We have weekly housekeepers so neither of us does much cleaning, I do vaccum daily but that is honestly my thing. I have a weird deal with the floors.
We both work full-time but I work from home and I'm done for the day between 3:00 and 4:00.
Me: All cooking morning kid prep morning chicken duty afternoon dog walk household laundry DS2 laundry most tidying but unless I request something be done All finances
Him: Make bed morning dog walk all dishes his laundry and also helping DS1 keep on top of his laundry evening chicken duty most yard work, which is extensive in the spring and summer but very light in the winter evening kid prep
DS1: laundry unload dishwasher feed dogs and cat
DS2: fill dog water unpack lunchboxes and set out backpacks for the morning
I do basically everything except work for money full time. I do cooking, laundry, cleaning, yard maintenance, kid stuff (Dr. Appts, etc) manage the budget and pay bills, all shopping, etc.
He will gladly do anything I ask him to. I just prefer to get it all done during the day so we can relax and enjoy family time when he's home.
Post by mrsukyankee on Nov 30, 2015 16:51:40 GMT -5
When we were both working, we split things evenly - he'd do dishes, load dishwasher, take care of outside stuff and vacuum, whereas I would do laundry and wipe down surfaces. Now that I work part-time, I tend to do almost everything in the house (though we have a cleaner once a week which helps a lot). I'm okay with it and my H makes sure to clean more on weekends.
Post by irishbride2 on Nov 30, 2015 16:57:44 GMT -5
It helps that we outsources a lot, to be honest. We rarely do laundry or have to do cleaning beyond the basics of vacuuming up crumbs or doing dishes. We also have a yard guy and a pool guy.
I am in charge of weekday meals since I am home long before H. H handles most weekend meals.
H is our social planner. He handles our schedules. He also in charge of babysitters and making most appointments for the family or kids since he has flexibility during the day.
I am charge of the dog. H will do things like let her out or fill her bowl but I am responsible over all for the dog.
I do handle the kids packing when we go on trips. That is on me. He would have no clue where to start.
I do things like buy gifts for birthday parties or set up wishlists for the kids for Christmas. I organize our Christmas shopping (spread sheet) and buy most gifts and then tell him which people he needs to handle (like his parents or siblings).
I do not do anything with bugs. Ever.
In the mornings, I am generally in charge of DS and he is in charge of DD. Sometimes that changes and one of us does both or whatnot. It just depends on our schedules.
The big differences are: 1) He is not home many nights, so that falls on me. 2) He has to handle anything that pops up during the day since I am not flexible.
So those are our main areas where one of us has more work than the other. The rest of it is split pretty fairly.
Our situation is unique as DH works 2-3 weeks away from home, then he's home for a few days, repeat. So I take care of everything, minus the yard work. He mows the lawn when he's home. He'll also help pick up when he's home, but I try to get everything done before he gets home so we can enjoy time together and not spend our time cleaning.
Post by StrawberryBlondie on Nov 30, 2015 17:06:19 GMT -5
H totally does more than me but I think I have the more annoying jobs. ETA: things he does: Most yard work (mowing, etc) Dishes Changing sheets Getting up with child (about 80% of the time) Grilling Show plowing Car stuff Bill paying Baby bedtime Baby bath time
I do: Cooking Laundry (DH tries to be helpful every once in a while and does a load and completely screws up my system) Scheduling with school Dr appts Switching out the clothes when they don't fit anymore Menu planning Errand running Clean litter box Shoveling Gardening
I do most of the laundry and cooking. Which is kind of laughable because while I wash the laundry, it almost never gets around being folded and put away. With cooking, I usually only cook ~3 times a week and then we eat leftovers the rest of the time. So I may make the meal but he is the one usually reheating it for the kids. He definitely does more around the house than me. I work until 9pm so he is at home with the kids for a few hours before I get home.
I am really, really lucky to have him. I work late but I am also lazy. So when I get home, I really don't feel like doing much of anything. I make myself do stuff but I am definitely doing less than him.
I do 100% of finances. DH has no clue. I'm ok only because it's not a stress.
I do all the keeping track of schedules and required stuff for DS, but DH does pickup drop off and such about 50%. Lately with work he's been almost 100%!responsible and there have been dropped items, like leaving nap may at home, that stress me out
He'll do anything I ask, but it's a rarity he takes initiative.
He does most of the dishes, outdoor stuff, grocery shopping, bed/baths for the kids, daycare drop off.
