Feeling stressed - vent

[Deleted]

Nevermind 

[estrellita]

First off, so many *hugs*

I've been there. Still am most of the time. You are totally not alone in your feelings. I and many others know how hard it is to get up in the morning when you're feeling so terrible. Fighting against yourself every day is seriously exhausting!

I'm sorry you're dealing with a horrible family. Seriously, they are terrible. I'm so sad they don't seem very supportive or understanding. Have you tried talking to them about it at all? Maybe your sister doesn't realize what she's doing and maybe your mom doesn't know that you're not just in a bad mood, it's much more serious.

I know finding a counselor can be difficult but I really think you would benefit from it. I think it would be really good for you to talk to someone about all of these things and they can help you find ways of being able to cope, stand up for yourself, etc. I'm not great on resources but I've heard that you can call a suicide prevention line just to talk, even if you're not feeling suicidal. I wonder if there are counselors you could "meet" with over the phone so you don't have to drive? And there has to be something they can do about your eyes. Have you tried a few eye doctors or looked around for a specialist?

I know it's a lot of work. It feels impossible when you can barely function every day. But things will be ok. They really will. I think you just need that "kick" to start taking back your life. I'm afraid things will get worse once baby comes because that is a whole new kind of stressful. Please get some help <3

[estrellita]

I see you deleted.. let me know if you want me to delete too. *hugs*

[katiek]

First of all, big huge hugs. The daily pain of your eye issue sounds terrible, and I can completely understand why it would make everything much more difficult. Your families sound really draining, and I feel you on the friend issue as well. I have several friends, but they all live far away, so I never actually spend time with friends, unless you count Skype.

I really really cannot stress enough how much I recommend mentioning your depression to your OB at your next appointment. When I was pregnant with Milo, I became incredibly depressed, more than I ever have been. I ate terribly, only left the house to walk the dog, and only got dressed five minutes before H came home because I was embarrassed for him to see how little I had accomplished. My depression improved a bit when he was born, but still wasn't myself. I finally got help when Milo was 9 months old, and have been on medication since then. All you have to do is mention it to the doctor at the next appointment you're already going to, and you might not even have to look for a therapist, they may refer you to one.

Pregnancy depression is a very real thing, and even if you were depressed before (which I was as well), pregnancy can exacerbate it. Treating your depression is not going to magically cure everything, but I know from experience that things fall into place after you feel better. I'm now so much more motivated to clean, go out, shower, take care of myself, and interact with H. Depression makes me incredibly apathetic, and I didn't care about any of those things or think they were worth the energy.

I'm not trying to make this the katiek anecdote time, just trying in my bumbling way to express that you are not alone, and that what you're going through does not have to be your entire future. I really regret not getting help sooner, solely for my own sake. I could have enjoyed that year and a half so much more if I was feeling more like a human.

Huge hugs. I'm sorry for the novel.

[katiek]

Oops, sorry, I can delete too if you want.

[katespade]

I just want to give you so many hugs.

I won't go into details because I see that you deleted, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. I connect with so much of what you said and I understand many of your frustrations. Please, please, please send me an IM or a Facebook message if you want to talk about anything, either now or later.

I'm so sorry that you're struggling and feeling this way. (((((HUGS)))))

[Deleted]

No need to delete...sorry, I do appreciate that both of you guys took the time to reply. That really means a lot to me. ((estrellita)) and ((katiek))

[Deleted]

And also thank you katespade

[Deleted]

katespade I'm sorry you're going through similar things, it is truly such a challenge. katiek I never heard of pregnancy depression before, just postpartum. I will force myself to mention it to my doctor, even though I feel ashamed of it. Although it started years ago, I would like to do whatever I can to fight it.

[estrellita]

Definitely mention it to your OB. They might be able to get you on some pregnancy-safe meds and help you figure out a plan for when baby is born. They also might be able to help you find a counselor that you either don't have to see in person or maybe you can see on the same days as your other appointments. It's possible that it's hormones, but it's also very possible that it's not and the hormones are making it worse. Just remember that YOU need to be happy and healthy. I know baby isn't here yet but I know I pushed my own mental health aside in an attempt to do what was "best" for baby. Please don't do that. Take care of yourself because baby needs a happy and healthy mom! Don't ever forget to make yourself a priority!

[estrellita]

You don't sound angry to me at all, just frustrated that you don't feel the way you think you should (and deserve!) to feel. One thing that has helped me get through the day is to force myself to shower and get ready for the day even if I don't have anything going on. I also try to get something done right away in the morning. If I do those things, a lot of time it will give me a little motivation to do other things. Maybe try that for a week or so and see if it helps?

[katiek]

Nov 24, 2015 21:54:27 GMT -5 @moonbeam said:

katespade I'm sorry you're going through similar things, it is truly such a challenge. katiek I never heard of pregnancy depression before, just postpartum. I will force myself to mention it to my doctor, even though I feel ashamed of it. Although it started years ago, I would like to do whatever I can to fight it.

As far as I know it's not enormously common, but I've looked into it a little and it's definitely a thing. I'm so glad you're going to mention it to your doctor. I felt ashamed too, and always have, but being open about it has actually made it a lot easier to deal with. Plus, I try to remember that my doctor has pretty much seen my insides at this point, so what's one more thing I feel vulnerable about? It will be really difficult to get the words out, but I promise it will be worth it.

