I hope it just evolves over time and that he's done with it by 2nd grade at the latest. My nephew weirdly hung on for a long time. This is his first Christmas admitting he knows it's not real, and he's 12.
2nd grade is still kind of young in a lot of ways.
Santa is big in our house still with a 9yo, 7yo, and almost 4 yo. I have never really pushed it (although we are an Elf on the Shelf family ). They use the books we have read, movies, and imagination to come up with their version. I've read the letters that have been linked and I think they are so sweet. I can't really imagine being eloquent enough myself to get it across to my kids. DD1 will love the historical aspect of it and reading about Santa in other cultures, so I imagine when the time comes we'll take a trip to the library. At this point we are doing neither confirm or deny, and I am thinking DD1 is a non believer. She goes along so well sometimes though. Who knows. But as of yet, no explanations needed. When the time does come, I won't be all that wordy or eloquent, but I will talk about holiday spirit and love. Those things I believe in.
Thank you for your letter. You asked a very good question: “Are you Santa?”
I know you’ve wanted the answer to this question for a long time, and I’ve had to give it careful thought to know just what to say.
The answer is no. I am not Santa. There is no one Santa.
I am the person who fills your stockings with presents, though. I also choose and wrap the presents under the tree, the same way my mom did for me, and the same way her mom did for her. (And yes, Daddy helps, too.)
I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit under the tree, their small faces lit with Christmas lights.
This won’t make you Santa, though.
Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can’t see or touch.
It’s a big job, and it’s an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents and in your family. You’ll also need to believe in things you can’t measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.
Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he’s filled with joy.
With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa do a job that would otherwise be impossible.
So, no. I am not Santa. Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I’m on his team, and now you are, too.
Giant fucking eyeroll and addition to my spreadsheet for anyone who thinks not doing Santa takes the fun or magic out of Christmas.
Be sure to friend me on Instagram before Christmas morning because I will be posting lots of photos of my crying, depressed children for whom Christmas is just an ordinary, non-magical day because we have told them that Santa is pretend.
Now, I'm off to think of more diabolically cruel ways to disappoint my children and ruin their childhood.
Also, last night DD1 was concerned because someone at school said to her that his mom said if he didn't wash his feet mushrooms would grow between his toes. I said "Oh that's silly! That is definitely not true and would never happen. His mom probably noticed his feet were dirty and was trying to get him to clean them."
I am not making this up, she looked at me and said "Mom, do you tell me stuff that isn't true to try to get me to do things?"
I was really proud to be able to look her right in her eyes and say "Honey, I have never told you and will never tell you anything that is not true. You can always count on me to say things that are true."
That was a magical moment. For us both, I think. I am not passing judgment on anyone who does Santa, but for me and my goals as a parent and a person, modeling this kind of honesty and building this kind of trust is more important than whatever magic would come from my children believing in Santa.
Stepping off my soapbox and out of this thread now.
I'm willing to take a flaming. I feel strongly about this topic, and I have had moments of doubt about my choice, so it was vindicating to have a small reward in the form of that discussion with DD1 last night. I know not doing Santa is an unpopular choice so maybe my story will encourage someone who is taking flack online or IRL for their decision not to do Santa. Heaven knows my mother has read me the riot act over it on multiple occasions. It really bothers her.
To be clear, I also don't think families that do Santa are going to have kids in therapy in 20 years. Santa is not ruining any childhoods either way. But I am glad we made the choice we did.
I'm willing to take a flaming. I feel strongly about this topic, and I have had moments of doubt about my choice, so it was vindicating to have a small reward in that discussion with DD1 last night.
To be clear, I also don't think families that do Santa are going to have kids in therapy in 20 years. Santa is not ruining any childhoods either way. But I am glad we made the choice we did.
I'm willing to take a flaming. I feel strongly about this topic, and I have had moments of doubt about my choice, so it was vindicating to have a small reward in that discussion with DD1 last night.
