thrid kid and budget

[nowa]

DH and I have had the same conversation over and over again about whether or not to have a third child. He's really focused/worried about the financial aspect. Good one of us thinks things through. But really, I'm curious how a third child affected your finances. I'm not really worried so much about the future years because a lot can happen between now and middle school/high school/college. I'm more worried about your day to day life in the 1-5 years after your third was born.

And if you decided against a third child, and money was a part of that, tell me your reasoning too.

I think I've gotten to a place where I can imagine a wonderful life with our two girls and never miss a third. But there's still a nagging voice that wants a third.

[dizzycooks]

Call me back in a year?

Seriously though, I've done next to nothing to prep for the third. I think our biggest expense so far has been purchasing a mattress for dd2. Of course, I have all winter girls so I just keep recycling the clothes and they are young enough that I buy most winter gear, boots and shoes through online garage sales, but even then I pass them down to the younger one if they are still fit to be worn.

At this point we aren't too into activities, but the oldest is in swimming lessons and they both go to some ECFE classes. They'll both do VBS in the summer. Those aren't huge expenses, but obviously multiplied by 3 rather than 2 they do get more expensive.

Our daycare bill is so atrocious that I am taking next year off work and we'd be hard pressed to get them into sports that could be comparable so I'm not too worried about that aspect of it. The place we are seeing it impact most is vacations. Obviously 5 plane tickets, a hotel room large enough for all of us to stay happily, and meals out are spendy. We don't vacation at this point, but haven't with two because the second sleeps so poorly I refuse to be miserable and pay a lot of money to feel that way.

I'm curious what other people's opinions are. I do know that we will wait a while on a 4th because daycare is something we truly couldn't afford at that point and I'm not ready to completely quit my job.

[jensriot]

Finances didn't really come into play with our decision, but things have jumped up unexpectedly. I am surprised at how much more we spend on groceries. I had to almost double my low budget of $100/week. Some is because my girls are getting older, of course. The boy can really eat though, and he's only 2! I also don't have as much time to shop around and coupon, so some of it could be mitigated I'm sure.

DS ended up going to preschool earlier than planned, so add that to every month. It's done wonders for him though, so no regrets.

Most of the other day to day stuff feels about the same. I knew the third would be in swim and eventually activities, so no surprise by those expenses. We're also lucky to be pretty healthy. DH and I have been sick more than the kids the last couple of years, lol.

[chelsmat]

I have noticed no significant changes to our budget with a third so far (she is 2). Maybe I spend a tiny bit more on food and clothes and I had an extra year of diapers but nothing that significantly impacted our budget. I mean if $30 a month in diapers is a make or break on a third child its probably not a good idea you know? The biggest impact for us will be when we have two kids in preschool next year. $400 a month is like a car payment! but we will have had three years to prepare for this so it is definitely not a surprise. 

I look at it this way, even though we need to be responsible and shouldn't just have 500 kids because we feel like it, no one ever has a kid and then wishes they didn't do it, that the kid didn't exist. However, I know plenty of people who come to the end of their life still wishing they had more children. 

[nicolewi]

From 1 to 5 years is I think the time of the least impact! We had pretty much everything already for the third child. Diapers, wipes, some new clothes, gifts for Christmas/bdays. Most of the expenses will be further down the line--activities, camps, snow boots, travel, college savings!

We had a fourth in January. Over the long-term, a kid is really expensive, but I'm glad we went for it anyway.

[nicolewi]

PS Number FOUR was way more expensive! Number 3 was very inexpensive as I was still working and had excellent insurance coverage, and had all the gear. For #4, I was no longer working and paid MUCH MORE for care and delivery even though I was already paying crazy amounts for our insurance premiums. Our car seats had expired, so we needed a new infant and now a new convertible seat. I got a new crib mattress b/c the other one seemed worn out. We had moved, so I got new crib bedding and needed some new changing pad covers and stuff. Somehow, number four has been expensive! But number 3? Great deal.

[jensriot]

Nov 25, 2015 10:24:08 GMT -5 nicolewi said:

PS Number FOUR was way more expensive! Number 3 was very inexpensive as I was still working for insurance for the birth, and had everything. For #4, I was no longer working and paid MUCH MORE for care and delivery. Our car seats had expired, so we needed a new infant and now a new convertible seat. I got a new crib mattress b/c the other one seemed worn out. We had moved, so I got new crib bedding and needed some new changing pad covers and stuff. Somehow, number four has been expensive! But number 3? Great deal.

Yes! Everything seemed to wear out or expire just as we stopped needing them for #3. The bucket car seat I used for all three expired the same month Andrew got to heavy for it. Another baby would have meant buying some new stuff.