I do most of the cooking, cat tending, laundry, planning, household manager stuff (selecting and hiring contractors, deciding to get work done because if it was up to him it wouldn't), worrying, and daycare pick up.
Post by StrawberryBlondie on Nov 30, 2015 19:39:23 GMT -5
One thing that really bothers me is that while DH does a TON with our kid, if he reaches a point where he needs a break, he just kind of starts ignoring her rather than telling me that he needs a break. Most of the time it's fine, but he often has minimal regard for whether I'm in a position to actually keep an eye on our child so she doesn't kill herself.
I swear sometimes I get paranoid my husband is reading my posts although I know he's not. But this evening, he booked his own ticket to go home. Before that, I reminded him that I needed him to let me know the dates so I could get it done and he said something about how he could take care of it because he knows I have so much on my plate. Say what now? I'm keeping my eye on this Twilight Zone style of nonsense.
Which is kind of laughable because while I wash the laundry, it almost never gets around being folded and put away.
So much our house. It's never ending! We always have 1-3 baskets of clean clothes - sometimes folded and not put away, but mostly just waiting for someone to fold them.
Him - takes out garbage about 75% of the time - takes out recycling about 75% of the time - does his own laundry - pays cable bill and cell phone bills (separate finances) - will clean the gutters if asked - schedules car maintenance for his own car - chips in for his car insurance most months me - all grocery shopping - all meal planning/prep - split cleanup with daughters - pay all other bills - all vacuuming, mopping, dusting, etc (not that it happens as often as it should) - all child care (though there is so much less now that both girls are teenagers) - my laundry (daughters are responsible for their own laundry) - all home maintenance (other than gutters) - all yard work (split with daughters) - clean litter boxes (split with daughters) - schedule car maintenance for my car and daughter's car
Yeah, I think it is time for a come to Jesus meeting. Either that, or I need to lose about 170 pounds.
DH does 75% of the chores. If I'm really honest, it's about 90% of the chores. I say we split cleaning the litterbox and doing the dishes, but if he doesn't remind me I forget. He made an excellent house husband when he wasn't working.
My husband almost never: 1) helps clean my daughter's room 2) cleans the playroom 3) cleans a single toilet in the house 4) cleans any tubs or showers, even though he just left a nasty black ring around the tub two nights ago and I asked him to scrub it out 5) washes our daughter's laundry 6) trims hedges or pulls weeds in the landscaping
I almost never: 1) take out the trash (but this is changing because we have a smaller can in our new house) 2) clean up dog poop in the backyard 3) mow the lawn (I have NEVER mowed the lawn... but now we have a service so DH doesn't do it either).
Since we moved in our new house in August/Sept he has not ran the vacuum, dusted anything, or mopped anything.
He has never paid the mortgage. I have never paid the car insurance.
I kept trying to answer this yesterday, but couldn't figure out how to do it. Our division of labor has shifted around quite a bit over the course of our marriage as we've had a lot of different combinations of work/school/unemployment/life issues during that time. There was a period where I was barely working 40 hours a week and doing so from home and H was working 60-80 hours a week, plus a long commute, so I did mostly everything. On the other end of the spectrum, there was another period where he was unemployed and did absolutely everything except load the dishwasher, which he is awful at, and maybe like 50% of the cooking. (As a side, it was AMAZING to just walk into the kitchen and have it immaculate and all my vegetables washed and chopped and ready for me to cook. Seriously some of the best days of my life.)
Currently, his office is in the process of relocating, and during that time, he'll be working from home 3-4 days a week. So basically, for the last few weeks, we've been here in the house all day long together. Having just come off the first few weeks of that experiment, I've noticed that he's not so good at the kind of mental thinking - groceries and meal planning, remembering to walk the dog at the appropriate times, etc. These are things I typically handled since I have worked from home for years, but didn't do when he was unemployed (or when he had a month break in between jobs in January). Apparently, he is capable of carrying the mental work when he isn't working, but finds it much harder to do when he is working. So that's been very interesting.
Post by granthamite on Dec 1, 2015 14:50:28 GMT -5
I have a feeling if I type out a list, I'll just end up angry. The easy answer is H scoops the litter boxes and takes the trash from the garage to the street after I gather it and he adds the litter trash. The rest is all me, by default, unless I ask him to do something and there's a 30-50% chance it gets done.
