Confession re: dog. H never said yes...

[Deleted]

Ok, so I have been an emotional wreck the past 2 days. And here's the rest of the story. H is out of town with no cell service this whole weekend.

Thursday am: I im the link of the dog to h. We talk about it and he never says no.
Thursday pm: I text him every step of the way with updates about the dog. Again, he never says no and reponds to every text.
Tuesday pm again: I talk to him on the phone about dog names. He vetos my top 2. Again, he never says no.

Friday: I get the dog and update on fb.
Friday pm: shit went down with my mom
Friday pm: I get an email from h thhat he found sifi for a few minutes. Checked email and fb and his wall and inbox are blowing up with congratualtion messages. The he says he's disappointed and hurt that I made a huge life changing decision without talking to him first. He says he's not angry, but very hurt and upset that I would do this. He says he loves me and that we'll talk about it when he gets home.
Friday pm: I go into panic mode and start emailing him, hoping he found a spot of wifi again and texting the people that he's with, in case someone has service.

Friday late pm: h calls. Long story short, there was one pivotal part of the im that I had missed from when I transitioned from the meeting room back to my desk. He said to me "can we please talk about this when I get home because I'm really busy at work and I can't handle that and this right now."

Had I seen that I never would have moved forward with the dog without him. he totally understands that is was the mother of all epic fails in communication now, but I feel like a really shitty person because I feel like I got this dog under false pretenses. He agreed that we would keep her, but that we need to work out some things and never talk about anything remotely important over im ever again.

I really need him to like this dog. He doesn't even have to love her, but if he's unhappy I know it's all my fault. He assured me yesterday that he's in it for better or worse and that we'd find a way to work through it, but I still feel like the worst person in the world.

I disappointed and hurt 2 people that I love dearly. I really feel like a shitty, selfish ass hole.

/confession

[BlackCanary]

I am so sorry you're having to deal with this uw! Big zombie hugs for you!

And you are not a shitty selfish ass hole.

[Deleted]

Thanks.

My stomach actually dropped when he said the part of the im that I never read. I went back to the archived gchats this morning. Sure enough, it was there and the time stamp would have put me going to the bathroom and walking back to my desk.

In hindsight, I realize how utterly stupid and foolish I was to talk about a life changing decision like this over im. I don't love the dog any less, but I wish she had come in happier time all around.

[FrozenSunshine]

Disappointing 2 people? Your moms disappointment isn't about the dog, it's about a kid, as it has been and would continue to be, with or without the dog.

I'm sorry your DH and you had a breakdown in communication, modern technology isn't perfect. However, if this is something you've wanted and you've voiced in the past, I think he should allow you to prove this is what you wanted. He doesn't have to love the dog, as you said, but I suspect over time, he will or at least tolerate it and help care for it.

You're not a shitty person, or self centered. You didn't do this to intentionally hurt anyone. *hugs*

(I'd buy you a drink Mon or Tues and tell you how fabulous I think you are in person, but you're not drinking!)

Edited for typo

[tacocat]

Oh man that sucks! It will work out and he will grow to love her! I loved spike in without B's ok and he loves him like no other!

[Deleted]

Aug 26, 2012 0:41:05 GMT -5 FrozenSunshine said:

Disappointing 2 people? Your moms disappointment isn't about the dog, it's about a kid, as it has been and would continue to be, with or without the dog.

This!!!!!

And the other part isn't entirely your fault. Technology effed you over...and you were super excited with it and in the moment. Sometimes it can be hard when you are excited about something to think...maybe I should have talked to my H in person....etc. I am sure it will all work out for you! If you love her, he is sure to come to love her also!

[amandasw]

I'm sorry H and I have started and resolved many arguments long distance and I totally understand that feeling - luckily he'll be back soon and nothing feels better than getting to talk about it in person. Even though he wasn't really wanting a dog, I can see how he would be upset that all this happened without him (because maybe a small part of him wants to be there for this kind of thing). I'm sure everything will be fine in the end

[karebear219]

Hugs uw! I hope it works out in the end.

[7costanza]

I'm sorry you're feeling so badly, but it sounds like your H is not mad and wants to work through it with you. Hopefully when he gets home he will fall in love with the dog!

[fiddles]

Sorry all this happened! Technology sucks giant monkey balls sometimes.

I think H will come to like the dog. Speaking from experience, my H absolutely did not want a 2nd dog. Somehow I talked him into it and we got a 2nd dog. There were bumps in the road and he would remind me he did not want the 2nd dog. But...he loves Wrigley. He has since the moment we got him. He's admitted he's glad we got him.

Big hugs

[picksthemusic]

Aug 26, 2012 0:30:32 GMT -5 BlackCanary said:

I am so sorry you're having to deal with this uw! Big zombie hugs for you!

And you are not a shitty selfish ass hole.

This.