friend come over after school at least every other week, but DD (1st grade) is an only child. If she had siblings to play with I probably wouldn't do play dates as often. She plays with neighbor kids all the time too, but I don't really consider that a play date.

[cbwm1]

2nd grade, but...

Never. We've never had a play date.

[jaylea]

My kid is at school with her buddies all day, then for her after school care. Most of the year she plays sports with her friends as well. We don't need multiple play dates on top of it (also 3rd gr). She has maybe one every couple/ few weeks

[formerlyak]

Mine is a year older than yours, but we don't do a whole lot of actual playdates anymore. We used to do about one a week, but now a lot of the things the boys want to do are things we won't let them do alone yet, so it ends up being a family activity - see a movie in the theatre, go to a college football or basketball game, trick or treating, go to an arcade, go out to dinner, go to the beach or ride bikes at the beach, etc. Those things happen a few times a month now.

[sonrisa]

Nov 17, 2015 19:14:03 GMT -5 hiddendriveway said:

Nov 17, 2015 18:38:56 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

3+ times a weeks sounds excessive. You say your child hasn't been invited anywhere, but have you invited any kids over? Maybe strive for twice a month.

Mine is younger so it isn't a school work issue, but we have about 1 to 2 a month. I should be better about it.

she is invited to birthday parties etc. we always get invited to picnics, family barbecues etc. she was invited for play dates last year but this school year has not been yet.

Right. I should have said "any playdates" rather than "anywhere." That was ambiguous.

But have *you* invited any kids for playdates? 

[eclaires]

We don't do play dates really, esp for my 3rd grade son, but usually they play outside with neighbor kids after school for awhile. This fall, though, between each of their activities, the kids saw their friends 4 school nights a week. My daughter's best friend's brother is on my son's football team so they saw each other three + times per week because of practices and games. The girls have dance together two afternoons a week so the boys see each other then too. We have a lot of mutual friends and events now, so while no official play dates really, the kids see their friends who don't live in our neighborhood a lot. We generally see them one day over the weekend for something or other too - whether it's something we've planned, a party we are both invited too, etc.

[jaylea]

I'm guessing a lot of this has to do with parental working status. I'm not home until after 5 every day, so no ones coming to or house. And I'm not dealing with the logistics of having someone else have permission to get her unless it's a special occasion.

If I didn't work outside the home, it'd be far more convenient to have multiple play dates.

[sonrisa]

Nov 17, 2015 19:17:18 GMT -5 hiddendriveway said:

Nov 17, 2015 19:15:20 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

Right. I should have said "any playdates" rather than "anywhere." That was ambiguous.

But have *you* invited any kids for playdates? 

oh yes a few times for after school ones but we have something every day of the week so it makes it difficult.

That is probably why, then. Play dates tend to be a reciprocal thing. If you want her to be invited more (because it is making her sad), maybe invite a kid over every other weekend. Or don't. But if you don't, then come to terms with the idea that your kid probably won't get invited as often as others. 

(I'm a SAHM these days and we still don't have many because she already has activities and weekends are family time. So don't take this as a criticism. It wasn't meant as one.) 

[eclaires]

Nov 17, 2015 19:18:40 GMT -5 hiddendriveway said:

Nov 17, 2015 19:16:20 GMT -5 eclaires said:

We don't do play dates really, esp for my 3rd grade son, but usually they play outside with neighbor kids after school for awhile. This fall, though, between each of their activities, the kids saw their friends 4 school nights a week. My daughter's best friend's brother is on my son's football team so they saw each other three + times per week because of practices and games. The girls have dance together two afternoons a week so the boys see each other then too. We have a lot of mutual friends and events now, so while no official play dates really, the kids see their friends who don't live in our neighborhood a lot. We generally see them one day over the weekend for something or other too - whether it's something we've planned, a party we are both invited too, etc.

yes she sees them in structured after school activities a lot too. I dont really count that as play dates though.

I kind of see play dates as a thing for younger kids anyway. With all of the kids' activities (well really only one each - both are just time intensive), they get plenty of time with their friends since they each have a best friend at the other's activity to hang out with.

[Dezi]

Each DD each has a friend over usually once per week, and they usually go to a friends house once per week. That's on top of our extra curricular activities. I love play dates because they keep DD's busy and it allows me to get stuff done without them bugging me. That being said my best friend thinks play dates are the worst thing ever!

