share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
Ummm, no. I feel I would have heard from Rocco's teacher immediately had he ever said something like that. Or if any of his classmates had ever said something like that to him. And certainly he would tell me if a school mate said something like that to him and there was nobody else around to hear if. They take language like that pretty seriously in his school. Did someone say this to one of your girls?!
I feel like DD's preschool isn't exactly on the ball when it comes to trying to create compassionate, empathetic, pleasant kids. Lat year, different building, different teachers, I felt like they were at least trying. This year, they have a clear "hand off, let the kids sort it out" approach. A bunch of them were talking like that in a teacher led activity. Other kids were hiding in the closet crying at points. I just feel like they've created an environment that tolerates a lot of hostility without much emphasis on positive interactions. I feel like you can't "let them sort it out" if you don't bother with actively teaching what good behavior looks like at some point. It's not that the kids are psychopaths, but preschool should be about learning to get along with others, right?
If this is normal and not some thing you'd expect a teacher to speak up about, I won't say anything.
My four year old would absolutely say something like that, likely while playing with his 8 year old brother. I correct every time, but it's an uphill battle when they turn everything into a weapon. Crayon? Weapon. Piece of construction paper? Weapon. Flower? Weapon.
Post by CrazyLucky on Nov 19, 2015 16:59:48 GMT -5
My son is five. He does say things like "I'm going to kill you," but he did not at age four. A new skill he learned at kindergarten. It is immediately corrected. he still does it on rare occasion. But to be so specific with the method... that seems strange to me.
It would not be atypical in males fours, especially under the influence of older sibs. Context would matter, a teacher ignoring it in class is a whole lot different than boys talkin' trash out of earshot on the playground.
IME, it's done for effect. Obviously, you address it. Most well developing kids outgrow it as they get better powers of self regulation.
Post by jojoandleo on Nov 19, 2015 17:06:41 GMT -5
My four year old nephew told us the other day he wished everyone in the world was dead, except his mom. Oh and his dad! He wishes his dad and everyone else in the world was dead except his mom.
I think saying it is normal, but a teacher/parent should correct.
Post by sailorgray on Nov 19, 2015 17:07:18 GMT -5
I would be taken aback if my 4 year old said it and would instantly correct him, but I would not be concerned. As my 6 year old says, "They are still learning" and don't really get what they are saying. It is so simple for kids to pick up that lingo on TV, You Tube, other kids, siblings, etc.
I feel like DD's preschool isn't exactly on the ball when it comes to trying to create compassionate, empathetic, pleasant kids. Lat year, different building, different teachers, I felt like they were at least trying. This year, they have a clear "hand off, let the kids sort it out" approach. A bunch of them were talking like that in a teacher led activity. Other kids were hiding in the closet crying at points. I just feel like they've created an environment that tolerates a lot of hostility without much emphasis on positive interactions. I feel like you can't "let them sort it out" if you don't bother with actively teaching what good behavior looks like at some point. It's not that the kids are psychopaths, but preschool should be about learning to get along with others, right?
If this is normal and not some thing you'd expect a teacher to speak up about, I won't say anything.
This is weird. Kids were in closets crying? Were they doing some sort of role playing?
Post by beefcheeks on Nov 19, 2015 17:16:04 GMT -5
Ditto eddy...I would not be surprised if something like that came out my almost-4-year-old's mouth. He's a younger sib, too. Like, eddy, I would correct him.
Eta, Actually I would be surprised if he said he was going to kill someone, but the stabbing part....eesh, I hate to admit it, but he sometimes speaks about violent things.
I dont know if it's normal or not but as a teacher, no way would this fly in my class. Oh no. We dont let our kids be assholes to one another, mmmnope. We don't 'reprimand' but we do aaaaaaaaallllllloooooottttttttttt of "do you think that was a nice thing or a mean thing you just said?" "Do you want someone to say that to you?" "How do you think that wouls make you feel?" "Do you think you should apologize to Clyde for saying words like that?"
If they're all "yes it's a fabulous thing to say" we redirect them until we acheive the answer we want, lol.
See, this is exactly what I expect from a classroom at this age. The director is vehement about "hand off, let them sort it out."
Ditto eddy...I would not be surprised if something like that came out my almost-4-year-old's mouth. He's a younger sib, too. Like, eddy, I would correct him.
I dont know if it's normal or not but as a teacher, no way would this fly in my class. Oh no. We dont let our kids be assholes to one another, mmmnope. We don't 'reprimand' but we do aaaaaaaaallllllloooooottttttttttt of "do you think that was a nice thing or a mean thing you just said?" "Do you want someone to say that to you?" "How do you think that wouls make you feel?" "Do you think you should apologize to Clyde for saying words like that?"
If they're all "yes it's a fabulous thing to say" we redirect them until we acheive the answer we want, lol.
See, this is exactly what I expect from a classroom at this age. The director is vehement about "hand off, let them sort it out."
