Could you live in a passionless marriage?

[fluffernutter]

Say you are best friends.  You have a great time together and like the same movies, food, etc.  The only thing missing is attraction/desire.  Sex is ho-hum and you could definitely go without (with that person).  Could you stay in a marriage like this?

[underwaterrhymes]

No

[Deleted]

No

[smock]

Not right now. I might be okay with this kind of companionate marriage when I'm 70+.

[papie]

No.

[AHappierHour]

No

[amandakisser]

Nope.

[mich1]

Hell no.

[frkls]

depends on how long i've felt that way. all things in a typical marriage are cyclical.

[walterismydog]

The longer I'm single, the more I think I would prefer this scenario. Really I just want a BFF life buddy who likes going on adventures, listening to good music, hanging out, and who will clean up after him/herself. I have zero interest in a romantic relationship at this time.

[NothingWrongwithOhio]

Can I have sex with other people? Yes.

Otherwise? No.

[pantsparty]

No. I need to be desired and feel desire.

[cuddlyevil]

Nope.

[BaliHai]

No.

[laurack]

how "ho hum" are we talking? I mean I'm not mad for sex with my H by any means. The sex is fine, I usually have orgasms. But we aren't swinging from chandeliers and none of our ceilings have mirrors. It's pretty basic sex generally I guess.

I don't want to tear his clothes off when I see him. I very rarely feel like "I could really go for some sex now!" in general though. Mostly, I don't particularly want to have sex with anyone, but sometimes I do think while I don't particularly want to have sex with my H but maybe I'd like to have sex with Idris Elba or that hot guy in yoga class.

I feel like we have a good, solid and mostly happy marriage though and I plan to stay in it.

[iamgrace]

Once I thought maybe, but now I know that I can't.

[konapoppy]

This sounds petty familiar, so yes. It didn't start this way though.

And basically everything laurack has said.

[laurack]

If you mean, both parties don't want to have sex with each other AT ALL, then no that would not be ok. My H does generally want to have sex with me pretty much any time and while that can be annoying it's also good. And I'm not like "omg this is terrible!" when we are actually having sex.

[jojoandleo]

I wouldn't marry someone without passion, but if the passion left my marriage, I could stay. I'm pretty good at handling my own needs in that area. I WOULD need to feel LOVED, though. I would need to feel like he cared about me. But, I could stay married to someone I loved where the sex was infrequent at best and ho-hum when had.

[NothingWrongwithOhio]

Dec 2, 2015 9:56:08 GMT -5 laurack said:

how "ho hum" are we talking? I mean I'm not mad for sex with my H by any means. The sex is fine, I usually have orgasms. But we aren't swinging from chandeliers and none of our ceilings have mirrors. It's pretty basic sex generally I guess.

I don't want to tear his clothes off when I see him. I very rarely feel like "I could really go for some sex now!" in general though. Mostly, I don't particularly want to have sex with anyone, but sometimes I do think while I don't particularly want to have sex with my H but maybe I'd like to have sex with Idris Elba or that hot guy in yoga class.

I feel like we have a good, solid and mostly happy marriage though and I plan to stay in it.

[ciescalove]

I don't think I could.

[AuntFlo]

I think I could. I mean, I like sex and all, but if everything else was there and I felt truly loved and respected by this person then I would be okay with it.

Passion fades, but true love and companionship is what allows you to grow old together.




ETA: I feel like I should also mention that I just got divorced so wtf do I know lol

[adhdfashion]

Nope.

[pantsparty]

Dec 2, 2015 9:45:24 GMT -5 frkls said:

depends on how long i've felt that way. all things in a typical marriage are cyclical.

This is true. Attraction waxes and wanes over a marriage. I mean, I no longer want to rip my clothes off every time I see my H, and that's just part of familiarity, I think. I always want there to be SOME desire, but at the same time, I'd rather have a less passionate sex life with someone I love deeply than a hot romance with someone I barely know.

[sequins]

Yes.

[ZoeHart]

No.

[MarmeeNoir]

I am.

[sequins]

Passionless marriages are the norm in my community. These are people who are happy and fulfilled in their relationships. Passion and sexual desire being important in a marriage is a western thing, imo.

[10outof9]

That's basically what I'm doing right now. I love H, and we enjoy spending time together. However, we've only had sex maybe half a dozen times in the 5.5 years we've been married.

[lilafowler]

Dec 2, 2015 10:09:46 GMT -5 sequins said:

Passionless marriages are the norm in my community. These are people who are happy and fulfilled in their relationships. Passion and sexual desire being important is a very western thing, imo.

This is an interesting point!