[Deleted]

I don't have a 3rd, but my brother and SIL recently had a third, and it's been hard on them. They have to pay for daycare, though, so if you're home it might not be so crazy. They had also given away all their baby stuff because their kids are older. All I know is they're finding the financial aspect really tough. They both have well-paying jobs and my brother does contract work at night, and they're still stretched pretty thin. Daycare and activities are the main costs. However they're also not the types to do without anything, so I guess that's a factor too.

[lexus]

This baby is our third even though we will have the expense of only raising two. Our car seat and stroller from dd need to be replaced. With dd I had to supplement with formula from the start and by six months she was exclusively ff. I'm hoping that since I was engorged after ds passed we won't have a supply problem this time. Even though pumping will have some expenses (storage bags, etc) it will be significantly less than formula. We will be starting over with daycare since we both work full-time. If it's a boy we will need to buy clothes. We will need new crib sheets and a dresser for this one too. Thankfully, most of our big stuff will be ok.

[penguingrrl]

For day-to-day life our third hasn't cost a ton. Food costs were higher once he stopped EBFing of course. Diapers and wipes, clothes since it's the first boy in the family (I have no hand-me-down source). Now we're paying $87/month for preschool and that will be higher next year and the following (we'll add more hours each year).

In the long-term there are of course concerns about activities, college, helping them get set up as adults as we're able to (our parents have helped us quite a bit while he was in grad school and won't allow us to repay them, but have asked us to pay it forward to our kids instead). It also delayed my reentry to the workforce since daycare is too costly, although Hs new career has made that far less of a priority now.

We are fine with the girls sharing a bedroom long-term and with being in what some would consider a small house for a larger family (1100ish square feet), so we don't have a bigger house because of having three kids. And even with only two kids I wanted a 3 row vehicle to allow for carpooling, so that also wasn't a "3rd kid" expense.

[jena]

It wasn't bad for us. There were medical costs from her birth, but one-time expenses aren't usually the problem. The daycare bill is the killer. Fortunately my kids are all 3 years apart (in school years). So I never had 3 in daycare, it's just that we've been paying daycare for 1-2 kids for 8 years now and have 2.5 more to go.

[Kcthepouchh8r]

I've kind of had similar feelings where I can picture life with two and feel completely content but there's still that nagging voice occasionally to say one more.

Over the summer I was in baby fever mode and fully planning to get my iud removed. I went to my yearly ob appointment, set up an appointment to get it pulled in October. I cancelled it. This whole having both kids in school close to full time (Dds day is five hours including bus time, Ds is 6) is awesome. It's easy to get all the errands and housework done with time to spend a full day with my BFF/do coffee after drop off with moms from DSs class. I've been going out once a week for drinks with friends after bedtime. I can go out from 730-1030, go if bed at 11 and sleep until 7. If I have another kid I have nine months of exhaustion then another year at least of crap sleep. I would give up this newfound freedom. It's a struggle in our relationship when we are not sleeping.

Then another part of me thinks about my kids being big siblings at an age they can really get it and be involved and it makes me change my mind. Lol.

[hocus2]

Do you stay home? Because that is a big factor in this. If we had a newborn tomorrow the big impact would mostly be on childcare.

Right now we pay ~1200 per month during the school year for after school care and then ~4000 per month for camp for 2.

If we had a baby we'd have a nanny again. When we've spend ~3000 a month on the nanny (no after school) and something on camp (but not 4K). We're talking about an $1800 extra per month in costs until the baby would be in K more or less. Then at that point I'd have 2 kids who could go to after school (at 1200+inflation mark up) and an older child who might be able to just walk home after school. 

I'm sure we could make large life style changes to make it work but it is still a lot of money to consider.

[Katiedid]

I have not noticed any significant impact on our finances since adding number three, but he's not even two yet. Fortunately we were able to re-use everything from the first two except clothes. I think the biggest expenses are coming up in the future...preschool, activities, clothing, saving for college, etc. Actually, the only huge difference I see between number one and number 3 is the amount we have saved for college. DD1 had much more money at DS1's age in her 529. Good luck!

[cjcouple]

We didn't go for a third because I felt the impact was a large one. We would have had to buy a larger vehicle. Another 5 yrs of daycare and if it were opposite sex, all new wardrobe. New car seat since the one I had would have expired etc.


I know you said no long term ramifications but they did factor in for us.
we would need a larger house and an additional college fund. These were huge.
Plus for extracuricullars as they became school age and older. Not just the cost of the activities but also equipment and travel. And we love to travel/vacation and another child would definitely increase those costs. A lot of hotels make your get a second hotel room once they are certain age etc. This absolutely may not matter to many people but to us it is all important for the quality of life we wanted for our future so it was a big factor.

