Can I start the holiday family complaints?

[Deleted]

We have a houseful. H's parents arrived today. My mom and brother, and H's brothers arrive tomorrow, then cousins are coming Thursday.

H didn't tell me until this morning, while I was leaving for work, that his parents were coming today. I had thought they were staying in a hotel, but I guess they decided on our guest room instead. NBD - I knew they were coming at some point, the house was clean, we have the space (I once squeezed like 20 nesties into this house). But. This did mean the guest room wasn't "made up." It was clean, but not prepped and welcoming for guests.


So, I got home from work. Visited with them for an hour. Went upstairs to change, take a Xanax (shhhhh), and put away some clothes that arrived today (ok, fine, I was hiding). MIL followed me and wanted to know what I was doing. "Changing," I said. Five minutes later, she was at my bedroom door asking "where are the towels for the guest room." (1) she has stayed here a dozen times, she knows where they are, (2) ASK YOUR SON. But, I bit my tongue and got them for her. 2 minutes later, in a tentative voice "Elle, where are those lavender sheets I got you for the guest room? Why are those big white sheets on the bed?" DUDE. FUCKING ASK YOUR SON.

I can take a hint. I get she's judgie the guest room wasn't made up for her. But THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM. There is a bed, with clean sheets, in a private room, ready with NO advance notice. I am not responsible for ensuring the sheets she prefers are on the bed, or that there's a stack of towels, or clean robes, or a stack of magazines. And again, if she needs something, or just wants to complain in a totally passive aggressive manner: ASK YOUR SON. THE ONE WHO WAS AT HOME ALL DAY.

MIL talks a good game about gender equality and stuff, and she likely even means it, but she just doesn't default to it. It's going to be a long holiday. I sense a spa day coming on Friday, if I make it that long without killing anyone.

[flex]

So when she comes to you again with a question, you're going to tell her "ASK YOUR SON!!", amirite?

[Deleted]

Nov 24, 2015 21:13:13 GMT -5 flex said:

So when she comes to you again with a question, you're going to tell her "ASK YOUR SON!!", amirite?

There might be an adjective in there. Or maybe not. Xanax is taking effect. Also, I have my Echo on with the new Shopoholic book playing, so every time she enters, I have to hit pause. Even worse.

[Elsa]

Ugh. My MIL does the same thing. Like...I'm just here because I love your son. It doesn't mean I automatically become the go to. He has an opinion. He has a voice. Fucking ASK him.

We leave tmw to go see them and I am dreading it. Luckily we got a hotel and I think I'm going to plead tiredness and go take lots of naps. Lol

[vanillacourage]

She's a guest in your home and is asking why sheet set A is on the bed instead of sheet set B?  I would be furious and so embarrassed if I were her child. 

[Deleted]

Nov 24, 2015 21:52:55 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

She's a guest in your home and is asking why sheet set A is on the bed instead of sheet set B?  I would be furious and so embarrassed if I were her child. 

Yes. She is. She's honestly a little aspie, by which, I mean she is very literal and very concerned about things being done "right" (I don't just mean socially, she cares about things like the vacuum cord being wound correctly, and will rewind it if it's wrong; she once spent a full day ironing curtains in a home we had moved out of and were renting because she couldn't leave the house without it being "perfect."). So, she might genuinely be confused about why the "better" sheets aren't on the bed. But, she's also passive aggressive.

[scorpion]

A little aspie?

[lostrn]

Thank god our house does not have a guest room set up. They only live 30 minutes away but my inlaws would try to come spend the night every weekend I bet.

And speaking of inlaws, mine are driving us crazy about Thanksgiving. Absolutely insane. My DH hates to "travel" for the holidays so now that DS is older, we've started doing our own Thanksgiving and Christmas, just the 3 of us. My family understands our wishes, will invite us over one time, but accept the "no thank you" reply. My inlaws will not let it go, and keep asking over and over and over. They started with DH, he told them very clearly no, we aren't going to their place on thanksgiving, we are doing our own thing. They asked him a couple more times, same answer. My MIL texted me, asking me if we wanted to come over for a "simple home cooked meal" for thanksgiving. No. #1 I'm on call for work on thanksgiving so I can't really commit to any set plans, and #2 we just want to do our own thing. So now they've started directly asking DS, the 7 year old, if they can come pick him up for a few hours on thanksgiving so he can see his family. Are you kidding me? He will be seeing his family, he will be spending time with his parents. He just spent the weekend with my inlaws last weekend. They see him frequently. Apparently my BIL is dog sitting over thanksgiving and he's bringing the dog to my inlaws for the day, so they were trying to use the dog to get my son to agree to come over. "Don't you want to play with the puppy?" I think we simply have to stop answering the phone from now until Friday. Knowing them that will make them come over and check on us because we worried them by not answering the phone.