This is just weird. I know I already said that, but I would have a HUGE problem with this kind of attitude.
I dont know if it's normal or not but as a teacher, no way would this fly in my class. Oh no. We dont let our kids be assholes to one another, mmmnope. We don't 'reprimand' but we do aaaaaaaaallllllloooooottttttttttt of "do you think that was a nice thing or a mean thing you just said?" "Do you want someone to say that to you?" "How do you think that wouls make you feel?" "Do you think you should apologize to Clyde for saying words like that?"
If they're all "yes it's a fabulous thing to say" we redirect them until we acheive the answer we want, lol.
See, this is exactly what I expect from a classroom at this age. The director is vehement about "hand off, let them sort it out."
Sure, for some things that's an acceptable philosophy, but threats of violence? Absolutely not. How are kids ever supposed to learn that it's not okay to say things like that to other people if they're not corrected early and often?
I dont know if it's normal or not but as a teacher, no way would this fly in my class. Oh no. We dont let our kids be assholes to one another, mmmnope. We don't 'reprimand' but we do aaaaaaaaallllllloooooottttttttttt of "do you think that was a nice thing or a mean thing you just said?" "Do you want someone to say that to you?" "How do you think that wouls make you feel?" "Do you think you should apologize to Clyde for saying words like that?"
If they're all "yes it's a fabulous thing to say" we redirect them until we acheive the answer we want, lol.
See, this is exactly what I expect from a classroom at this age. The director is vehement about "hand off, let them sort it out."
That isn't developmentally appropriate at all. And how else do kids learn what to say or not if a teacher who overhears things doesn't correct it. I might say to a middle schooler, hey, let's figure out how to work things out between the two of you, as long as one kid wasn't traumatising another, but a group of 4 year olds? Hell no.
I feel like DD's preschool isn't exactly on the ball when it comes to trying to create compassionate, empathetic, pleasant kids. Lat year, different building, different teachers, I felt like they were at least trying. This year, they have a clear "hand off, let the kids sort it out" approach. A bunch of them were talking like that in a teacher led activity. Other kids were hiding in the closet crying at points. I just feel like they've created an environment that tolerates a lot of hostility without much emphasis on positive interactions. I feel like you can't "let them sort it out" if you don't bother with actively teaching what good behavior looks like at some point. It's not that the kids are psychopaths, but preschool should be about learning to get along with others, right?
If this is normal and not some thing you'd expect a teacher to speak up about, I won't say anything.
Yeeeaaahhhh, I damn well would expect a teacher to be addressing this. Kids are upset enough that they're hiding in closets? Multiple kids? At multiple times? And it's just allowed to go on so they can "work it out" with zero guidance from adults? That's not a constructive or pleasant environment for little kids! It's utter BS and for my DDs, I bet they would very quickly start to dread school.
I'm a huge fan of letting kids sort things out themselves. If given the opportunity, it's amazing what they can do!
But regardless of what is being said, whether positive OR negative, if it results in a child hiding in a closet and crying, it needs to be addressed immediately.
DS1's school is very much a "figure it out" place, including no forced apologies, BUT talk or play involving violence is absolutely not tolerated.
I would be shocked if that language came out of DS1's mouth, but he's the oldest in our family and the oldest of most of his friends. DS2 will probably be an entirely different story!
I dont know if it's normal or not but as a teacher, no way would this fly in my class. Oh no. We dont let our kids be assholes to one another, mmmnope. We don't 'reprimand' but we do aaaaaaaaallllllloooooottttttttttt of "do you think that was a nice thing or a mean thing you just said?" "Do you want someone to say that to you?" "How do you think that wouls make you feel?" "Do you think you should apologize to Clyde for saying words like that?"
If they're all "yes it's a fabulous thing to say" we redirect them until we acheive the answer we want, lol.
See, this is exactly what I expect from a classroom at this age. The director is vehement about "hand off, let them sort it out."
What kind of cockamamie bullshit is this? Prosocial skills don't appear out of thin air. They come through modeling and practice. LOTS of modeling and LOTS of practice. I'd love to know if this director has any education in child development.
As someone who doesn't have a child, but tons of nieces and nephews and can say, yes it's normal behavior but it depends on context.
What you are describing with the classroom is NOT normal. "Hands off and let them sort it out" is not this. This is completely inappropriate behavior on the school's part.
Post by underwaterrhymes on Nov 19, 2015 18:30:32 GMT -5
Here's my thought:
Kids pick up things from each other, who in turn pick up things from older siblings. So you don't always have a lot of control.
And kids like to get reactions. So if they say something, and people laugh or are suitably horrified, they dig it.
Our daycare lets kids learn from one another, but they also tell them when something is inappropriate.
They're young, so right now it's mostly having them keep their hands to themselves. But I won't be at all surprised when this comes since he's already saying things like, "What the heck!" and the turning me into a frog thing.
I think it's important to have a united front with daycare / school with most things. Exploration with language is normal, but it's okay to discuss correction.