To be clear, I also don't think families that do Santa are going to have kids in therapy in 20 years. Santa is not ruining any childhoods either way. But I am glad we made the choice we did.
I fully agree that it is ridiculous and eye roll worthy to suggest that not doing Santa is sad for kids or makes Christmas less magic. Clearly there are lots of ways to make Christmas happy and special for kids, many of them having nothing to do with Santa.
But I find it equally ridiculous to imply that those who do Santa are doing so at the expense of modeling honesty or gaining their kids' trust. I am sure there are ways to do Santa that could contribute to a lack of trust, just as I am sure that there are some people who don't do Santa and have non-magical Christmases. But there are wonderful parents on both sides of this equation, and doing Santa is no more equivalent to "lying to your kids" than not doing Santa is to "taking all the magic out of Christmas."
I came across too strong. I think you guys know me enough to know I am not uppity, smug, humorless, or an asshole. I apologize for giving offense.
It's all good. I agree with your opinion on child rearing 99.9% of the time, and I think you are an amazing mom. Which is why I don't want you to think I am lying to my kids and just don't give a shit if they trust me.
FWIW, I never tell my kids lies to get them to do stuff. I don't use Santa or elves as behavior tools, and I fessed up the minute my kid asked if Santa was real. But I am still on Team Santa
I came across too strong. I think you guys know me enough to know I am not uppity, smug, humorless, or an asshole. I apologize for giving offense.
It's all good. I agree with your opinion on child rearing 99.9% of the time, and I think you are an amazing mom. Which is why I don't want you to think I am lying to my kids and just don't give a shit if they trust me.
FWIW, I never tell my kids lies to get them to do stuff. I don't use Santa or elves as behavior tools, and I fessed up the minute my kid asked if Santa was real. But I am still on Team Santa
Thanks for clarifying. I don't think that about you at all and I really respect you too.
And thank you also for the courtesy of calling me out in such a kind and respectful way, I took it to heart and I appreciate it.
I'm sure my kids know...we are a don't ask don't tell family so my answer is never. However I do have to have the "talk" with DD1 like this month. Sex Ed at school starts this trimester! Ugh!
page, in Spanish, the same word is used to mean "mushrooms" or "athlete's foot." It's possible that the other kid's mother has a poor understanding of how yeast works and isn't purposely deceiving her kid.
Well... It sounds like this is flameful in these parts, but we have told DS (4) that Santa is just for fun and he's not real. I never believed in Santa and it certainly didn't spoil my Christmas. DH and I kind of fought about it though, because DS flat out asked me if Santa was real and I said no. DH thought that was a decision we should make together. I see where he is coming from, but I was put on the spot when DS asked me, I didn't want to lie to him, and I wasn't quick thinking enough to put off his question without answering.
We told DS that some of his classmates believe in Santa and that it's fun for them, so he shouldn't tell them that he's not real. I hope DS listens to that part. I don't want to spoil it for other kids.
T Exactly this. And honestly, it bothers me a bit that other people get angry that my kid might "ruin" it for their kids. Especially if hey insist my kid's lying to protect their own kids' belief in Santa. We've told E that it's not nice to tell other people Santa is not real, but if my kid slips and says something, not cool to call him a liar.
Also, team page in spirit. I know what you're getting at. I find it exhausting that the onus is on non-Santa households to maintain a ruse. I have no issue with Santa belief, but seriously do not get pissed at my kid if he says something about Santa being pretend,
OMFG I am already pissed at the ML thread, but I'm less than half a page in. Trust that E is getting plenty of Christmas magic. I miss out on so much being busy working at a company that hates Christmas.
Post by imojoebunny on Dec 11, 2015 21:33:20 GMT -5
I tell my kids what I believe, that if you believe, Santa comes, if you don't, he won't.
