Multiple kids and gifts?

[keyslover]

I am working on lists for the kids and need advice/ perspective. Girls are 4 1/2 and 7.

There are a few things we want to get that would be good for both of them to use, like a globe and a telescope.

In reality, the older one would get more out of the telescope, but I want the little one to use it too.

We had a crappy fighting morning and I think that is skewing my view. I also try to be fair, but I am thinking I am going overboard. It's ok for DD1 to have it be "hers" and to share if she wants, right?

Signed,
Would rather go on vacation for Christmas than buy gifts

[hocus2]

If it is hers then sharing is probably not going to happen. We do a lot of family toys and very few personal toys for this reason. If you think she'll love then then get it and get something else for your younger one.

[floridakat]

This is an ongoing battle in my life with twins. Personally, I don't think they should have to share all their toys. I mean, yes, we're teaching them to share, but we don't give everything to both of them with the upfront understanding that they must share. We try to treat them as individuals, and give them each things that they would enjoy. We endured years of fighting over toys, while continually teaching them why it's important to share.

Now they've developed this elaborate system where they trade each other toys for a set period of time. They came up with this system on their own, and it seems to be working great. "I traded Marlowe my Faun doll for her magic wand and four mermaids. For two days."

Important life lessons and all that.

[ninjabridemom]

Yeah Kat we mark toys w their initials and that helps a lot. For a lot of thigns we get 2 of the same or 2 really comparable (like Batman/Superman type thing) and then mark them. But they always end up fighting and trading anyway.

Big things they share. Like this year they are getting an Octopod set and that they'll share. But they are also each getting a Doc McStuffings stethoscope. Sharing that would be brutal and unnecessary.

A telescope seems shareable to me but then maybe you could get htem each an age-appropriate book on astronomy and how to use it and whatnot.

[Marmee]

I think it's fine to be hers & share if she's good about sharing. I have 4 girls, they all get separate gifts but they know that unless it's super personal (like jewelry) they will be expected to share. They know this policy benefits them too so no one really ever takes issue with it.

[auntie]

You could always give it as a joint gift with clear expectations that they share it.

Some things make sense to get dupes of, somethings lend themselves to sharing.

Good telescopes can be frustrating to use unless you have computerized tracking on them. Setting them up, movement from cars, objects tracking in space, etc. We have a couple, TBH we grab the binoculars more often especially when we were outside with DS.

www.skyandtelescope.com/astronomy-equipment/choosing-astronomy-equipment/binoculars/

[erbear]

Our rule is anything not in bedrooms is fair game (as long as it's not in active use). So if I got DD1 a telescope and she wanted it in the living room, it's for everyone.

We don't duplicate gifts, as a rule. They either figure out how to share or no one gets it.

[pegasuskat]

We used to do some things as a gift for both from Santa, things like a Wii and a telescope. They would also get plenty of their own things too, and it always worked out pretty well.

[macmars45]

Dec 1, 2015 11:20:57 GMT -5 floridakat said:

This is an ongoing battle in my life with twins. Personally, I don't think they should have to share all their toys. I mean, yes, we're teaching them to share, but we don't give everything to both of them with the upfront understanding that they must share. We try to treat them as individuals, and give them each things that they would enjoy. We endured years of fighting over toys, while continually teaching them why it's important to share.

Now they've developed this elaborate system where they trade each other toys for a set period of time. They came up with this system on their own, and it seems to be working great. "I traded Marlowe my Faun doll for her magic wand and four mermaids. For two days."

Important life lessons and all that.

I'm a twin and it always sucked so bad when my cousins and other sisters would get their own toy and twin sis and I got one to share. Even now as a grownup I need things to be fair (in regards to gift giving).

[textbookcase]

Dec 1, 2015 13:12:29 GMT -5 pegasuskat said:

We used to do some things as a gift for both from Santa, things like a Wii and a telescope. They would also get plenty of their own things too, and it always worked out pretty well.

This is what I do, too. They have their own gifts, then Santa gifts are big joint gifts to share.

[WOT?*]

The older one would get more use out of it NOW, but the 4.5 year old will get some use and learn to use it earlier and may get to the point where she will want to use it as much. Or at 7 she might be more interested in it than your current is at 7 or will be at 10. I think it's fine for something like that to be a joint gift from Santa (our joints were always Santa gifts). Give them each something that's more individual to them and not such a major gift. I've been fine with big presents being joint family presents. The kids survived it somehow.

I love the idea of age appropriate books on astronomy for each of them. Maybe even a book on mythology for the older one, as the constellations align with the Gods. (My older GD loves mythology and has since not much older than yours.) She can search for the constellations named after her favorites.

[floridakat]

Dec 1, 2015 16:16:23 GMT -5 macmars45 said:

Dec 1, 2015 11:20:57 GMT -5 floridakat said:

This is an ongoing battle in my life with twins. Personally, I don't think they should have to share all their toys. I mean, yes, we're teaching them to share, but we don't give everything to both of them with the upfront understanding that they must share. We try to treat them as individuals, and give them each things that they would enjoy. We endured years of fighting over toys, while continually teaching them why it's important to share.

Now they've developed this elaborate system where they trade each other toys for a set period of time. They came up with this system on their own, and it seems to be working great. "I traded Marlowe my Faun doll for her magic wand and four mermaids. For two days."

Important life lessons and all that.

I'm a twin and it always sucked so bad when my cousins and other sisters would get their own toy and twin sis and I got one to share. Even now as a grownup I need things to be fair (in regards to gift giving).

I liked your post not because you had to share, but because I agree that I think it sucks. Just because you share a birthday doesn't mean you're not your own person! It means we have two of a lot of things that we probably only need one of, but I really think it's important to treat them as individuals. 

[keyslover]

Thanks everyone! I appreciate the responses.

[papie]

4 is way too young for a telescope.  It's okay to give it to the big kid imo. DD1 (8) has a microscope and a telescope, and can't really play with them independently.  So we do it as an activity and involve DD2 (5).  I think it is the kind of thing with which sharing will happen, because you will need to help her set it up and all, and then she'll let her sister watch too, you know?

Maybe I am speaking as a bitter older child, my parents ALWAYS had to make everything fair, and it was bullshit, lol.  

[speckledfrog]

FWIW, I just saw a speaker who suggested that everyone have a set number of toys that are for their use only and those toys are kept in a non-public space. Everything else is a community toy. If they want to add a new non-sharable toy to their collection they have to swap something out to be a community toy.

This is the first year we are really dealing with more than one kid and gifts. We are doing a few of the bigger gifts as joint gifts so there is no mistaking (for my almost 4 year old) that they are to be shared.