Most of what we do we like to do or prefer to do over the other chores so it works out well. I'm a morning person and DH is a night owl. The rest of the responsibilities are whoever is able to do it.
Me: Laundry Bathroom cleaning Main room clean up and dinning room Vacuuming & Mopping Get up earlier in the morning to get lunches ready and DD's bags packed for Daycare.
Him: Kitchen Outdoor work (Cutting grass, snow blower etc) Takes the dog out Trash Puts DD to bed after he does her night time neutralizer treatment
Which is kind of laughable because while I wash the laundry, it almost never gets around being folded and put away.
So much our house. It's never ending! We always have 1-3 baskets of clean clothes - sometimes folded and not put away, but mostly just waiting for someone to fold them.
Gosh this makes me feel so much better about our baskets upon baskets of clean clothes lol. I can certainly commiserate
Post by StrawberryBlondie on Dec 1, 2015 15:12:02 GMT -5
My DH can never, ever remember when Baby H's bath night is. He does basically every single bath night. Shouldn't this be second nature by now? Why do I have to remember if she's due for a bath if I'm not the one giving her said bath??
My DH is a SAHD so he takes care of the household more than I do. We are both good at saying thank you for the small things and talking about when it feels unfair. It can be hard to get to that point.
DH: Cleaning, laundry (wash and dry, each individual responsible for folding/hanging/put away own), 10% grocery shopping Pay bills All lawn/tree care & snow removal Car related stuff Setting and attending kids' dr/dentist appts Cooking Mon-Thur All errands (post office, dry cleaning, kids' activities) Pet care (grooming, vet, food) Take trash out to curb
Me: Organization - closets, paperwork, household Budget Weeding/flower beds Reminding about scheduling kids' dr/dentist appts, attending appts Cooking Fri-Sun Meal planning and 90% grocery shopping Kid shopping (clothes, books, toys, supplies) Gift planning/shopping Social life planning Pet care (walking/dog parks/play) Bring trash cans back in from curb
It's pretty traditional around here. He does all the yard work, trash and recycling (including the diaper pail - ew!), cat box, dog poop, bug-killing....all the nasty things I don't want to do. The only gross thing I never make him do is clean hair from the drains. So gross, but it *is* my hair. He does his share of dishes and childcare, but I can never get him to take his laundry up. He'll be like "I have literally NO clothes!" And I'm like "they are LITERALLY all in the laundry room. It's downstairs, second door on the right, in case you forgot."
Dh works (night shifts) two days off. I'm a SAHM. So he wakes up with the kids one day a week, on a day off. I do the other 6 days. Dh is in transportation so we take his rest seriously since a lot of lives are in his hands.
I cook, clean do laundry manage kids. He works, pays bills, grocery shops and handles our car maintenance.
I know I do more than he does, he knows too, but luckily he helps with whatever I ask and he puts the kids to bed and bathes them when he's off or if I ask. He also takes the kids so I can go get a coffee and walk aimlessly around Costco to get some me time.
It feels 50/50 to me but somedays I get overwhelmed and bitch and same with him. When you're the only one working or the only one managing the family you can take it out on each other.
I feel like it's mostly jealousy...I wish I could work sometimes and I resent that he can. Sometimes he wishes he could be with the kids more or play with them. See them do things and he can't. I'm happy with it though. When the little one goes to school I plan to work. I have two fucking degrees I better get back to work!!!
Me: everything kid related included making dr appts, paying attention to school activities, buying clothes, cleaning closets, bathing and feeding.
All dog related care, feeding, picking up yard. About 40% of laundry. All breakfast and lunch cooking and about 80% of dinners. My own budget. Taking care of my car. Planning travel. 90% of dishes. All sweeping, vaccuming, mopping.
DW: Her budget. Anything related to her car. Major house issues. 60% of laundry. Taking out trash. 20% cooking dinners.
I feel like it is not a clear division of labor, but I am sure my H would say it is.
H: outdoor "maintenance" (cut the lawn, weedwhack, salt the driveway, shovel, plow, clean the gutters) 20% of the weekly cleaning 85% of the week he washes the dinner dishes repair projects around the house (99% of the time I need to be the one to ask him to fix something, he wouldn't do it on his own)
Me: pay all bill and do budgets meal prep grocery shopping cook all meals clean, plant and weed all gardens 80% of weekly cleaning 15% of dishes on the night H is too busy
we both do laundry, though I would say I do it a smidge more than he does