[dizzycooks]

I guess it depends on what your log term plans are. We have chosen not to upgrade our cars just because we are having a third. We bought car seats that fit the cars we have and have no intentions of carpooling. We do plan on moving at some point, but for the moment are staying in a smaller house. We don't eat out much or splurge on extras. Honestly we ran our budget and it's "cheaper" for me to stay home with three than to work so obviously if we stayed at two things would be a bit "easier", but not really because most of the extra goes to daycare. I think the biggest thing is your expectations. Do you want to do a bunch of classes? Do you need private prek or is there a coop you're happy with (for us we have tried many daycare a arrangements and will not compromise on that, btdt bad deal), what are your vacation/date night expectations? How much do you plan to save for college, cars and weddings? We plan on helping each of them, but not cover the whole cost of anything except maybe a used car that they will share. People feel differently about that though so as long as you're on the same page it should be fine.

[erbear]

I don't have three but I ran the numbers once (for daycare) and we couldn't afford it. Well, we could but I'd have to get a new job, we'd have to move to a different house in a different school district, and I'd have to pull the girls from a school they love. So that didn't seem worth it.

[dizzycooks]

Nov 25, 2015 17:52:38 GMT -5 @tooshort said:

Nov 25, 2015 14:09:59 GMT -5 dizzycooks said:

I guess it depends on what your log term plans are. We have chosen not to upgrade our cars just because we are having a third. We bought car seats that fit the cars we have and have no intentions of carpooling. We do plan on moving at some point, but for the moment are staying in a smaller house. We don't eat out much or splurge on extras. Honestly we ran our budget and it's "cheaper" for me to stay home with three than to work so obviously if we stayed at two things would be a bit "easier", but not really because most of the extra goes to daycare. I think the biggest thing is your expectations. Do you want to do a bunch of classes? Do you need private prek or is there a coop you're happy with (for us we have tried many daycare a arrangements and will not compromise on that, btdt bad deal), what are your vacation/date night expectations? How much do you plan to save for college, cars and weddings? We plan on helping each of them, but not cover the whole cost of anything except maybe a used car that they will share. People feel differently about that though so as long as you're on the same page it should be fine.

Your car seat arrangement is amazing to me. You are a rock star. I was hyperventilating over getting two kids in and out of my pathfinder wrangling coats and the such. I seriously got a van just so I can put the middle seats down and have a whole middle of the van open so they can get their crap on. I hate winter and coats.

That's awesome because a pathfinder would likely be my "upgrade".

[trizzie]

I haven't noticed a difference.

[lala]

I think the first few years are the least impact in most ways. We did have to get a bigger car, if our sedan permitted 3 car seats, we might have eeked out a little longer.

The activities fees will start adding up in a few years. 2 more years of preschool at $150-300 month for those years.

Food hasn't been super noticeable b/c it's been a slow increase for the last few years anyway. Packing 2 lunches, kids that east a ton, etc.

We did have to buy new carseats. And clothes since it's a boy after 2 girls. But even if it was a girl, the seasons wouldn't have aligned initially.

We are about to start noticing it in traveling since our trip next year means 5 airline tickets and we'll be out of most traditional hotel rooms.

It also prolongs me from going back to work, adding more years to my out of the workforce count, which is up to 6+.

All of this said - we knew it all going into it and still went for it. We hemmed and hawed but in the end 3 seemed more right for us than 2. After I got pregnant, I still panicked a bit, thinking wouldn't we be just fine w/ just the 2 girls? Now that Jack is here, of course we can't imagine life w/o him and I don't regret it at all.

[thecheshirekat]

I think it also depends on how far you space them out. Right now we have three kids in preschool, and that's a huge expense. We had to buy a bigger car because I couldn't fit three seats in the back of my Accord. If we had some years in between them, I probably could have made it work with one or two of them forward facing or in smaller boosters, but three RF kids is a lot. I don't care that two of them will have to share a room forever, but it does kind of suck to not really have a place for my ILs to stay when they visit.

[rosesandpetals]

When I looked into it around here, it made more financial sense to get a nanny than send 3 kids to daycare. Especially if one of them would be in the little room with the 6 week olds.

Anyway, we are OAD for a number of reasons but sometimes I still get that little voice. Then I remember babies don't sleep and it flutters away . . .

[lala]

Spacing is a good point, my kids will not overlap preschool at all. They will overlap come college, some.

I'm home, so no daycare costs. I also don't care about room sharing.

[trizzie]

Nov 26, 2015 5:12:57 GMT -5 lala said:

Spacing is a good point, my kids will not overlap preschool at all. They will overlap come college, some.

I'm home, so no daycare costs. I also don't care about room sharing.

My kids don't overlap preschool either and I also stay home.