Possibly flameworthy, but we want 2 or 3 and sex will be a big factor.
If #2 is a boy, we will probably go for #3. If #2 is a girl, we might stop (or we might keep going).
This isn't so much based on preference for one sex over the other, but DH and I are both from families with two kids of the same sex. DH especially felt a lot of direct competitive pressure with and comparison to his brother. We just don't want to recreate that situation if we can avoid it.
Not flameworthy. H and I really want one girl and one boy. If that doesnt happen we will be sad, but for financial reasons I doubt we would continue TTC after 2 kids.
Post by mollybrown on Aug 27, 2012 10:15:35 GMT -5
We've always constantly evaluated. We went from wanting 3-4 to 2-3. After the first was born, I insisted that I was 1 and done because he was such a rough infant. Then I went back to wanting 2 because he was such an awesome 1 year old
I knew that I wanted a 3rd within months of #2 being born. I just wasn't ready to be done. I am pretty positive that there will be no #4 unless we adopt (which is a consideration). I'm in my mid 30's so they would all have to be fairly close together, and the logistics of 4 babies/toddlers is more than I care to handle.
Post by mommylikestattoos on Aug 27, 2012 10:29:10 GMT -5
Two was always my magic number, ideally 2-3 years apart. I'm currently pregnant with #2 and DS will be 3.75 yo at birth. DH would have been more than happy to stop after DS, since he has a daughter from a previous relationship, but he knew what I wanted before we were even engaged.
We want two close together. Neither of us is really interested in the energy or financial burden involved in a big family. but we remember growing up how fun it was to have siblings to play with. So 2 is perfect.
Butting in...I wanted a large family, 5+ kids. My husband wanted 2. Finances brought me to me senses and I agreed to less. The use of IVF also also helped me decide that one. We had agreed to 2 but had twins. I had an older son to begin with so w had 3 kids. My husband had decided to wanted to experience a less complicated pregnancy...not that he was the pregnant one but you understand...we agreed to go try again when our twins were 2 thinking we'd paying a bit less in daycare with the twins being in preschool. Turns out we got pregnant on our own when the twins were 16 months old. We decided to not have more after him. All 4 of my kids are boys. I have 5 nieces to balance it
2 kids means we don't need a bigger house, a bigger car, etc. Plus after the 2nd we were so exhausted and over the insanity of baby years (ours are 1.5 years apart) that we basically looked at each other one night and were all "uh, I'm totally done with babies" and laughed. We love our dudes, but we knew we wanted to move on from the baby years.
Post by liveintheville on Aug 27, 2012 11:51:41 GMT -5
We knew we wanted more than 1 and probably no more than 2. Kid 1 was working his way to being an only child the first two years of his life. Then we decided the second one couldn't be as bad so we had Kid 2. And he's not as crazy but is far from easy. So we're done. Plus we have a 2 bed condo so if we have another we'd need to move, I hate being pregnant, my OB told me no more kids, and we're in our late 30s.
I wanted 4 before I got pregnant. Then I had my shittastic pregnancy and was thinking I was one and done. We definitely plan on having another, now, and I will deal with the pregnancy. Neither DH nor I are only children and we can't imagine having DD grow up without siblings.
But, unless we have multiples, we are only having 2. I am highly considering a tubal ligaton when I have my c-section.
We knew Kid 1 was working his way to being an only child the first two years of his life. Then we decided the second one couldn't be as bad so we had Kid 2. And he's not as crazy but is far from easy.
We knew Kid 1 was working his way to being an only child the first two years of his life. Then we decided the second one couldn't be as bad so we had Kid 2. And he's not as crazy but is far from easy.
I am SO RELIEVED to read this.
No shit, right? I take it everyone told you that if the first kid is a terror that the next one will be a cake walk? Fucking lying liars who lie!
Post by GailGoldie on Aug 27, 2012 17:35:05 GMT -5
we both grew up in large families (i'm the youngest of 4 and he's teh youngest of 6)... so we knew we wanted at LEAST 2, and decided 3 was a good number for us financially and also time wise (i was 32 when we got married).
My first pg was rough and i told DH i could only do it one more time- an to wish for twins... and bam - we got them
if we didn't have twin the 2nd time, we probably would have only had 2 kids... and if we had twins first we probably wouldn't have tTC again (being afraid of another set of twins mostly). So it worked out perfectly for us.
