C-Section Recovery w/a toddler at home

[kdubs923]

OK, so in case you missed my post (whining) yesterday, I've won the Breech Baby Lottery and all hopes of VBAC are out. I'll be having another scheduled C-section on Friday. My worry isn't about the surgery - recovery last time was far easier than I could have anticipated, no complaints at all. I'm familiar with all the tips, get up and moving early, use a pillow to cough, stay on top of the pain meds, etc.

But this time I have a very active 2 year old at home.  We've been practicing gentle, but as he's literally just shy of 25 months, so his follow through is maybe 50/50.

Any tips for recovering while dealing with a crazy 30lb toddler? DH will probably take 2 full weeks off, then go back part time (he works 24hr shifts), so he'll work the day, but come home at night (or vice versa?).

How long did you have help at home? Did anyone come after your DH went back to work?

How long before you could pick up your toddler? DS is currently rear facing and unable to climb into his carseat on his own. If I turn him FF, would that help (he's in a Nextfit in my little SUV)? I'm going to keep him in daycare part time, but I'm wondering how it will be trying to get out of the house.

ETA: He's in a toddler bed, so no issues with the crib. Not anywhere near potty training, but I plan to just change him on the floor. I have an area set up for both the main floor and upstairs.

Tagging those that I know have had C-sections with a little one at home holly116 Brie @starry @envino

[jeaniebueller]

I would definitely turn him FF so that he can climb into his carseat. I won't lie, even with a 5.5 year old, it was really hard to get him to understand gentle and quiet and don't hurt the baby at first. Don't be afraid to use screen time to get through the rough days. And bribery. What helped too was to make a big deal about taking turns. E.g. like if the baby needed something and DS needed something at the same time, I would say to the baby, "DD, you have to wait your turn. DS needs mama right now," and then get whatever DS needed first. I viewed it like the baby wouldn't remember short periods of being upset, but DS might. And then if there was a time when DD needed something first, I went through the same dialogue with DS and that helped him understand that a little bit better.

[qcinoct]

I had a rcs for DS2, and DS1 was 22 months old. I had him on a Wednesday and DH was off only until the following Monday. But, we kept DS1 in full time daycare for a month, and then moved him down to part-time. I was so thankful for that month, where DH could drop him off and pick him up, so I was rarely home alone with both for the first few weeks. I was probably picking up DS1 after 3 weeks or so, though and he was not small (maybe close to 30 lb at that point?). 

[cep1976]

My daughter was 26 months when my son was born, and due to some serious gross motor delays, had only been walking for 4 months at that point, so there was no way she could climb into her carseat herself, no matter which direction it was facing. 

I actually had a harder time with her not realizing she couldn't climb and cuddle all over me like she was used to, more so than any issues with the baby. We do have a dog, so gentle hands is something we'd been working on for a long time, and she's not a particularly rough child anyway.

My parents were there for the first week, H took two weeks off, and then I was on my own. We did keep our daughter in daycare full time, though, so H would take her in the morning and pick her up, so I really  never had to put her in the carseat by myself. I do think I would have been okay doing it after the first couple of weeks, though, as I was lifting her on and off the toilet during that time period.

[CrazyLucky]

I had a c-section when DS was not quite 26 months old, so pretty much same as you. We had some success with gentle because we had three pets at the time (now down to 1 ).  My c-section recovery was actually a little tougher the second time because I got an infection.  DH stayed home for two weeks and then MIL visited for a week.  And my SIL came over and brought so many meals.  I won the in-law lottery, I swear.  
Anyway, with DS, we just told him that mommy couldn't pick him up right now because she has a big boo boo.  He got to see the big boo boo, so that helped him understand.  Everyone says sleep when the baby sleeps, which is good advice, but you also want to balance that with trying to give your first kid some alone time with mommy.
I sent DS back to daycare once I didn't have help.  It was good for him, with the routine, and good for me, needing sleep.  When DD was about 6 weeks old, MIL took care of her for the day and I took DS to the aquarium and we had a good day.  He wasn't too bad with the jealousy, but it was good to get some time together.
I guess the best advice is get through the first two weeks of hell, and then it will get better
Oh and also, lots of positive reinforcement for DS.  Any time he takes turns, is gentle with the baby, etc.  And talk to the baby so DS can hear.  "Isn't DS such a great a great big brother?  Wasn't it nice of him to share that toy with you?"