[amaranth]

*hugs* I am so so sorry you're having a rough go. I missed your first post, but I highly recommend reading your second post to your doctor. Sometimes it's hard to articulate off the cuff how bad things actually feel, but having it pre-written to either hand them or read aloud gives them the full information. I had to do that several years ago when I was having a complete break down during college. I didn't know what to do any more and although I wasn't suicidal, I had lost any care about life or what happened in it. I was just along for the ride and miserable every moment. It was truly awful. Like katespade, at that point I also had some really awful stomach issues going on that made life feel just too hard to handle. I don't think any good doctor would question how you feel, or that it could be exacerbated by an ongoing health struggle.

Again, *hugs*. Even without hormones flooding your body it can be hard to get through depression, pain, or hopeless feelings. I hope this isn't out of place for me to bring up, but it seems like neither you or your husband have a group of friends or social connections to fall back on. Maybe this would be a good time to try getting out of your comfort zone and seeking out a new group you could feel part of. You could try meetups for your interests, whatever they may be. Ideas include board gaming, crafting, people who have the same breed of dog as you, etc. Pre-select a mom's group or two and put the details on your calendar to go once the baby is here. You will need support, even if just emotional, and usually family isn't the best place to get it. I treasure my MOPs group so much (mothers of pre-schoolers) because if I need to cry and curse for 10 minutes, they nod along and let me, then they hug me and help me find a way to make the problem better. They are incredible. I would love for you to find some women like that to lean upon. Sometimes family absolutely sucks, so making new family can be better

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I'd be happy to send you a list of some moms groups for the future and you can see if they're available in your area. I don't know your other hobbies, but I'm sure there are some things around.

[MrsMB]

I didn't see the original post, but it sounds like there is a lot going on. Many ((hugs))

[awick14]

((Hugs)) if you ever need to vent we are here for you.

[bk1]

So many hugs.


I didn't see your OP but we are all here for you.

[Deleted]

Thanks all. I am so tired. My parents are supposed to come over today and part of me wants to just tell them not to, but I'm a whore for some home-cooked food. H would rather eat nothing at all and has said so...lol.

I don't think I should post right now, I'm too much of a downer.

[katespade]

@moonbeam - Just remember that we're here for you. I completely understand the fear of coming across as a total downer, but we are here to support you whenever you want to talk through anything, no matter how "downer" it seems. The board definitely doesn't have to be all happy all the time.

I've found that just having someone who understands and can listen and commiserate with my frustrations can make a pretty significant difference when I feel like I'm drowning.

[katespade]

@moonbeam - You're so sorry, but you're not feeling well enough to have guests today. If she's going to guilt you either way, at least that way she can guilt you from afar instead of coming into your house and making you feel bad. Being your mom does not give her the right to walk all over you. You don't deserve that kind of treatment and you don't need that kind of stress.

[Deleted]

At this point they will come over even if I tell them not to. They do that all the time. I haven't yet grown the cojones to just not open the door, especially when my dog goes crazy because she can see them through the window.

Last week my mom started trying to rearrange my bedroom. I had to pull out the "H will be mad" card to get her to stop. He told me I can use it whenever necessary to get her to stop doing shit that I don't like.

I just want this over with. They'll come over, we'll eat, and then I'll tell them it was fun and time to go. My dad has to work all day tomorrow and Friday, so I'm sure he will want to go home and relax anyway.

[katespade]

@moonbeam - Ugh. That is beyond rude. I'm sorry. I hope that you're able to get through your meal and get them out the door quickly! It's great that your H is supportive of whatever you have to say to stop her from overstepping. I can't even imagine one of our parents walking into our house and trying to rearrange furniture. Especially a bedroom. How weird!

[Deleted]

katespade Indeed lol. I should have set boundaries long ago, but I have been too afraid/guilty to do so. Now I'm panicking about it. I have nightmares that they moved in with us. I feel like I am still 3 years old. But at least then I could have a tantrum without embarrassment, now I can't even do that. No one respects me - probably because I don't demand respect. I'm a grown-ass adult, and all of this is now my fault because I let people treat me this way.

[travelbug]

I just want to offer all the hugs (((@moonbeam)))

[awick14]

Can you freeze any of the food she brings? (If you have room in your freezer?)

If you can't freeze stuff and you've told her not to bring so much food then please have no guilt throwing food away. If you've said you don't want it it's not like you haven't tried to tell her.

As they will come over tonight anyways just try to make this visit short.

If she tries to throw your stuff out or move things around try and tell you that she can't do this. She can't come into your house and disrespect you and you're H like this. (I know it's easier said then done, but you need to do this for yourself, your H and your little one.)

Also always feel free to vent/talk about it here if needed.

[katespade]

@moonbeam - Please remember: It is NOT your fault. The things you're describing are things that any grown adult should know are inappropriate. I would guess that she knows she's being rude and she's choosing to treat you like this anyway. That doesn't say anything negative about you, though. It says everything negative about her. SHE is the problem, not you. You should not have to explain to someone that it is inappropriate for them to move your furniture around, throw out medications, mock your food choices, or come over when you've already asked them not to. They should know.

If throwing a tantrum is what it takes for them to leave, you throw a tantrum and don't feel an ounce of guilt or embarrassment about it. Maybe they'll think twice before they come over and treat you like crap again.

[Deleted]

They just left and now I'm relaxing. H kept them entertained with light-hearted banter, which helps to pass the time quickly.