Dealing with bad attitude

[Deleted]

My DS is almost 4, and 3 has been tough. He's really jealous of DD and struggles with playing gently with her. But he's never been aggressive with anyone else, and in general is pretty quiet and shy at preschool.

Lately though, he's gotten this attitude that is making me rage, and I don't know how to handle it. Like sassy tone of voice, refusing to do anything (he used to do that, but more because he was upset about something. Now it's just a "rude for the sake of being rude" kind of thing.) He also loves to recount all the terrible things he's going to do - "I'm going to steal DD's toy, and then she'll cry. I DON'T share." blah blah blah. 

It's driving me CRAZY and honestly, making me super mad. The tone and the disrespect are a huge trigger for me. So far I've been telling him once that the way he's talking/acting is rude, then ignoring all the rude talk. Any action he takes (hitting or pushing etc.) he gets put in his room and isn't allowed to play with us until he's polite.

How do you handle this kind of thing? And is this what I have to look forward to in the 4s??  I feel so defeated. 

[erbear]

They aren't called the fucking fours for nothing...

I ignore any behavior that isn't hurting someone. I walk out of the room. "If you are going to be rude, you may not be in the room with me." Over and over again. Consistency. It works - sometimes.

Also, wine.

[Deleted]

IN general I love four. They are hilarious, independent, fairly easy to care for. But the attitude.
No.
The attitude can GO.

We talk about how they're feeling, but you can not speak rudely (one gentle reminder, one firm reminder with a promise of consequence, then consequence....which is usually being removed "you can come back when you can speak nicely.")

Also, they seem to be picking up a LOT on our nuances and phrases, so I'm having to really watch how I respond to them, because all those words come back, for better or for worse. (That's the hardest part!!)

[lattelady5]

Nov 21, 2015 20:38:27 GMT -5 @sing4mysavior said:

IN general I love four. They are hilarious, independent, fairly easy to care for. But the attitude.
No.
The attitude can GO.

We talk about how they're feeling, but you can not speak rudely (one gentle reminder, one firm reminder with a promise of consequence, then consequence....which is usually being removed "you can come back when you can speak nicely.")

Also, they seem to be picking up a LOT on our nuances and phrases, so I'm having to really watch how I respond to them, because all those words come back, for better or for worse. (That's the hardest part!!)

Word for word this.

"Oh fiiiiiiiiiine." Is dd's new favorite phrase.

[dizzycooks]

Oh dear. I just came here to post begging that someone would tell me about how 4 is better than 3. Today was a disaster. For me, for her, for dh. I am seriously ready to just crawl into a hole. So much attitude. So disrespectful. So rude! And the hitting/kicking!!
@leftie22 I think our kids are about the same age (almost 4 and 2 in February?). Dd2 is just now starting to stand up for herself a bit. I'm glad, but I can see the referree-ing needing to happen soon. I don't have enough stairs to put them in when they are naughty nor enough bedrooms! Obviously I'll figure it out, but holy shit child, please get it together for an HOUR!

[Deleted]

Well, thanks for making me feel normal, everyone!! I was starting to feel like a huge failure at motherhood. dizzycooks - yes, our kids are the same ages, 4 in December and 2 in Feb. It's tough! I feel for you too. DD is a feisty girl and is right in there defending her turf with her tiny pinchers! I've been reduced to tears (and yelling) so many times this week. @tooshort - I have the same reaction - it's like all my parenting skills fly out the door the minute I hear that tone, and I just want to yell.

Sounds like I'd better get my game face on. @sing4mysavior - I like your approach. It's going to take all my patience, but I'm going to try it out tomorrow. And I had a big glass of wine tonight.