S/O parents of picky eaters, especially MOOKs

[Deleted]

Parents of picky eaters, what do you give them to eat? I saw a few people chime in that they make separate meals and that their kid would go hungry before eating a disliked food. My strong willed toddler will refuse food before eating something he doesn't want, or something we try and force him into eating. The only vegetable he ever eats (even at daycare where he eats a little better) is corn.

His current obsession is "milk and cheerios". He asks for it every meal and even when he wakes up from his naps. We are being kind of inconsistent with what we are giving him and how strongly we attach to him needing to eat whatever is presented or nothing, which mostly happens when exhausted from dealing with the baby. I think the inconsistency is probably a lot worse than making him eat whatever is served. 

My fear is that I'm doing it all wrong and he'll either starve (he definitely is hungry some nights if he refuses to eat what's presented) or always need a separate meal. Ugh. If I allow him to eat cereal at every meal he will eventually get sick of it right?

[jeaniebueller]

My DS ate a sliced Apple, cheese stick and toast with butter for dinner nearly every night when he was 3-5. I did not stress it. Now at 7, he will be willing to try new things and has greatly expanded his palate. I decided that I was not spending the precious few hours a day I had with DS fighting about food.

[lishie]

My kids frustrate me. DH and I eat and serve every type of food under the sun. Up until age 2, the kids ate it, and now they won't eat anything.

I always serve them whatever we're having, and I always make sure to have something they'll eat with dinner (plain pasta, rice, etc) and we encourage them to eat everything.

I will not cook a separate dinner, but if they're still hungry after refusing to eat, they can have a yogurt, granola bar or Nutrigrain bar as well.

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2015 10:53:39 GMT -5 lishie said:

My kids frustrate me. DH and I eat and serve every type of food under the sun. Up until age 2, the kids ate it, and now they won't eat anything.

I always serve them whatever we're having, and I always make sure to have something they'll eat with dinner (plain pasta, rice, etc) and we encourage them to eat everything.

I will not cook a separate dinner, but if they're still hungry after refusing to eat, they can have a yogurt, granola bar or Nutrigrain bar as well.

This is what we've been doing, but I was wondering if I should stop because yogurt/bars are sugar and taste better than, for example, broccoli.

[Marmee]

I give them what they want for breakfast/lunch within reason. Dinner they eat what I make. If they eat nothing I'll usually let them have healthy alternate like an apple, cheese or something. I find my DD4 will wake up hungry in the middle of the night if I don't.

[ktw]

I just try really hard not to make food a battle. My DD is very strong willed, and I don't have it in me to fight with her over dinner every night (breakfast and lunch are easier, because I just offer her things she likes). She's always offered what we're eating, and very rarely takes me up on it. My rule for making her other "meals" is that it has to be something that's easy for me. I'm not making two dinners, but I'll make her a peanut butter sandwich, or heat up some mac n' cheese that I made her another night as her dinner. I'll offer yogurt or pouches as dinner substitutes. In your situation, Cheerios and milk would be a fine substitute. I often feel like I'm doing it wrong, but I just don't see a positive outcome if I fight with her every night. I really don't believe it will get her to eat more.

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2015 10:51:13 GMT -5 @vicmo said:

We don't have a picky eater, but he has certain foods that he will basically always eat. H and I talk it over ahead of time and set limits and present a united front. Eg he gets one minigo yogurt at every meal and he gets it up front at the beginning of the meal along with whatever else we're eating. In your case I'd decide if you want to give him a small bowl of cereal at each meal (or only at breakfast, etc) and then make that a habit. Then you know he's getting some good calories and it's less of a battle of will / negotiations.

I can predict how this would go with my DEAR SWEET spirited kid.

Give him the preferred food at the beginning of the meal, he asks for another. We say no and he ends up throwing a tantrum and throwing his plate on the floor/refusing to eat anything else even if he likes it just because. 

This kid. I love him but boy does he test me. I must have done something bad in a prior life that I need to learn from!

[mlt]

In our house DS1 (4.5) gets whatever he wants for breakfast (cereal every day) and lunch (PBJ or grilled cheese) but we only make one dinner. He has to try one bite of everything. If he does that he can have a piece of fruit or something but we don't make a separate meal. It works pretty well. He usually doesn't eat much at dinner (even when it's something he does like) but he's pretty well fed the rest of the day.

[Deleted]

I don't battle about food. They are offered what we are having. They can choose to eat it or not, but there is no other option. Most nights my 4 and 6.5 year olds opt not to eat much at dinner. My 9.5 year old is finally choosing to eat more.

