Seriously tillie . He has played a real mind manipulation on you for you to think YOU are being inflexible to ask him to do ONE FUCKING THING for a Thanksgiving you are preparing for HIS FAMILY that YOU CAN'T EVEN EAT.
She's a guest in your home and is asking why sheet set A is on the bed instead of sheet set B? I would be furious and so embarrassed if I were her child.
Yes. She is. She's honestly a little aspie, by which, I mean she is very literal and very concerned about things being done "right" (I don't just mean socially, she cares about things like the vacuum cord being wound correctly, and will rewind it if it's wrong; she once spent a full day ironing curtains in a home we had moved out of and were renting because she couldn't leave the house without it being "perfect."). So, she might genuinely be confused about why the "better" sheets aren't on the bed. But, she's also passive aggressive.
What happens when you confront her politely on things? I know a few Aspies and it seems it's either crying (this could be hormone-related for women) or genuine confusion that they are doing anything "wrong" is the result of polite confrontation/broaching a subject. I am wondering if telling her, "If you need anything, talk to H.", with a warm smile will be literal enough, and she *will* do that?
I'm sorry that he is not very nice to you. Every lady deserves to be happy on the holidays. Every person, really. I hope you have some fun tomorrow, at least a few moments for you.
Post by intentionalsnarkshark on Nov 25, 2015 13:37:04 GMT -5
tillie we're all rooting for you. If you need help making a plan, or just need a nonjudgmental stranger to talk to, 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) (The National Domestic Violence Hotline) would be an excellent starting place.
My MIL told both my husband and I that we can fuck off 8 days ago. We univited her to Thanksgiving at my mom's house after that until she can control her anger and talk to us like adults. I refuse to talk to her until I get an apology. So for right now, it's a nice break from her toxic ass, I'm actually enjoying it.
For real, tillie. My h rolled his eyes when j asked him to help me hand blinds the other night and we got in a huge fight about how disrespectful that was. You deserve a million times better than THAT. Jesus.
elle, I would put the unwashed sheets on MILs bed. And also maybe let the pups lay on it first.
Alyssa...wtf?! Bravo on the uninvite but I think I would be considering cutting her out, at least for a while. What a bitch.
@roxmonster, bravo on a great response. I hate that passive aggressive bullshit.
And intentionalsnarkshark posted some good advice - please take care of yourself. I'm kind of hoping that your H's family tells him what an ass he is being, since you're not ready for that right now.
Yes. She is. She's honestly a little aspie, by which, I mean she is very literal and very concerned about things being done "right" (I don't just mean socially, she cares about things like the vacuum cord being wound correctly, and will rewind it if it's wrong; she once spent a full day ironing curtains in a home we had moved out of and were renting because she couldn't leave the house without it being "perfect."). So, she might genuinely be confused about why the "better" sheets aren't on the bed. But, she's also passive aggressive.
What happens when you confront her politely on things? I know a few Aspies and it seems it's either crying (this could be hormone-related for women) or genuine confusion that they are doing anything "wrong" is the result of polite confrontation/broaching a subject. I am wondering if telling her, "If you need anything, talk to H.", with a warm smile will be literal enough, and she *will* do that?
Genuine confusion. Once,when we were first dating, she decided I had abysmal table manners because I used a knife to cut fish. (You can't make this stuff up). So, she took me aside and offered to give me lessons, "just the two of us, so no one else will know." I was, of course, annoyed, but it was early in our relationship so I just said something like "thanks, but no thanks" and told H. When he discussed it with her, she was genuinely confused about why we would be horrified by this; she genuinely thought she was being helpful "so future GMIL didn't notice and say something," and even when H explained it, repeatedly, she couldn't see that she had delivered the exact same criticism that (she claimed) she was trying to "help me" avoid. I know it sounds like she's being malicious and passive aggressive,or just flat out idiotic, but she's genuinely very sweet and probably a genius . . . She is just SO socially awkward.
I have a million stories like this. She's also super literal, so, for example, when we named our boat the "SS [our Pet Name for each other]," she said "is it a steamship? I thought you were getting a wakeboard boat? But if it isn't a steamship then how can it be the SS?"
Also- I apologize if anyone was offended by the term aspie. I have two co-workers with aspergers, one of whom is a close friend, and they both use it as shorthand to refer to someone with aspergers characteristics. When I asked my BFF, who is heavily involved in advocacy for people with aspergers, if it was OK for me to use the term too (she uses it in conversation) she said it's fine and not offensive unless being used as an insult. But, if people on here have had different experiences and dislike the term I'm sorry for using it. I'm also interested to hear about this, because I had genuinely thought the term was considered totally acceptable.
Post by scottyderp on Nov 25, 2015 17:29:46 GMT -5
I really hope this holiday goes as smoothly for you as possible. I can see, easily, how constantly monitoring yourself to ensure that things go alright can get tiring!