I need some advice on a sensitive topic.

[snipsnsnails]

I'm throwing a baby shower for my friend who experienced a stillbirth 2 years ago. She, admittedly, has a hard time sometimes around infant girls because it's a reminder of her daughter. The details of the shower are mainly a surprise. She gave me a date that works and a guest list and is hands off for the rest.

One of her guests replied yesterday and asked if she could bring her 3.5 month old daughter. Should I ask my friend what she prefers? Tell the guest yes or no and not confer? Something else?

[gummybear]

I would ask.

[sproctopus]

I lost my son to stillbirth. I would prefer someone to intervene on my behalf, without me having to feel like the jerk for the millionth time. I would write back and say that in trying to remain sensitive, it's probably best if she didn't bring her daughter. It's fantastic of you to play interference here for her. It is great that she has a friend so aware of her triggers.

[trafficgirl]

I agree with running interference on your own. If the guest is familiar with your friend's past (which I'm guessing she is), you could say something along the lines of what sproctopus said. If not, I would err more to what @cse1960 said.

[ECB]

I'm in the "run interference" camp. This day should be entirely about her. While normally a 3.5 month old would be on the "exception" list IMO, in this case, I feel that the answer should be 'no'.

[snipsnsnails]

Nov 24, 2015 17:01:56 GMT -5 Que? said:

I think I remember this friend, I any believe it was two years ago. I'm thrilled she's having another.
I agree with Sue, just say it's adults only.

Yes, the 2 year anniversary is in 3 weeks. To her, in some ways it's like it just happened and in others it's like a lifetime away. The pregnancy, while a sweet and wonderful thing, has brought with it its own pain and anxiety, so it's been a hard road for her. We were hoping to have a day to really celebrate her and her new little one, but also always give her such support.

And thank you sproctopus - I am so sorry that you have any knowledge of this because of the loss of your sweet son, but I appreciate you replying. xoxo

[shopgirl07]

Yes, tell this person adults only. Don't bother your poor friend with it.

[honeychai]

Don't even ask, just tell the person adults only.

[curtains]

Nov 24, 2015 17:08:03 GMT -5 snipsnsnails said:

Nov 24, 2015 17:01:56 GMT -5 Que? said:

I think I remember this friend, I any believe it was two years ago. I'm thrilled she's having another.
I agree with Sue, just say it's adults only.

Yes, the 2 year anniversary is in 3 weeks. To her, in some ways it's like it just happened and in others it's like a lifetime away. The pregnancy, while a sweet and wonderful thing, has brought with it its own pain and anxiety, so it's been a hard road for her. We were hoping to have a day to really celebrate her and her new little one, but also always give her such support.

And thank you sproctopus - I am so sorry that you have any knowledge of this because of the loss of your sweet son, but I appreciate you replying. xoxo

You are a really good friend. ♡

[achi]

Given the history I agree that it should be adults only. Normally I'm in the "infants are an exception" camp but she should be able to relax and enjoy her shower without having to hide any grief or other emotions. I'm sure the guest will understand.

[tictac]

I'd say it's okay to say "adults only" unless the baby in question is exclusively BF (because that's "The Rule").

But even then? Eh, I'm not a parent, but isn't part of parenting sometimes having to decline invitations because your kid isn't invited?

[lilafowler]

You're a good friend snips. ❤️

[mariafromnj]

As others have said, just respond with adults only and not bother your friend with having to make the decision.

[auntie]

If this guest is close enough to be included, she's close enough to sit this out if she can't get a sitter.

[patbutcher]

I would tell the guest the circumstances. Even if she bfs exclusively, she can attend a shower. I went to one when dd was 4 weeks old. Fed her before and h picked me up with her after and I fed her in the car.

[Moe]

You're lovely.

That's all.

[Deleted]

Adults only, that is all.  You're sweet for doing this.  

[pixy0stix]

::hugs everyone:: This thread gave me the feels.

[Deleted]

I agree (as a 3rd tri loss mom myself) that you should run interference and not even bother your friend with it because she will feel like an asshole for saying no.

[cville]

You're wonderful to check and to run interference.

I am giving the person who asked you EXTREME side eye. Read the room, fool.

[erbear]

Nov 24, 2015 20:45:14 GMT -5 cville said:

You're wonderful to check and to run interference.

I am giving the person who asked you EXTREME side eye. Read the room, fool.

Right? It's not like she doesn't know the woman.

Agree with the others. Don't ask your friend. Just tell the woman it's adults only, and to please attend alone.

[lilac05]

My initial reaction was that I'd ask, but not about a specific guest. After reading others' responses, I realize there's a better answer here.

Add this to the reasons why I love this place. I learn so much.