[thatgirl2478]

DD1 was 3.5 when I had my RCS with DD2, so that helped. But obviously it's not possible for your DS to grow up a 1.5 more years... That said, DH took off several weeks (I believe he took off 3 or 4) to help out with stuff that required lifting DD1. We also had my parents here for a week and his Dad and brother came somewhere toward the end (they are less helpful).
Concerns about lifting:

For the car seat - we turned DD1 around just before she turned 2 so she was already able to climb up into her seat.
For the shopping cart - we scheduled trips around times when DH could go out with us so he could lift her in. Or she walked.
For the bed/crib - we transitioned her to the toddler bed when I was about 2 or 3 months pregnant so she could get herself in and out of the bed herself.
For diaper changes - we started potty training when I was first pregnant, she was more or less trained by the time DD2 was born. But you can change your DS on the floor so you don't have to lift him.
For the high chair - we had actually already switched her into her booster seat.

The only hard part is the whole picking up for redirection / discipline. We didn't go out of the house a whole lot those first few weeks!

For learning about being gentle, not throwing himself at you/climbing on you, you just need to reinforce that you have an ouchie and then help him sit next to you (couch, bed, etc). We had to tell DD1 a LOT even though she was older. It helps that I was holding or nursing DD2 nearly all the time, so she couldn't just throw herself at me.

You can probably pick him up again within 3 weeks, I wouldn't stress over it too much.

[ladygrey]

DS was born 6 weeks ago via RCS and honestly, recovery was a breeze, even with my active 2yo DD around. We just had to remind her that I had an owie on my tummy, so she wouldn't jump and climb on me, but by 3 weeks pp I was lifting her like normal. It definitely helped that she was no longer in a crib and had just turned ff in the car.

It's also been helpful to have a few new toys (puzzles, M&D water wow) that she only gets to play with while I'm nursing. Asking her to help with simple baby-related tasks like bringing me pacifiers/burp cloths, or entertaining the baby on his playmat has helped her feel involved.

Good luck (and boo on the second breech baby - DD was breech and I was convinced DS was too)!

[statgirl]

My son was 2 yr 7 mths when #2 was born.
1. We turned him FF right before #2 arrived because we couldn't fit his carseat RF behind the driver's seat if my husband was in it. He learned how to climb in pretty quickly then.
2. I showed him my bandages on my tummy (which went way up so it wasn't like I was flashing him or anything) and told him that Mommy's tummy had a boo-boo. He was careful about not hurting me because he won't let anyone touch where he has bandaids. I wore a "bandaid" on my stomach for a lot longer than I needed to in hopes of reminding him. (If he got rowdy, I would lift my shirt to show him the "bandaid.")
3. If he wanted to cuddle, I would sit down on the couch/bed/whatever and have him climb up next to me.
4. He was pretty good with the baby but we would go over the basics every time he wanted to "hold" the baby or interact with him. If he wanted to "hold" the baby, it was done on the couch sitting right next to an adult.
5. Diaper changes were done on the floor or he would climb up on the bed if I didn't want to go down.
6. Around 2 weeks, I was picking him up (completely on accident at first). At 2 weeks, the baby ended back up in the hospital with meningitis so all hopes of an "easy" recovery went away and I completely forgot I had a c-section. I picked up the big one when he ran to greet me when I went to visit him at his grandparents (where he stayed while I stayed at the hospital with the little one). I honestly had no issues besides the fact it felt like he gained ten pounds in two weeks. My incision did take a little bit longer to heal than it did the first time probably because I wasn't babying it.
7. As far as shopping went, I took my husband when I needed to, did it while I put the big one in daycare, and ate through the freezer/pantry. I still don't shop much with both and the little one is almost 6 months. I do a big shop rather than a lot of little ones.
8. I wore my compression band for a long time to both protect my scar and give me support. I then switched to the silicone scar sheets for a little bit of protection. I think they worked pretty well. I had my gallbladder out when the little one was 4 months and didn't use the sheets and those scars are way more noticeable. I should get the sheets out again.
9. For in/out of cars, I would have the big one climb into the car from the most protected side (so either over his brother's carseat or directly into his) and then I would load the baby in his carrier. Once both were in, I would strap in the big guy. For getting them out, I would release the big one, walk to the infant side and get out the baby, and then let the big one out of the most protected side. If at daycare, I would park as close as I could to the door. If at the store, I would park as close as I could to the cart return and get a cart before getting the baby out. Now, I sometimes release the big one first and he stands on the sidewalk touching the car while I get the baby out. It makes him feel "big." This is only when we aren't in a busy area and he asks.
10. Everything was much easier than I thought it would be (except the little one's health. Let's just say that our insurance company went from considering us a good investment to wishing we weren't on their plan). The big one loves the little one and now that the little one can hold his own, they "play" together well. The big one brings the little one toys and they have laughing contests.