[onetruething]

My kids each invite a friend over every Thursday. We live in a big city and I like getting to know their friends and friends' parents. We live in a neighborhood without a lot of kids, so it's kind of a necessity.

[textbookcase]

My kids have play dates every day. With each other.

[nonsensetomfoolery]

Nov 17, 2015 18:28:29 GMT -5 hiddendriveway said:

I mean seriously! That is my feeling too. The neighbor mom works from home and I honestly think she does it to keep her dd out of her hair. I've noticed that she always tries to have the kids outside or she greets the mom on her porch so that they never have to come in. Ha ha! It actually makes me a bit sad bc this girl is struggling in school a bit. Her time could be better spent perhaps and she is a bit braggy to my dd on the bus, "like
Anabel is coming over and staying for dinner. I thought you were best friends" that sort of shit.

You don't really sound that sad. You sound jealous. And really judgmental. I get that this little girl is "baggy" but she is in third grade. You can't talk smack about a little kid. 

[textbookcase]

Dang it, I keep messing up my replies. We don't do regular, scheduled play dates often. We are super busy most of the time with extracurriculars. The two older girls have sleepovers w friends once a month or so. They have friends in the neighborhood they play with most days. They hang out with friends in sports and 4h most of the time.

[honeychai]

My first grader's BFF lives next door. They yell for each other through the fence just about every darn day. So they have play dates all the time.

Other than her BFF, maybe two a month

[erbear]

Nov 17, 2015 19:02:59 GMT -5 hiddendriveway said:

Nov 17, 2015 18:50:36 GMT -5 erbear said:

Well, when you say, "An I crazy to think that school nights are reserved for homework, extracurricular activities and not socializing?" , I say yes. Maybe for you, but not for everyone.

We do playdates 1-2 times during the week (always on Friday, sometimes on Wednesdays with the same crew of friends). We go to someone's house, moms drink wine, kids run around, we all do dinner, then everyone heads home. We don't really do many activities though - so this is our social time.

Invite some kids over. It sucks to be left out, but perhaps other parents don't think you'll come?

maybe your child is younger, but there are no moms coming or hosting play dates groups. These are friends coming over on the bus etc. when it is a family event, we are invited .

My kid is a year younger, but these are neighborhood friends, not school friends. I have no idea if school friends do weekly playdates since I don't pick up until 5:30.

[devonpow]

DS1 is in 3rd grade. In the cold months we usually do at least 1-2 play dates a week. He gets out of school at 2:40, and has less than an hour of homework or instrument practice a night so we have plenty of time to fit everything in. When it's not freezing we stay on the playground until it gets dark, but december-March we do anything to fill our time so we have lots of individual and group friend get togethers.

[devonpow]

And DS1 struggles with reading.....he has a reading tutor once a week plus we do his reading homework//practice each night, plus he takes drum lessons, and does a robotics class. He had lots of time for that plus play dates...I mean he has 5.5 hours from school getting out until bedtime. You say her time could be better spent, but they are 8/9, right? I think they should be playing as much as they can.

[aussiecrush]

Ds1, first grade, meets up with buddies at the park a couple of times a week for maybe an hour. Sometimes it's informal and others are concrete plans. Other than that, no more than once a week.

[jillybean222]

My 3rd/1st graders rarely have after school playdates. LIke almost never.

My pre-k kid has Fridays off and will sometimes see her best bud but only b/c I get along really well with the other mom and it is more for us than them

I feel like less is more with this stuff. My kids are in school and with their friends 7+ hours a day. I need some time too.

[adhdfashion]

Only first grade here, the kids have playdates 3 times a week easy. We don't do sleep overs yet. Mia isn't ready.

[Shreddingbetty]

DD is in K so a bit younger. She doesn't have a lot of play dates per se with classmates. She had one last week. I think she spend a Saturday with one of her firends a few weeks ago. She does only 1-2 activities a week after school. The rest we just sort of chill. Plus I have my niece that I need to run a round a lot as well. She does get together with her little boyfriend about once a week but that's really more for the moms so we can hang out and chat ;-) I don't really consider them play dates I guess.  Hence this:

[snipsnsnails]

What's the difference really between play dates/socializing and extracurriculars? They're both valuable developmentally. Now that we're finally out of the fog of newborndom, we!ll do 1 activity and 1 play date a week. At least that's what we've been averaging.