I wanted 2-3, and even had fantasies that motherhood would be so awesome I'd decide to have 4. But after having 1, I really can't fathom ever having more than 2.
Post by sweetnsour on Aug 27, 2012 18:32:23 GMT -5
I have two and that will be it. Pregnancy sucked for me and I can't imagine doing it again with two kids. Plus financially I think it is better to stop at two.
Post by curbsideprophet on Aug 27, 2012 20:27:48 GMT -5
FWIW, I did not notice a tone in token's post, and I did not really find it condescending. I would agree that if you are unsure, the earlier you start the more time you have to figure it out. Depending on how things go, you may or may not have the luxury of lots of time.
We currently have one, in theory we talk about a hypothetical second, but no immediate plans for another. I do not think we have officially decided on anything. I am much more open the idea of another now than I was right after DD was born. There were a few moments I seriously did not understand how any managed to have more than one. A newborn is exhausting.
I wanted 2 or 3. DH wanted 2. I see how he can't handle noise and chaos well so I didn't want to push for 3. If DH wanted 3, I would have been on board.
we both grew up in large families (i'm the youngest of 4 and he's teh youngest of 6)... so we knew we wanted at LEAST 2, and decided 3 was a good number for us financially and also time wise (i was 32 when we got married).
My first pg was rough and i told DH i could only do it one more time- an to wish for twins... and bam - we got them
if we didn't have twin the 2nd time, we probably would have only had 2 kids... and if we had twins first we probably wouldn't have tTC again (being afraid of another set of twins mostly). So it worked out perfectly for us.
Was your twin pregnancy a lot harder than your first pregnancy?
Having had a not so fun first pregnancy, I can't imagine what carrying twins would be like.
We also aimed for 2 and got a bonus with the twins. Life is chaos right now. I love my kids so much and can't imagine it differently, but some days I feel like I don't have time to breathe. I keep hoping it will get a little easier once I don't have 2-2year olds
I know you didn't ask me and would be interested to hear what Gail also has to say, but my twin pregnancy was much more difficult than my first one. I had to be off work from about 21 weeks, so that was a big hit financially. After my first C-section, I felt amazing. I felt so awful and deconditioned after the twins. It took me a long long time to recover. I don't think my body will ever be the same. :-(
We are one and done. DH will be 40 after this one and I never wanted more than 1 due to family medical history of younger siblings.
Same, although we're not 100% sure yet, more like 90% sure. I decided not to rule anything out until our son turns 3. At that point, I'll be almost 35 and DH will be 43. Considering the other family health history we have with regard to birth defects, I'm very hesitant to take the risk, especially since we'd be older.
I originally wanted 3 kids but after being pregnant and suffering through a miscarriage I don't think 3 will be that number. We are probably more comfortable trying for 1 and then reevaluating. I would be happy to be 1 and done at this point.
My decision is also based on my SIL and her two kids and how much the family dynamic changed after the 2nd was born. There were a lot of changes and most of them were not for the better. 1 and Done would also mean we are more financially set.
Finances are a concern for us too. We live a pretty comfortable lifestyle now with one kid. Plus 2 kids in daycare will run us ~$3K a month and that makes me want to vomit. But whenever we talk about stopping at one we get sad, so I think ultimately we will find a way to make the finances for 2 kids work.
Post by mariavictoriax on Aug 28, 2012 23:25:45 GMT -5
Prior to getting married, we knew we definitely wanted 2 biological children and thought about either trying for/ or adopting a 3rd. We have 2 kids now, but are putting a hold on a 3rd. After complicated deliveries with our 2 boys, the thought of going through it the 3rd time is scary. Also, we had some financial difficulties in the last 3 years and feel that adopting is not in our family's best interest at this time.
I wanted 2-3. DH wanted 1-2 (in addition to his son). We got married late-ish (28 for me). Then ran into IF. Spent $$$ getting 2 kids. Decided we were done paying $$$ to get pg and we were done but willing to let fate play a role.
Fate played her hand... And now I'm a former infertile who is "accidentally" knocked-up at the age of 38 and due in November.
What? We were supposed to plan this shit? We are so very done that DH had his vasectomy when I was 5mo pg.
And next year we'll be paying for daycare x2, afterschool care, and college. Awesome. Note to others - spacing your kids 18 years apart might be a bit too big of a gap.