The time when a holiday tradition emotionally scarred my kid

[stephm0188]

I thought it would be fun to start a new holiday tradition. I gave the kid a new pair of Christmas pajamas and an Elf on the Shelf this evening. 

He immediately dropped the Elf and ran out of the room. "I don't like it. Get rid of it. It's creepy! He's going to come to life and he's creepy! TAKE IT BACK!"

He was hysterical and on the verge of tears. He insisted that I get it out of the house. I locked it in the car. "No! He'll get out! Get rid of it! Take it back!"

I bought the stupid thing for 75% off last Christmas so I can't exactly take it back, so I fibbed and said that you adopt elves and you can't just take them back because it's not allowed. This was not acceptable.

So I told him I'd take the elf and drop him off in the country and that he'd find his way back to the North Pole. Kind of like the movie Elf, but more twisted I guess. I drove around the neighborhood and told him that I made sure that the elf couldn't see where I was taking him.

"He's going to come back! I know he is!"

He's too terrified to sleep. 

[stephm0188]

Nov 27, 2015 20:56:39 GMT -5 TR said:

Lol your kid doesn't know you can't take it back. Why didn't you just say, "ok, I took it back" if that's what he wanted?

IDK! I should have. He was so freaked out I didn't know what to say. 

[circa1978]

Nov 27, 2015 20:54:34 GMT -5 stephm0188 said:

So I told him I'd take the elf and drop him off in the country and that he'd find his way back to the North Pole. Kind of like the movie Elf, but more twisted I guess. I drove around the neighborhood and told him that I made sure that the elf couldn't see where I was taking him.

OMG. 

[shamrockshake]

Omg this is killing me 

[underwaterrhymes]

Nov 27, 2015 20:58:30 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

Nov 27, 2015 20:54:34 GMT -5 stephm0188 said:

So I told him I'd take the elf and drop him off in the country and that he'd find his way back to the North Pole. Kind of like the movie Elf, but more twisted I guess. I drove around the neighborhood and told him that I made sure that the elf couldn't see where I was taking him.

OMG. 

I know, right?

Holy shit, OP. You choked, eh?

[ErinExpat]

If he is so repulsed by the elf I doubt he'll care if he is granted safe passage back to the North Pole.

Maybe he'd feel more comfortable with him taking a long walk off a short pier.

[Elsa]

Omg lol

[underwaterrhymes]

I'm dying that you locked it in the car.

The fact that I find this so funny will come back and bite me in the ass. Our Elf arrives tomorrow.

[ErinExpat]

I'm sure there's some sort of Maximum Security prison for rogue elves you could find on Pinterest.

He can't be the only kid who's felt this way.

[gummybear]

OP I have so been there with a hysterical child and a ludicrous solution on my part. I am totally LOLing at the idea of the elf being dropped off in the country. You should have made a little blindfold and bound him with zip ties

[moolarkey]

Nov 27, 2015 21:00:38 GMT -5 ErinExpat said:

If he is so repulsed by the elf I doubt he'll care if he is granted safe passage back to the North Pole.

Maybe he'd feel more comfortable with him taking a long walk off a short pier.

Having an elf death on his hands (drowning after walking off the pier) might traumatize him even more.

[stephm0188]

It all seemed like a good idea at the time. He loves the movie Elf, so I guess I was thinking that maybe he'd imagine the elf was taking some magical journey back and would visit a narwhal or something.

I blew it.

[foodiemom]

This is hysterical.

We've had our elf for like 3-4 years and my kids are still a little freaked out by him. We can NEVER have him in their room in the morning, I think my son would have a full blown anxiety attack. He also can't be doing any of that fun stuff you see on Pinterest. Too freaky for them.

[Deleted]

H and I are dying of laughter. I tried to read this to him but couldn't get the words out. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but I agree with kiddo.

[readyin07]

Dying of laughter. OMG. How old is he? I know my kid's school had an elf last year. I hope his...doesn't!

[Deleted]

Nov 27, 2015 21:15:09 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Dying of laughter. OMG. How old is he? I know my kid's school had an elf last year. I hope his...doesn't!

OMG MOM IT FOLLOWED ME TO SCHOOL!!! I thought it couldn't find us!!

[nsl]

/NSL

I wish my kids were creeped out by our elf. I have no idea where fuckng Christopher wound up after our move, but the boys are already asking after him.

[lilac05]

LOL.

I agree with your son.

Since you're already knee deep in this story, tell him tomorrow morning that you got a call from a co-worker who found an elf on the side of the road and adopted him into their family. "It even has a tiny freckle on his left cheek, just like the one that was at our house." Now that it has a home/family, it will not come back to your house.

[Deleted]

I don't believe you.

[stephm0188]

Nov 27, 2015 21:15:09 GMT -5 readyin07 said:

Dying of laughter. OMG. How old is he? I know my kid's school had an elf last year. I hope his...doesn't!

He's 7. His teacher last year had an elf. He never told me it freaked him out.

I'm debating whether or not to give his teacher this year a heads up. I don't want to be that mom, but I also don't want her to have to deal with some hysterical kid during circle time.

[thinkofthesoldiers]

Nov 27, 2015 21:22:03 GMT -5 @ygmg said:

I don't believe you.

I typed and deleted this a few times. Glad you said it.

[Deleted]

This is so funny!

[AHappierHour]

This is hilarious!! Our new elf isn't coming till Dec 1st. Last year we didn't do it because I couldn't find it. And I swear I think DD1 threw him away. She hated that thing. I have a pic of how I taped him up and she took a piece of tape to cover his eyes.

[livinitup]

If you don't name them, they dont come to life or belong to your family.

He's safe.

[honeychai]

Aw poor Elf!
Haha

[meshaliuknits]

Hes taking reasonable precautions. Those things are bloodthirsty.

[eb777888]

lol, we love that little elf! David thinks he's magical. We're bringing ours out tomorrow. ML is so funny. Every damn year.

[papie]

Now I'm picturing the elf crawling back from the woods chucky style.

[vicky]

I hate these goddamn elves and I don't even have a kid.

[vicky]

Freaky ass narcs.