It's a long exhausting period, but as long as you offer a wide variety of mostly healthy food eventually they eat it. they won't starve themselves generally and if you look at their food intake over the course of a week it is probably pretty balanced assuming a wide variety of healthy food is offered.

I wouldn't offer something else. And keep it neutral. This is what's for dinner and no other commentary about it.

[ktw]

Oh, I also meant to say that my long term plan is to have a list of things that she can eat as alternatives to dinner (aka easy and relatively healthy - yogurt, sandwich, etc...) and if she doesn't want to eat what I cooked, she can help herself to one of those. Obviously, this doesn't work at 2 years old, but that's where I want to get to eventually. I will model healthy eating, and I will try to guide her to make healthy choices, but I don't want to create too much focus/emphasis on food. She's growing and healthy, I don't think she will starve, so I don't want to force feed her, or teach her she must clean her plate, etc...

[thebreakfastclub]

I don't care what my son eats. He eats 2 meals and 2 snacks at daycare, plus breakfast at home, so dinner is not a priority to me. I don't care if he sits at the table.

I made a small lasagna last night for dinner today. I will ask DS if he'd like to taste it, and there is a 99% chance he'll say no. He will eat either a PBJ sandwich or a couple of chicken nuggets, some cheese and an apple or a fruit cup.

By 5:30, I want to relax and enjoy my evening, not plead with him to taste a green bean.

[Deleted]

My kid is 4 and he can make peanut butter on crackers. That's generally it - he can eat what's offered or he can choose to get himself the approved alternative. I also push greek yogurt for a bedtime snack because he likes it and it has protein.

He's not super picky, though, just in a phase of rejecting anything I make him that isn't a grilled cheese or mac n cheese. He does like raw peppers. I will offer things as a snack that get eaten that would be rejected at a meal. Just leave things on the coffee table without comment and they seem to disappear.

[ijack]

We didn't start this until DD was 4ish because of her weight issues, but our rule is that you have to at least try a bite of what I make for dinner and if they don't want it then there are certain things they can choose to have instead (cheese, yogurt, PB spoon). I don't make separate meals because I don't have time for that crap, but I will sometimes put the sauce on the side so that they can choose if they want it.

[hopecounts]

We do Division of Responsibility (DOR), food is family style, 2 items are 'safe' foods she will eat, the others are whatever I feel like making.
She makes her plate from what is on the table with no commentary, if its a plate full of grapes and noodles then so be it.
For us this has A) made meals pleasant again B) increased the foods she is willing to eat or at least try with no prompting.

[arch01]

Dinner: I don't fight it. But if you don't eat what's on your plate, there's no dessert. I don't give him a lot-he can always ask for seconds. But last night's dinner was 5 bites of spinach/cheese stuffed chicken and 4 pieces of broccoli. He loves broccoli but refused to eat it since we didn't have any cheddar cheese to put on top (he'll eat it plain and does pretty regularly, but if he wants cheese-that's it. There had better be cheddar cheese, not the mozzarella I dared bring out last night). He always has the choice of either eating or excusing himself from the table and playing quietly in the other room. We repeatedly have the discussion though that "I don't like it" isn't appropriate when you've either a) never tried it or b) aren't hungry and are looking for an excuse. I tell him it's fine to tell me he's not hungry-but he must eat something reasonably healthy to get dessert.

Other times of the day: Breakfast is no problem. We just limit his fruit intake otherwise he'd eat fruit and only fruit. He now understands that too much fruit causes an upset tummy. Lunch-he gets a choice of usually 2 things (sandwich or leftovers, and he can choose what's on his sandwich and type of bread).

If we're desperate and he's low on veggies for the week, he gets a vegetable pouch. I'm not ashamed.

The ONLY time he gets a "special" meal and doesn't have what we're eating is if it's pretty spicy. Otherwise-he gets what we put out. Him helping me make dinner has helped in what he'll eat as well.

[savan]

I don't make separate meals but I do offer sides that I know she will eat. Every meal I try to have a main dish with protein, a fruit, and a veggie. Sometimes I'll also include a carb like garlic bread. I know for sure that DD will eat the fruit and carb. We do ask her to at least try a bite of the main dish and the veggie but don't push it beyond that.

[penguingrrl]

I don't make a full separate meal, but I will adjust things so the kids will enjoy them. If we're having pasta with sauce I leave some out of the sauce and just put olive oil and grated cheese on it for my middle. If I'm making chicken in a skillet with other things (one of my favorites involves salsa and onions and black beans and corn) then I'll put some of the chicken in with just garlic and olive oil instead of all the sauce stuff.