That is what my parents told me (grew up in a town where over half the population does not celebrate Christmas), I still believe, I still get a gift from "Santa". My DD is 9, and I know she doesn't "believe " this year. Plenty of kids at her school have told her he doesn't exist, but that computer she is getting on Christmas morning, its from Santa. I believe in the magic of the holidays, no matter which ones you celebrate, and for me, Santa is a big reason for the season, or at least the idea that someone gives you something for being a good person. That is real.
Also, team page in spirit. I know what you're getting at. I find it exhausting that the onus is on non-Santa households to maintain a ruse. I have no issue with Santa belief, but seriously do not get pissed at my kid if he says something about Santa being pretend,
Thanks.
I think my feelings on this subject are extremely clouded by how I found out about Santa as a kid. I was adamant with a friend who told me "Santa is your parents" that my parents would NEVER EVER lie to me and she made fun of me for not believing her. I asked my parents and they continued to tell me Santa was real (which was incredibly wrong of them). Then when I finally did find out (via Judy Blume's Superfudge) I felt incredibly betrayed and hurt. I cried a lot. It was the first experience I had with realizing my parents were fallible and honestly it is up there with being spanked with a belt as one of my most profoundly upsetting childhood memories.
So I have strong feelings on the topic and I struggle to separate my opinion from my childhood experience. h was helpful in helping me realize I went a little overboard in this thread, even though I do stand by my opinion. Just not the way I expressed it today, or the way my post could be interpreted by some awesome Santa-household parents here that I regard highly.
Also, team page in spirit. I know what you're getting at. I find it exhausting that the onus is on non-Santa households to maintain a ruse. I have no issue with Santa belief, but seriously do not get pissed at my kid if he says something about Santa being pretend,
Thanks.
I think my feelings on this subject are extremely clouded by how I found out about Santa as a kid. I was adamant with a friend who told me "Santa is your parents" that my parents would NEVER EVER lie to me and she made fun of me for not believing her. I asked my parents and they continued to tell me Santa was real (which was incredibly wrong of them). Then when I finally did find out (via Judy Blume's Superfudge) I felt incredibly betrayed and hurt. I cried a lot. It was the first experience I had with realizing my parents were fallible and honestly it is up there with being spanked with a belt as one of my most profoundly upsetting childhood memories.
So I have strong feelings on the topic and I struggle to separate my opinion from my childhood experience. h was helpful in helping me realize I went a little overboard in this thread, even though I do stand by my opinion. Just not the way I expressed it today, or the way my post could be interpreted by some awesome Santa-household parents here that I regard highly.
I'm now getting called a dick in the ML thread. I feel you. Thank faux Jesus for Manhattans!
I think my feelings on this subject are extremely clouded by how I found out about Santa as a kid. I was adamant with a friend who told me "Santa is your parents" that my parents would NEVER EVER lie to me and she made fun of me for not believing her. I asked my parents and they continued to tell me Santa was real (which was incredibly wrong of them). Then when I finally did find out (via Judy Blume's Superfudge) I felt incredibly betrayed and hurt. I cried a lot. It was the first experience I had with realizing my parents were fallible and honestly it is up there with being spanked with a belt as one of my most profoundly upsetting childhood memories.
So I have strong feelings on the topic and I struggle to separate my opinion from my childhood experience. h was helpful in helping me realize I went a little overboard in this thread, even though I do stand by my opinion. Just not the way I expressed it today, or the way my post could be interpreted by some awesome Santa-household parents here that I regard highly.
I'm now getting called a dick in the ML thread. I feel you. Thank faux Jesus for Manhattans!
My BFF would always say he believed in the spirit of Santa Claus. I imagine we will say something like Santa isn't real but the spirit is what's important.
Post by sillygoosegirl on Dec 11, 2015 23:28:23 GMT -5
DH's parents told him Santa wasn't real when he was 12. Hopefully LO will not be so dense and will figure it out for herself somewhat younger than that. We don't plan to make it too hard of a mystery to crack.