[mountaingirl]

She sounds like a nightmare. I can't believe she wanted different sheets.
You and sue sue win this year. Your Mil's are batshit crazy.

[elleblue]

Ugh. I'm sorry. I hate the feeling of being judged by my MIL. I'm lucky in that mine is awesome but years ago when I was young and insecure and my relationship with her son was new, there were comments made that definitely hurt my feelings.

[gretchenindisguise]

We should squeeze 20 nesties in your house again. We can all bring lavender sheets.

I'm sorry she's insane. That should drive me batty.

[gretchenindisguise]

Nov 24, 2015 21:19:21 GMT -5 elle said:

Nov 24, 2015 21:13:13 GMT -5 flex said:

So when she comes to you again with a question, you're going to tell her "ASK YOUR SON!!", amirite?

There might be an adjective in there. Or maybe not. Xanax is taking effect. Also, I have my Echo on with the new Shopoholic book playing, so every time she enters, I have to hit pause. Even worse.

Is it as good as the others? They're my I need to leave my life and not think books. It's a bit embarrassing, but I really love them.

[franklin]

Next time she pulls something like that say, "I'm sorry, please ask the front desk, they should be able to help you" and point her in H's direction.

[audry80]

There is a new shopaholic book out? This just made my day!

Good luck with your in-laws

[Deleted]

Nov 25, 2015 1:25:25 GMT -5 franklin said:

Next time she pulls something like that say, "I'm sorry, please ask the front desk, they should be able to help you" and point her in H's direction.

This is an excellent suggestion. I may have something printed up and delivered to her door with H's phone number.

After her scene tonight, I went and made up my own mother's room properly, with slippers, a robe, bottled water, and a snack basket. I would have put the damn purple sheets on, too, but they'd never even been washed. I'm rarely passive aggressive, but when necessary I can play "I would be HAPPY to eat in the hallway on a TV tray" with the best of them.

[Deleted]

Screamed and yelled? Literally or figuratively? Because that would make me want to leave for the day and let him and his family finish preparing the meal.

[mrsd2006]

Nov 25, 2015 5:05:23 GMT -5 tillie said:

Ok, my complaint. I am hosting DH's entire family. He still hasnt communicated the details to them (time, etc.) So that fell on me. I am doing all of the prep, set up, cooking, etc. Last night I asked him to do one thing, put the leaf in the table. Good Lord you would have thought I asked him to cut off his arm. He screamed, yelled, etc. I knew I should have attempted it myself but I was scared Id scratch the table. Lesson learned.

Guess now I have to get the extea chairs, that probaby weigh more than I do, up from the basement.

He needs a swift kick in the nuts. And don't you dare bring up those extra chairs, let him do it even if he waits until all the guests arrive to do it. 

[Deleted]

Nov 24, 2015 21:52:55 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

She's a guest in your home and is asking why sheet set A is on the bed instead of sheet set B?  I would be furious and so embarrassed if I were her child. 

This.

Just reading your post makes me furious. 
why are there plain white sheets on the bed and not the lavender ones she got you? Oh Hell No. You know where you can take your lavender sheets? to a hotel!!! 

[Deleted]

I'm at my dads house, we haven't been here in five years. We arrived last night and they had a gazillion of those scented candles burning. I walked in and almost passed out the immediate migraine was so bad. I blew them all out and figured out why they had them lit. The 4 "inside dogs" pee everywhere. The smell is not nice. I went to give DS a bath last night and the tub was so gross. I had to scrub it and I plan to scrub it again before I shower today. I'm cooking breakfast and there is cat hair all over the counters. I'm so grossed out.

[kevin arnold]

Nov 24, 2015 22:02:33 GMT -5 scorpion said:

A little aspie?

She misspelled ass pie.

I think ass pie should be the new term for family members who act like total jerks at Thanksgiving.

I'm sorry for everyone here who has to deal with a bunch of ass pies this week.

[Deleted]

Tillie, for real, your h is a major dick.

[Deleted]

tillie. I don't care if you were being inflexible. I mean you are doing all the prep and he doesn't need to know why you want it done at a certain time. JUST DO IT. That is bs.
I wouldn't lug one friggen seat. and if his family gets there and there is no where to sit I would tell them that your DH was supposed to bring them up while you did all the cooking and was too much of a baby to do it.