I always make sure there's at least one thing each kid eats on the table, but sometimes my kids go to bed having had just brown rice or just broccoli for dinner. None of mine would only eat a single thing like you're describing, so I can't honestly say how I would handle that.

[jsillyfun]

I don't care what she eats as long as it's healthy. She lives off fruit, veggies, yogurt, and toast.

[hopecounts]

Also depending on his age this may be a control thing, if you act NBD about it and don't play into it (sure if you want cereal for the millionth time whatever) and don't let it be an area of conflict it will likely pass as he gets out of the 2s/3s if he doesn't get a response from it.

[Deleted]

My kids get food I know they like every day at breakfast and lunch so I don't worry about them not eating dinner so much. They eat Vans blueberry waffles, Applegate chicken sausage, and fruit for the girls, almost every single day for breakfast. Lunch is a mixture of sunbutter toast, dinner leftovers if they liked it, Applegate turkey or ham, unsweetened vanilla coconut milk yogurt, fruit and veggies. Veggies are eaten very sporadically.

Since I know they eat at the other meals plus snacks I don't make a separate dinner. That said, I always serve at least one item I know they like. Then I just don't argue about it. You don't like the cucumber, fine you don't have to eat it, just eat the chicken I know you like. That's basically how it goes. I always put the food on their plates and let them decide to eat it or not.

Since I've been doing this things are much easier. No more battles but I know they are eating enough. For example, when I made chicken yakisoba last week all J ate was the chicken. But he ate enough and wasn't starving. K ate some noodles and chicken. E ate chicken and some carrots. None of them ate celery or broccolini. Oh well. I knew they would at least eat the chicken so I just didn't worry about it. When I made steak fajitas all 3 only ate the steak and a little tortilla and none of the bell peppers.

I also give them an Omega 3 supplement and a multi vitamin/mineral every day and call it good.

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2015 11:35:15 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Oh yeah, I have started embracing pouches again, even for my 3yo. It's the only way they will eat veggies besides peas. Joanna will only eat the ones with a lot of sugar, but her pediatrician said it wasn't that bad since it was whole fruit puree. I don't give them everyday, but I don't feel bad about the occasional pouch with lunch. Before, I was just reserving them for shopping trips and only for Elizabeth.

I am not afraid to give pouches. All 3 of the kids eat them for a morning snack often. It's essentially the only way J will eat a fruit or veggie. He loves some of the all veggie ones like Earths best carrots and broccoli or spinach and pumpkin. He would never ever eat those foods in whole form which obviously would be preferable. But I figure eating it in pouch form is better than not eating it at all!

[mrshandy]

This is one of my biggest struggles as a Mom. I'm hesitant to even respond to this, because thinking about it gives me anxiety. I repeat all the advice back in my head and try to be consistent and it never works.

DS has always been picky and rarely eats a full dinner.

Most of the time we offer him what we're eating or some version of what we're eating. H and I eat a lot of non-toddler friendly foods which makes it hard to offer the same thing. I'm not making him a separate meal.

If he tries some of his dinner, then I'll let him have a healthy snack after dinner (banana, cheerios, fruit, yogurt, etc). If he won't touch his dinner, he's not getting anything else.

Sometimes we make him a separate meal if we don't have enough of what we're eating or if we're having leftovers and we know he hates it.

DD is not as picky as him. She will usually eat a few bites of what we're having.

[mainelyfoolish]

My seven year old DD is a very restrictive eater. She gets what she wants for breakfast and lunch because those are meals I typically make separately, so it's NBD if she wants a fluffernutter sandwich with the crusts cut off 365 days a year. For dinner, If I make a meal for the family, I don't make her a special meal, but I do always serve something that she should be willing to eat.

Frequently she chooses to eat nothing but bread, sometimes with salt. If I serve salad, she'll eat a plate of croutons dipped in ranch dressing. If I serve chili or chowder, she'll eat a plate of oyster crackers. If I'm serving something that has cheddar cheese in it or on top, I'll let her have cheddar cheese slices (her preferred food) because it's part of the meal, just a different shape. If I'm serving leftovers for dinner and people are getting different meals anyway, I'll let her have her preferred meal of cheddar cheese slices and crackers.

[rondonalddo]

We try to make dinners that DD likes a couple times a week (taco bowl, her favorite pasta, pad thai noodles), we're not above getting fast food on the way home, every few weeks we hit up the Chinese buffet (girls loves rice, lo mein noodles, chicken on a stick, and broccoli), and we throw snack foods at her the rest of the time.