You got this!

[runblondie26]

I just lifted my 22 month old. Have them get on your hip/side and lift up with your legs.

I'm obviously not the poster child for following doctors orders, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

[kdubs923]

Nov 18, 2015 11:15:38 GMT -5 statgirl said:

8. I wore my compression band for a long time to both protect my scar and give me support. I then switched to the silicone scar sheets for a little bit of protection. I think they worked pretty well. I had my gallbladder out when the little one was 4 months and didn't use the sheets and those scars are way more noticeable. I should get the sheets out again.

You got this!

Is the compression band like the belly binder? I never had one for my first, but will buy one if it will help!

Also, never heard of the silicone scar sheets. Off to google!

[Deleted]

DD was a little older (2y4m) but she was FF and that helped (she could climb in the SUV- it took longer but it didn't hurt!) . We also showed her my bandages to help her understand I had "ouchies" and couldn't lift her. She understood it very well and after a few weeks when I could lift her she would tell me no! You have ouchies. LoL

Between H and my mom I think I had help the first full two weeks. It was really important the first week as I couldn't even get out of bed on my own the first couple days.

She was still in a crib so to get her in I would have her climb on the couch then I'd carry her and lower her in slowly (this was after the first week or so) so I wasn't lifting her-- lifting hurt the most.

[cilantro]

My doctor told me that "honestly, even when you're right home from the hospital, you'll be fine picking up a 30 something lb toddler." I had complications from something else, but he was still right.

[kdubs923]

Nov 18, 2015 11:44:11 GMT -5 cilantro said:

My doctor told me that "honestly, even when you're right home from the hospital, you'll be fine picking up a 30 something lb toddler." I had complications from something else, but he was still right.

This is promising! I feel like I had trouble carrying DS last time while he was in his car seat and he was only 7lbs. Maybe just because it was bulky and I was inexperienced?

Maybe now that I'm used to carrying a 30lb toddler, it won't be such an adjustment...

Sorry you had other complications!

[kdubs923]

Nov 18, 2015 11:41:03 GMT -5 @starry said:

I started making J climb in and out of her carseat a few weeks before delivery so that was a huge help.

I'm going to have him try it at daycare pick up today!

He has 48 hours to learn... Figures the one time I WANT him to climb, it will be difficult, lol

[statgirl]

Nov 18, 2015 11:30:05 GMT -5 kdubs923 said:

Is the compression band like the belly binder? I never had one for my first, but will buy one if it will help!

Also, never heard of the silicone scar sheets. Off to google!

Yes--belly binder.  I just asked for the hospital one because I am cheap.  I found it was a good way to help protect the scar and feel more supported (I used one after the first also).  Pro tip:  Ask for one a size smaller than what they give you also so when you shrink, you have another one.  Or if you are at the high end of the size range of the one they give you, ask for a second in that size so you have one for the wash.