[panicked]

Can I just say that asking your husband to put a leaf in a table at some point in 24 hours is not even remotely inflexible?

[moolarkey]

Nov 25, 2015 5:05:23 GMT -5 tillie said:

Ok, my complaint. I am hosting DH's entire family. He still hasnt communicated the details to them (time, etc.) So that fell on me. I am doing all of the prep, set up, cooking, etc. Last night I asked him to do one thing, put the leaf in the table. Good Lord you would have thought I asked him to cut off his arm. He screamed, yelled, etc. I knew I should have attempted it myself but I was scared Id scratch the table. Lesson learned.

Guess now I have to get the extea chairs, that probaby weigh more than I do, up from the basement.

If he doesn't bring them up then your guests can carry their own chairs up. Really, it's family. Family pitches in and does.  And also it might guilt him in to not being an idiot for at least a little bit.

[moolarkey]

Nov 25, 2015 9:43:23 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

Nov 24, 2015 22:02:33 GMT -5 scorpion said:

A little aspie?

She misspelled ass pie.

I think ass pie should be the new term for family members who act like total jerks at Thanksgiving.

I'm sorry for everyone here who has to deal with a bunch of ass pies this week.

I love it. Ass Pie, yes, that's perfect for idiots at this week.

[Deleted]

Nov 25, 2015 7:33:55 GMT -5 tillie said:

Nov 25, 2015 5:25:27 GMT -5 @bostonjen said:

Screamed and yelled? Literally or figuratively? Because that would make me want to leave for the day and let him and his family finish preparing the meal.

Yes, he screamed and yelled.  I admit I was being inflexible, but all I wanted was for him to please put the leaf in the table last night or this morning because I want to set the table today.  He doesn't understand why I have to set the table today (the answer is because I need to count my dishes, serving bowls, utensils, etc. and Thurs I have a lot to do before everyone comes).

I don't want to pile on because that's not helpful but I want more people to tell you so you understand your request was not inflexible and he should not have screamed at you because of it. Or ever. Screaming is for when there is a like a fire or a bear inside the house.

[RoxMonster]

I posted a pic of my Thanksgiving tablescape on FB because I'm hosting my parents this year.

My H's aunt made a bitchy passive-aggressive comment about "Wish you could be here. You know DH's grandma is 86 this year and he always went to her house as a kid. I hope you can come here for Christmas because family time is important. Bless you." (This is because we are not talking to MIL).

I just responded with, "Yes we are both fortunate to have close relationships with our grandparents. Enjoy your Thanksgiving."

AND SO IT BEGINS.

[esdreturns]

Nov 25, 2015 5:05:23 GMT -5 tillie said:

Ok, my complaint. I am hosting DH's entire family. He still hasnt communicated the details to them (time, etc.) So that fell on me. I am doing all of the prep, set up, cooking, etc. Last night I asked him to do one thing, put the leaf in the table. Good Lord you would have thought I asked him to cut off his arm. He screamed, yelled, etc. I knew I should have attempted it myself but I was scared Id scratch the table. Lesson learned.

Guess now I have to get the extea chairs, that probaby weigh more than I do, up from the basement.

I really hope that you give some serious thought to what I said the other day and what the ladies here are saying. You are worth so much more than this.

And do NOT go get those chairs. He can get them or explain that he was being a dick when people ask where they are supposed to sit.

[panbitch]

Nov 25, 2015 9:35:37 GMT -5 tarzanswife said:

I'm at my dads house, we haven't been here in five years. We arrived last night and they had a gazillion of those scented candles burning. I walked in and almost passed out the immediate migraine was so bad. I blew them all out and figured out why they had them lit. The 4 "inside dogs" pee everywhere. The smell is not nice. I went to give DS a bath last night and the tub was so gross. I had to scrub it and I plan to scrub it again before I shower today. I'm cooking breakfast and there is cat hair all over the counters. I'm so grossed out.

Are you at MY parent's house?  

[pantsparty]

Nov 25, 2015 9:59:20 GMT -5 @ygmg said:

Tillie, for real, your h is a major dick.

Seriously tillie. He has played a real mind manipulation on you for you to think YOU are being inflexible to ask him to do ONE FUCKING THING for a Thanksgiving you are preparing for HIS FAMILY that YOU CAN'T EVEN EAT.