[cjcouple]

Dec 14, 2015 11:30:40 GMT -5 penguingrrl said:

I don't make a full separate meal, but I will adjust things so the kids will enjoy them. If we're having pasta with sauce I leave some out of the sauce and just put olive oil and grated cheese on it for my middle. If I'm making chicken in a skillet with other things (one of my favorites involves salsa and onions and black beans and corn) then I'll put some of the chicken in with just garlic and olive oil instead of all the sauce stuff.

I always make sure there's at least one thing each kid eats on the table, but sometimes my kids go to bed having had just brown rice or just broccoli for dinner. None of mine would only eat a single thing like you're describing, so I can't honestly say how I would handle that.

This is exactly what I do.  I try to have at least 2 things they eat and 1-2 new items per dinner. However, my oldest has texture issues so I don't force bites of the new food. He is 9 and literally throws up any food with textures he doesn't like.  while I highly encourage and reward for new foods.  I don't push. If he didn't have those textures issues going on, I would b more strict and likely enforce a bite.


Some things that have worked to broaden their diets:

Rewards - every 2 new foods gets a prize. I fill our prize box with things for $1 from dollar tree.

I also have them choose a new food.  Started with produce, when we go to the store, I ask them each to pick a new fruit or veggie to try.      

I allow choices...do you want x or y with dinner tonight? .

I have them help me prepare dinner.  Wash fruit or veggies, help stir stuff, scoop and chop stuff (when older).

Make sure they are hungry - limit snacking. A lot more open to eating something new when they are hungry
 
I also find raw veggies are a preference so if I make meatloaf...I strip some colored peppers for them first and then chop the rest into my meatloaf etc.

Some of this may be a bit advanced with a toddler but things to keep in mind 

[lauralala]

From ages 2 to about 3.5, DS pretty much lived on bananas, cheese, crackers, toddler cereal bars, drinkable yogurt, and milk. Somewhere around age 3 he began eating sandwich turkey and other fruits. I put a little bit of what we were having for dinner each night on his plate - usually just a couple of bites - and if he like it he could have as much as he wanted. But I also put a slice of cheese and a couple of crackers on, so that he saw that he was getting something he liked.

Now, at age 6, he is a great eater. The tide really shifted about 4.5, and he started eating a lot of different vegetables and new kinds of flavors. At this point we have a one bite rule - he has to try one bite of everything, assuming it's not super spicy. It works pretty well, but mostly because he is always hungry. He eats as much as I do at most meals. I am terrified at what my grocery bill will be as he gets older!

[Deleted]

Dec 14, 2015 10:54:23 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

I have been beaten down and usually just serve my kids sandwiches, chicken nuggets, fish sticks, mac n cheese with a side of fruit or veggies. A few times a week I offer leftovers from whatever we had the night before along w/ something that I know they will eat. They almost never eat the leftovers. Joanna is finally at a point where she will try stuff, but she rarely likes it.

Fwiw, I did this for a long time with my two boys and they both eventually grew out of it and will eat most things now and at least try new foods.

[imojoebunny]

We went to several nutritionist over the years. All said some variation of this, "It is your job to decide what to serve, and your child's to decide what to eat." I cringe when I hear of people bribing kids to eat foods. That can cause DS to throw up (proven by mom on several occasions.

I serve what I serve. DS eats it or not. If he doesn't eat it, he has the option of making one of 3-4 simple meals (Cheese and apple, Peanut butter and honey, Mac n Cheese (the 3 minute microwave kind) or a quesadillia). He is old enough to make them on his own now, for the most part. We tried not letting him do that, with not great results. It didn't change what he ate, and he would wake up in the middle of the night hungry.

He does eat fruit (bananas, apples, and grapes), but corn and carrots, and only occasionally is his only veggies.

He was on special formula until 4.5 years because of his lack of eating, which caused him to FTT. The GI doctor pointed out that it is more important to make sure he is getting the protein and nutrients to grow, than to have him eat like everyone else. We talked about doing a feeding clinic here, but because he does eat, just not the variety we would like, decided against it. It is pretty extreme, and geared toward texture aversions, which DS doesn't have, he is more of a super taster.

His sister wanted to do her science project on him to see if he could tell the difference between different brands of foods at a greater rate than. other kids, but he refused to cooperate with that idea. He can tell the difference between the brands of many things, like apple sauce, cereal, and even marshmallows.

[Marmee]

I wish my kids would eat the veggie/fruit pouches!

[cinco]

My youngest is my picky one. She eats carrots, broccoli, and apples. That is it as far as any veggie/fruit. I offer one of those and cheese at every meal just so she eats. I'm still planning on riding it out, but it isn't getting much better ( She doesn't eat meat, so I buy plain Greek yogurt for the protein. She also eats steel cut oats.